A Portrait of Ambivalence

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My emotional landscape has been greatly expanded by the experiences of my life.  I must admit that this has stretched my perceptions about how we create the world reflecting on times when we are influenced by the way we engage with everything around us and become moved by our lives.  We can be profoundly influenced by music, art, or influenced by people close to us that is responsible for the transformation of our experience.  It is simply the magical evolution of our experiences that capture us and maintains our fascination with the world.  The heart-felt textures that line our lives with rich silken waves of fulfillment touch us, as we ride these flowing streams of our heightened senses.  We of course also can become subject to the more vapid, and less attractive attributes of our lives but the contrast between them alone can surely show us just what we should appreciate when these experiences do filter into our lives.

What is astonishing to me is that we all value the same kind of attention, the binding rudimentary human need to belong for our fulfillment.  We are all driven by our humanity, we all seek love and affection at very early ages.  This has not changed for in all of human history we have stories that give rise to this deeply human drive.  To become a part of our culture, to interact with others, the documentation for this is found in every single life that we know of, as the story is told for as many that have the lips to tell it, or as other evidence can be found in literature from all around the world.

the tragedy in every love story is most felt within the family.  When by association we have the very essence of why we should love another, we find dissociation between family members that we should know better than not love one another.  The most painful kind of tumultuous love is between the love of our parental and sibling foundations of relationship.  There are countless opportunities to bond in these kinds of relationships, yet we lose our way in on the roads we travel losing ourselves to the many  arbitrary confines that our own ego produces.  We may just simply be caught in misunderstanding that can last lifetimes.  For whatever the reasons we pull away from our loved ones, I know that this is an example of how we let some of the dumbest reasons influence our being.  We let trivial things come between some of our should-be most cherished relationships.  The challenge we face should be not faced alone, when we have family to rely upon at times of our need.  Unfortunately this is not of common thought through-out our world.  We have rivalries, and unspoken ambivalence’s toward each other.

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The interesting question is not based on fact that family members will sometimes become dissatisfied with one another; the question becomes why we allow this to happen!  Thus, the Devil is in the details which makes its way onto the stage of our lives.  For as many credible reasons for there to be some sort of antagonist in our play that is blamed, there is also a protagonist that is malevolently judged, and so the tragedy unfolds.  When one cannot tell one from the other, then the blur of our mortal and moral obligations becomes distorted.

Even if we deny parts of our humanity, if we look not further than the trophy’s we place on the wall, we will find that these platitudes of our existence are not what is truly of value to us.  The ego embraces false objects of security.  We misdirect our affections and lend them to idolatrous worship.   We should only direct this conduct in our experience with each other, in our relationships, and the love we share with others, should be the primary mover of our deeds.  We should love one another and hold it as the most important factor in our existence.  The love ideal is not one that is painless, and resembles an illusory presence in our lives.  It is but a factor that makes our lives richer when lived.  It transforms our regret, our misery, and our servitude to wrongful submission.  I want to make it perfectly clear that our love comes with a price.  We probably do not appreciate the quality of our love because we often expect some reciprocity in our valuations of it.  Love must be self-less.  It must be directed away from our ego inventions.  Many of us do not understand why this should be, unless you are a parent, than you may identify with these thoughts.

Parents can relate to holding a very special kind of unconditional love for another despite the reciprocity they will receive.


Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise
Run in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies
And if, you don’t love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain (Never break the chain)
And if, you don’t love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain (Never break the chain)
Listen to the wind blow down comes the night
Running in the shadows damn your love, damn your lies
Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light
And if, you don’t love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain (Never break the chain)
And if, you don’t love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain (Never break the chain)
And if, you don’t love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain (Never break the chain)
Chain keep us together, running in the shadow
Chain keep us together, running in the shadow
Chain keep us together, running in the shadow
Chain keep us together, running in the shadow
Chain keep us together, running in the shadow
Chain

Stevie Nicks  / Fleetwood Mac


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