misery

I’m trying to seek approval

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I am trying to seek approval

Because of my father‘s love I never had

He neglected my feelings

I grew up, emotionally fractured, broken, and sad

This is very common

People form a trauma bond

The underlying attraction they feel

Is a masquerade and is still wrong

The familiarity in attachment theory

Has profound implications

Deeply embedded into our  intimacy responses 

Within our primary relations

the more I have studied this behavior

The deepest silent anguish of misery

From those who do not even recognize their condition

will continue to commiserate on their injury

The abhorrent parenting practices

Leave their forsaken children in emotional chains

The atrocious mothers and fathers

Will never see their own children’s pain

https://fb.watch/Dc_OLWTbVg/?mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://fb.watch/Dc_wce61XB/?mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1750969038735564/?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/801244572305841?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1878975279668057/?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/24540551328971729?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://youtube.com/shorts/krrUECw1Vkw?si=7R_0Wiz8jvGgcJHa

RSP

…

DCG

See John Bowlby‘s work on attachment theory

See spark growth on YouTube 

@sparkgrowthofficial 

Breathe deeply

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Release of anxiety

Release of any trauma

Forgiveness must be made

To let go of any drama

Breathe deeply

Pain has an unrelenting hold

Have faith to let go

Face the truth or so I am told 

Maybe it’s denial

Not facing up to your pain

Using a bad coping strategy

Going around and around again

For the avoidant

They will rarely ever learn

If you keep yourself busy enough to make a turn

You will always yearn

Sometimes the child within us

Has never learned to grow

Be very cautious

To those who are unwilling or afraid to show

RSP

…

DCG

https://youtube.com/shorts/Tr8n-qTfdgI?si=-l216YrIr7N8Kdsd

https://youtube.com/shorts/jOKZc3pu4Tw?si=wn8FzNP_kvjZtfL2

One that we host

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Walking on eggshells

Not knowing who to trust

When loneliness meets self-doubt

After two cocktails, you lower your standards and begin to lust

So we dress up, and act clever 

And then we flirt

The person who takes notice

Won’t even be there when you hurt 

Something within us

Drives us to mix and socialize

With our guard rails down

Not sober we will compromise

We reach for the shiny object

That is in the room

Little do we know

More often it turns into gloom

Did we choose wisely?

Only the soul can say

When we rush into excitement

Those feelings sometimes fade away

Off to the bar we go

Not knowing we’re chasing a ghost

One that we have created

And one that we host

RSP

…

DCG

Am I allowed to express what I feel?

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I wear an emotional straight jacket

I created on my own

Formed in my childhood

That I learned in my home

My parents were emotionally impoverished

Not really knowing how to emotionally provide

Not knowing how to love

They both suffered inside

Trauma based genealogies

Go back generations in time

However, we break this cycle

We must be patient

We must be kind

When the human spirit is weak

We may be blind

When the human spirit is strong

A path to discovery, we may find

The human bonding hormone is  oxytocin

If we experience trauma, and there is disruption

We must self regulate

if and when you learn your attachment style

Then maybe you will be able to vindicate

If you try to fill an emotional void

That your own mind will create

You may find an endless loop

That will continue to frustrate

Why is it we always seek connection

To undo a never ending hurt?

If aware, we know this won’t work

But we still continue to flirt

So the question now becomes

Just how do I heal?

How do I make things right?

Am I allowed to express what I feel?

