A Pocketful of Tolerance and Heartache

An emotional cost is witnessed

The only return on the investment I made

‘Tis a pocketful of tolerance and heartache

‘Tis of this in which I have paid

I am not the ideal example

There is no pedestal for me

I try to live the best I can

But all I have to tell you is what I have to see

A struggle can be an opportunity

In struggle we can find our strengths

Sometimes the opportunity is lost

When we find too many imposing constraints

There are often unspoken assumptions

In the social presumptions we make

We tell ourselves that they are real

But we should test them to see if they are fake

How can we make sense out of the world?

We can’t even make sense out of our life

What is the cause of this frustration?

What is the cause of this strife?

Perhaps we take part in this deception

Perhaps we miscalculate our views

Place another one down the line of our query

Place another one in the back of the Que

Is there relativity in our observations?

Does the standard move from line to line?

Again from situation to situation?

Through the ethereal space or through those of us bound in time?

How do we decide this ethic?

Who gets to draw the lines?

How do we meet our standards?

When do we undermine?


Crossbones and Skull

The kindhearted people with words of callow

Trapped in their lexicon with limited use

See only the world

The lens inside of the hangman’s noose

The trouble with pain

The endurance of dispute

Poses their alternatives

Defines their repute

The teacher of heartache

The sting of the bee

Alters our sense


Resist the crash

Thirst for grace

Lift the spirit up

Not from the bottle

Nor from the cup

Our limitations of thought

Our limitations of mind

Imprisons our perception

Leaves us resigned

The embittered people

Take sight of their prey

Hawkish characters

Leads them astray

Clinging on to pain

Whining hearts left dull

Attend to the Victim

Crossbones and skull


At the End of the Day

So you think you’ve got it all figured out

You’ve taken all the classes

You’ve read all the books

Where does it leave you at the end of the day?

When your friends stop listening?

Are you angry? Were you led astray?

Why do you invest in this energy?

Are your neighbors alienated?

Are your children convinced?

Are their egos deflated and their transgressions rinsed?

Think you have the high moral ground?

Think you have the better view?

Better think again

There is always something new

The minute you think you have it right

The second you believe it’s true

Somebody else will break it up

Someone else will find some fault in you

God knows we try

God knows we want what’s right

God help us

Prideful children running blindly into the night

Don’t tread on me

Don’t make me concede

Don’t make me obey

Don’t make me Plead

I’m independent

Not into the group think

I think for myself

Am I on the brink?

So you think you’ve got it all figured out

You’ve taken all the classes

You’ve read all the books

Where does it leave you at the end of the day?

When your friends stop listening?

Are you angry? Were you led astray?


The Trial of Human Reason


In the historical context of the Genesis story there are 48 verses that deal with the consequences of the first temptation and the exodus from Eden which St. Augustine refers as “The Original Sin”.  The questions I raise in a novel are the implications of such a story whereby my protagonist is “Human Reasoning”.

What is Satan’s Greatest Lie?

John 8:44

– You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of all lies.”

“Don’t lie to each other.” (Colossians 3:9)

Christians are in warfare against Satan. While it is true that Jesus defeated Satan on the cross, it is also true that Satan never ceases his attack on God’s People. In this warfare, let us look at five of Satan’s greatest lies he uses against people.


  • A. Genesis 3:4-5 –“‘You will not surely die, the serpent said to the woman. ‘For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’”
  • B. Satan tempts us to believe God’s goodness obligates Him to gratify our desires immediately, and when that does not happen, it is a sign that God does not care about us.
  • C. God’s plans are always for out best over the long haul, and not just for the immediate short-term.


  • A. Psalm 20:7– “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”
  • B. Satan always provides a list of alternatives to choose from in place of choosing to trust in God.
  1.  Humanism
  2.  Materialism . . . Things . . . Stuff
  3.  Denominational-ism . . . Religious beliefs and organizations that did not come from God.
  4.  Numbers . . . Satan tempts us to trust in numbers and not God’s provision.

1 Chronicles 21:1

– “Satan rose up against Israel and incited David to take a census of Israel.”

5. Self . . . Self-reliance.

a.  Satan wants us to fall victim to the lie of self-reliance.

Philippians 4:19

–“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

b. God-reliance . . . Not self-reliance.


  • A. Matthew 16:22-23– “Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. ‘Never, Lord!’ he said. ‘This shall never happen to you!’Jesus turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.’”

B. Satan tempts us to believe nothing bad will ever happen to us as Christians. And, if something bad does happen, it is just a further sign that God is not all we believe Him to be.” Satan would have us believe that.

  • C. Satan’s lie sows self-pity that blooms into bitterness of heart.

1. How thankful we should be for the Book of Job.

2. Romans 8:28

– “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”


  • A. Matthew 4:8-9– “Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ‘All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.’”
  • B. Greed will take our eyes off God.
  • C. Listening to Satan will short-circuit God’s plan for us.

1. Malachi 3:10

– “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.

