Diary of a Stumbling Man

As I was walking down my very dark Pacific Beach neighborhood a few nights ago, I was suffering from a bad case of vertigo I happened to catch, this gave me difficulty walking in a straight line and coincidentally reminded me of an earlier time in my life.  It was a beautiful night, warm and somewhat quiet for a robust beach community with a dense population of young people.  It was bizarre, but a part of me enjoyed the effects of my vertigo during this walk.  I was walking to the local market to pick up a few things and If you were to see me from a distance it would probably seem that I was intoxicated as my walking ability was not normal.  On one occasion I stumbled onto the sidewalk corner onto my left arm and leg taking the most damage with a few scuff’s on my elbow and knee. If anything I wondered if anyone had seen me because if you were to view this event you would probably think how dumb I must have looked.  Yes even the ego becomes aware of any intrusions upon our waking silly life events.  Walking down those dark street corners in Pacific Beach reminding me of when I was much younger.  In years past when I was only seventeen years old I remember walking the streets of a quiet neighborhood after a high school party, I was trying to clear my head walking around the neighborhood.  In this case I was evidently drunk and probably had mixed other intoxicants during that night to make my experience even that more frustrating if you wanted to do basic functions of some sort.

In those early years I had never experienced this kind of behavior as my body was not accustomed to the intoxicating effects.  It was however very new and an unlikely learning experience I would never forget.  I do not encourage this type of behavior since I do not believe in altered states of consciousness produced by some drug induced state.  But it is indeed a new kind of experience that does give one new ways of looking at things.  It can possible give you an alternative way at problem solving since you have subdued your usual conscious mind approach to the world, and as much as it changes the way we look at things, it also likewise hinders our problem solving abilities as well. One can easily evoke the mid sixties era and how the Beatles changed the way we listened to music during that time.  The influence of their experimentation with the music due to the influences upon them during this time is very similar to the point I am trying to make.

As a psychology student I learned in my Physiological Psyche class that if you learn under the influence of (lets say caffeine),  you are likely to recall that information in a similar state of being, such that you would probably like to have caffeine in your system to recall what you had learned on earlier study sessions under the influence of caffeine.  One can easily extrapolate from this hypothesis to other kinds of agents that influence our thinking and our behaviors.  Think drinking intoxicants and trying to pick up dates at bars under these conditions, one may learn certain social skills that will inevitably help them in achieving their goal of capturing the attention of others.

Alcohol tends to diminish social fears, boosts ones awareness and limits inhibitions, and that may just be enough to capture the attention of others de facto under the influence of similar intoxicants.

Unfortunately many of my former school mates in high school were  predetorial using drink to subdue others under the influence rather than be proper gentlemen.  The maturity level is certainly crucial in the developing human being, as many rely upon devious means to make the sporting effect of adolescent charms and taking advantage of others under such conditions.  I was never like that, and I always could tell who one could trust when push came to shove.  I have never respected anyone who relied upon these techniques to gain upon their prey, and I protected several from any funny business which later spawned a nick name as a senior in high school, “the saint”.  I think maybe this was a kind of name that really looked down upon me rather than one of good fortune.  I inadvertently became the protector by disrupting the events to unfold when things got “out of hand”.  I only lectured on the side of when you wake up tomorrow, you will find yourself in total guilt that you had to use alcohol to achieve your goal.this only occurred by chance on only a few occasions.   To me you weren’t any good if you had to use alcohol, or other intoxicants, I was the advocate for being honest.  No other way was superior to this way, because it was the real test of being genuine.  I despised the pretentious.  There can be a lot of ego in high school and early adulthood, and I found very early on that I was not going to play by the rules of the conspicuous arrogant fools that treated others as if they were trifle amusements.

Ironically years later I was far from being “the saint”, as I too had my demons to chase but my true nature did always show, and I did have these memories that I am proud of.  It’s funny how on two completely different tangents of our lives can bring about fond memories on both sides of the spectrum of the life-cycle.  One of a middle-aged man, and the other that of a teen-aged young adult.


Ringo Starr

“A lady that I know just came from Colombia. She laughed because I did not understand. She held out some marijuana uh-huh, said it was the finest in the land. I said, no-no-no-no, i dont smoke it no more. It only makes me fall on the floor.No thank you please, it only makes me sneeze, and then it makes it hard to find the door. A lady that i know just came from Morrocco, Spain. She laughed because i did not understand. She held out a ten-pound bag of cocaine, said it was the finest in the land. I said no-no-no-no, i don’t *sniff* no more, it only makes me fall on the floor. No thank you please, it only makes me sneeze, and then it makes it hard to find the door.
A lady that i know just came from Tennesee. She laughed because i did not understand. She held out a jug of moonshine, uh-huh, said it was the finest in the land. I said no-no-no-no, i don’t drink it no more, it only makes me fall on the floor. No thank you please, it only makes me sneeze, and then it makes it hard to find the door.Ringo Starr’s No-No Song”
Ringo Starr

Lundy Bancroft

“Alcohol does not a change a person’s fundamental value system. People’s personalities when intoxicated, even though somewhat altered, still bear some relationship to who they are when sober. When you are drunk you may behave in ways that are silly or embarrassing; you might be overly familiar or tactlessly honest, or perhaps careless or forgetful. But do you knock over little old ladies for a laugh? Probably not. Do you sexually assault the clerk at the convenience store? Unlikely. People’s conduct while intoxicated continues to be governed by their core foundation of beliefs and attitudes, even though there is some loosening of the structure. Alcohol encourages people to let loose what they have simmering below the surface.
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men