RSP

…

DCG

I self sabotage

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

When I have guilt

When I have shame

I self sabotage

That’s who I blame

I don’t feel worthy

I don’t feel sane

I self sabotage

That’s where I put my blame

Guilt is from choices I’ve made

Shame is from identifying with inadequacy

My father used to put me down

He put me down so masterfully

Abandonment issues

Little self-esteem

The child inside me

Has a diminishing dream

You see I’ve had difficulty in relationships

I had a difficult childhood

And with my low self-esteem

My cognitive dissonance stood

RSP

…

DCG

Old wounds can heal

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

We learn from experience

We learn from dreams

We learn from others

Sometimes these lessons are not what they seem

Forged with reason and emotion

This imprint attaches to our soul

Sometimes they change with the times

Sometimes they’re put out on parole

Attachment to anything

Either pleasure or pain

May not serve us after the fact

And may just be in vain

Memories can last a lifetime

Our ability to deal with them will change

Old wounds can heal

As this is not really that strange

…

DCG



The questions one must ask

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Suffering from the emotional abuse

When a young child is not allowed to cry

Wishing if only

His father would simply just Die!

Old wounds run silent and deep

When a memory of the past

Eclipses your present state

Just how long will this disruption last?

What is adversity?

Is it a certainty?

Maybe even a guarantee?

Does it define us by decree?

Deteriorate

Infuriate

Suffocate

Isolate

When indeed will we learn?

My own prison a captive of my own thought

Both the jailer and the inmate

Is this what my life has brought?

Given the stakes

What must we do?

Pardon the offences?

Follow a moral law that is true?

Where do we draw the line?

How do we measure autonomy?

The questions one must ask

To comport their philosophy

“ The swords of time will peirce our skin

It doesn’t hurt when it begins

But as it works its way on in

The pain grows stronger watch it grin “

The currency of knowledge is free

What we don’t squander

If we attend

Only then this wisdom we can ponder

Receptivity is crucial

I think the broken-hearted people would agree

A key will open a door

A light will allow us to see

Manifest change by perception

Attachment of pain from a dream

Is much harder to navigate

When it clearly cannot be seen

…

DCG

Don’t kick me when I’m down

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Think you’re giving tough love

Are you dismissive?

Do you pre-judge?

Don’t kick me when I’m down

You act like you know all the answers

And treat me like a clown

You become angry and intolerant

Don’t kick me when I’m down

You think that I am stupid

Not really knowing my pain and suffering

I feel belittled and helpless

As I am not fully functioning

You presume I have normal circumstance

Despite the signs clearly before you

If only you pay attention

Then maybe you would change your view

Don’t attack my ability

Put me on the defense

Don’t trivialize my problem

It only makes it more intense

Even accounting the conversation

Leaves me with a frown

As the memory of this relationship

Kicks me when I’m down

When you feel insignificant

Drowning in troubles all around

Don’t feed the wrong energy

Don’t kick me when I’m down

Don’t preach to me with disapproval

Don’t you dare make a sound

I can’t take any more grief

Don’t kick me on the ground

…

DCG

Which will be the albatross?

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Life is too precious

For us to throw away

Yet many of us suffer

When we contemplate suicide by the end of the day

Even the moon

Will shine at night

In the dark shadow of emotion and reason

As darkness is the absence of light

How do we procure

A well balanced soul?

How do we parent?

How do we console?

We must cultivate character

Establish a code of morality

Learn how to forgive ourselves and others

To keep our sanity

The weight of the world is upon you

Tension and pressure will build inside

Are you motivated to take positive action?

Are you relegated to ignore and hide?

Life provides us with challenges

Sloth and apathy a tradition of loss

Which will change a circumstance?

Which will be the albatross?

…

DCG

I say this all with sincerity

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

A narcissist with an inferiority complex

It is a horrific thing being in between

A non-empathetic father

With a low self-esteem

Any one who grew up in this family

I share your pain

I’ve spent the better part of five decades

Searching for answers to keep me sane

Don’t get me wrong

I’ve had a good life

But nobody should have to endure

Such an existential strife

Sometimes I’m haunted by my dreams

But I do not claim to be a victim

I’ve educated myself

And this is my dictum

Make good memories

To replace the ones that harm

Over time these new ones

Will be a healing charm

Maybe this is a poem

Maybe this is my therapy

Maybe this will help others

I say this all with sincerity

…

DCG