2. God will provide things for us . . . But things will not provide God for us!


  • A. Corinthians 2:7, 11– “Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
  • B. Refusal to forgive invites bitterness into our hearts.
  • C. Unable to forgive divides people and kills fellowship.
  • D. The road to forgiveness begins with remembering how much we’ve been forgiven.
  • E. In order to reach Heaven, not only must we be forgiven by God . . . But we must also forgive others.

Mark 11:25-26

– “I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

John 8:32

– “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

resources to ponder:


The Trial of Human Reason

3:6   And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.


Temptation in the garden

The seductive lies that are told

Forever turning us away

Now forever wearing the blindfold

How can it be?

We turned away and now rely on what is fallible

Breaking the covenant

To trust on oneself, is truth now intangible?

The serpent’s deception

A fools path for amity

Free will determines our fate

A masterstroke for calamity

If you were to believe

Evil does not exist

Another problem to consider

Another problem to dismiss

What do we value?

Philosophy and logic?

Are they our absolution?

Are they anagogic?

The argument for freedom

Comes in many different shades

Can we lay down a trump card?

Can we lay down our ace of spades?

Consider the reasons we argue?

Consider why we fight?

The need to know?

The need to be right?

Understanding is fundamental

Understanding is our largest drive

Where do we turn for answers?

Is it truth or is it contrived?

The trial of human reason

Forever in debate

Is this our undoing?

Is this our checkmate?



Eve, the apple and the serpent. Think upon this iconic triad.  The possibilities for involvement are multitudinous.:



The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. ~John Milton:


Don’t try to shock Mr. Spock


At what cost do we tread upon the woven fabric of society that is now dividing us because we think we have knowledge that fuses our disagreements into becoming weaponized moral issues?  Are we so disconnected that we believe we are the only privileged owners of truthful information when we find ourselves in different corners of a debate?  Is our world view that much different to begin with?  Why is there so much tumultuous rhetoric being flung toward our conversations these days?  I need only look to the “lame-stream” media to proclaim the child-like arguments many people seem to fall into before they see fit to unravel the chaotic rubbish embedded into the premises uttered.  Even our educational systems feed politically correct agendas.

What is the source of our information to begin with?  How do we know it is truthful, factual, or correct?  This author believes whether we know it or not, we are in a cultural information war that is reaping havoc upon all of us.

Having healthy debates over issues is rightfully good if and only if the debaters allow the other to speak their minds freely without resorting to name calling and actually listen to the side of their respective opponents.  I find that most people cannot properly debate their discussions on a social media platform among others.  They do not follow any ascribed rules, but rather they tend to ramble on a diatribe of content that is not brought out into the argument with any integrity and tangles much of the content in logical paradox.  If we make assumptions without proper analysis, then we can continue a conversation that will be laden with errors of logical deductions.

A few pointers for having fair intellectual debates:

  • 1st) Never Use A Personal Point To Debate The Validity Of Someone Else’s Factual Point
  • 2nd) An Argument Against A Reputable Expert Can Only Be Made By Another Reputable Expert
  • 3rd) Emotional Responses Are Typically Full Of It
  • 4th) Always Let The Other Person Speak
  • 5th) Don’t be Long Winded – Make Your Points In As Few Words As Possible
  • 6th) Lure and Destroy
  • 7th) The Best Way To Respond To Name Calling: Silence
  • 8th) The More References, The Better Your Chances Of Influencing Your Opponent
  • 9th) Any Question That Anyone Asks You May Be Loaded
  • 10th) Emotion Is Not Your Friend

When will we be free of this dishonest blather?  If we do not approach one another with any constraint, we are destined to fall into baffled ruin like the children of William Golding’s Lord of the Flies!

The lessons of Mr. Spock could come in handy!





In the Absense of Fear

In the absence of fear

We have no hesitations

Not part of the conquest

And the many frustrations

In the absence of fear

We are without discretion

In matters of the heart

Can lead some into a path of aggression

In the absence of fear

We test our limit

Saints and sinners

Conditioning the human spirit

Consumed by greed

Pitty for the soul

The soul in perpetual need

Consumed by rage

Return to the holy book

Now, read the page

Consumed by lust

Ignite a passion

Disregard any trust

Consumed by pride

Too much self interest

Ready to confide?

Consumed by Envy

Another entrapment gained

Just along for the ride

Consumed by sloth

Idle hands and idle mind

Said by the man of the cloth


Diary of a Stumbling Man

As I was walking down my very dark Pacific Beach neighborhood a few nights ago, I was suffering from a bad case of vertigo I happened to catch, this gave me difficulty walking in a straight line and coincidentally reminded me of an earlier time in my life.  It was a beautiful night, warm and somewhat quiet for a robust beach community with a dense population of young people.  It was bizarre, but a part of me enjoyed the effects of my vertigo during this walk.  I was walking to the local market to pick up a few things and If you were to see me from a distance it would probably seem that I was intoxicated as my walking ability was not normal.  On one occasion I stumbled onto the sidewalk corner onto my left arm and leg taking the most damage with a few scuff’s on my elbow and knee. If anything I wondered if anyone had seen me because if you were to view this event you would probably think how dumb I must have looked.  Yes even the ego becomes aware of any intrusions upon our waking silly life events.  Walking down those dark street corners in Pacific Beach reminding me of when I was much younger.  In years past when I was only seventeen years old I remember walking the streets of a quiet neighborhood after a high school party, I was trying to clear my head walking around the neighborhood.  In this case I was evidently drunk and probably had mixed other intoxicants during that night to make my experience even that more frustrating if you wanted to do basic functions of some sort.

In those early years I had never experienced this kind of behavior as my body was not accustomed to the intoxicating effects.  It was however very new and an unlikely learning experience I would never forget.  I do not encourage this type of behavior since I do not believe in altered states of consciousness produced by some drug induced state.  But it is indeed a new kind of experience that does give one new ways of looking at things.  It can possible give you an alternative way at problem solving since you have subdued your usual conscious mind approach to the world, and as much as it changes the way we look at things, it also likewise hinders our problem solving abilities as well. One can easily evoke the mid sixties era and how the Beatles changed the way we listened to music during that time.  The influence of their experimentation with the music due to the influences upon them during this time is very similar to the point I am trying to make.

As a psychology student I learned in my Physiological Psyche class that if you learn under the influence of (lets say caffeine),  you are likely to recall that information in a similar state of being, such that you would probably like to have caffeine in your system to recall what you had learned on earlier study sessions under the influence of caffeine.  One can easily extrapolate from this hypothesis to other kinds of agents that influence our thinking and our behaviors.  Think drinking intoxicants and trying to pick up dates at bars under these conditions, one may learn certain social skills that will inevitably help them in achieving their goal of capturing the attention of others.

Alcohol tends to diminish social fears, boosts ones awareness and limits inhibitions, and that may just be enough to capture the attention of others de facto under the influence of similar intoxicants.

Unfortunately many of my former school mates in high school were  predetorial using drink to subdue others under the influence rather than be proper gentlemen.  The maturity level is certainly crucial in the developing human being, as many rely upon devious means to make the sporting effect of adolescent charms and taking advantage of others under such conditions.  I was never like that, and I always could tell who one could trust when push came to shove.  I have never respected anyone who relied upon these techniques to gain upon their prey, and I protected several from any funny business which later spawned a nick name as a senior in high school, “the saint”.  I think maybe this was a kind of name that really looked down upon me rather than one of good fortune.  I inadvertently became the protector by disrupting the events to unfold when things got “out of hand”.  I only lectured on the side of when you wake up tomorrow, you will find yourself in total guilt that you had to use alcohol to achieve your goal.this only occurred by chance on only a few occasions.   To me you weren’t any good if you had to use alcohol, or other intoxicants, I was the advocate for being honest.  No other way was superior to this way, because it was the real test of being genuine.  I despised the pretentious.  There can be a lot of ego in high school and early adulthood, and I found very early on that I was not going to play by the rules of the conspicuous arrogant fools that treated others as if they were trifle amusements.

Ironically years later I was far from being “the saint”, as I too had my demons to chase but my true nature did always show, and I did have these memories that I am proud of.  It’s funny how on two completely different tangents of our lives can bring about fond memories on both sides of the spectrum of the life-cycle.  One of a middle-aged man, and the other that of a teen-aged young adult.


Ringo Starr

“A lady that I know just came from Colombia. She laughed because I did not understand. She held out some marijuana uh-huh, said it was the finest in the land. I said, no-no-no-no, i dont smoke it no more. It only makes me fall on the floor.No thank you please, it only makes me sneeze, and then it makes it hard to find the door. A lady that i know just came from Morrocco, Spain. She laughed because i did not understand. She held out a ten-pound bag of cocaine, said it was the finest in the land. I said no-no-no-no, i don’t *sniff* no more, it only makes me fall on the floor. No thank you please, it only makes me sneeze, and then it makes it hard to find the door.
A lady that i know just came from Tennesee. She laughed because i did not understand. She held out a jug of moonshine, uh-huh, said it was the finest in the land. I said no-no-no-no, i don’t drink it no more, it only makes me fall on the floor. No thank you please, it only makes me sneeze, and then it makes it hard to find the door.Ringo Starr’s No-No Song”
Ringo Starr

Lundy Bancroft

“Alcohol does not a change a person’s fundamental value system. People’s personalities when intoxicated, even though somewhat altered, still bear some relationship to who they are when sober. When you are drunk you may behave in ways that are silly or embarrassing; you might be overly familiar or tactlessly honest, or perhaps careless or forgetful. But do you knock over little old ladies for a laugh? Probably not. Do you sexually assault the clerk at the convenience store? Unlikely. People’s conduct while intoxicated continues to be governed by their core foundation of beliefs and attitudes, even though there is some loosening of the structure. Alcohol encourages people to let loose what they have simmering below the surface.
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men