Casualty of loss- redacted

– “Casualty of Loss”

I woke to find my name erased from stone,

A casualty of loss, dismissed, alone.

The photographs still hang but look away,

Their eyes recede like tides at end of day.

The room remembers more than I recall,

Its silent witnesses outnumber all.

I trace the dust where once your coffee steamed,

The warmth has left, but still the mug is dreamed.

We built our days like castles out of sand,

Pretending tide could bargain with our hand.

The sea arrived as if on quiet feet,

And swallowed every claim we called complete.

Now meaning limps, a soldier from the war,

Unsure what any sacrifice was for.

My thoughts grow teeth and circle in the night,

They gnaw the ribs that sheltered once-delight.

I pace the narrow hallway of my mind,

Each door is locked by something left behind.

The mirror will not answer when I speak,

It only shows an echo, gray and weak.

I lost you once, but then I lost my way,

As if your leaving emptied out the day.

The clocks still move, but time has gone askew,

It limps in circles, always back to you.

I bargain with my ghosts for one reprieve,

They only nod and whisper, “Let it grieve.”

The world outside still riots into bloom,

Yet each bright petal mocks this inner gloom.

I walk through crowds, a stranger in my skin,

A vacant house with broken floors within.

The mind replays the moment things were torn,

A film that will not stop or be re-scorn.

Self-doubt sits down and pours another drink,

It toasts the story where I always sink.

I tell myself the fault is all my own,

And crown my shame with thorns I’ve overgrown.

But somewhere in this maze a window waits,

A crack of sky that wider light creates.

I hear a distant song, a stranger’s tune,

It braids with wind and wanders past the moon.

The melody remembers what I’ve lost,

Yet hints that nothing loved is ever tossed.

I open up a vein of honest tears,

And wash the rust from long-neglected years.

The heart, though bruised, still trembles when it hears,

That love outlives our damage and our fears.

I stand amid the ruins, breathing slow,

A casualty of loss, but not of hope below.

The scar will outline where the wound once bled,

A quiet map from brokenness to bread.

DCG

The post “A Casualty of Loss” is protected on the site, but the tag listing shows it grouped under “Existential Bewilderment,” alongside themes of disconnection, alienation, and the slow psychological erosion that comes from losing what once sustained a person’s sense of meaning and belonging. What can be said with confidence is that the title and context signal someone who has been inwardly damaged by loss—of love, identity, or connection—struggling to understand how that loss has altered their way of being in the world.[thundergodblog]

A walking contradiction

Are you really trying to hurt me?

Was that your intent?

Are you aware of how that sounds?

 The messages that you sent 

I know you self protect and not self reflect

And I can certainly empathize

But by now you’re old enough to learn

 How to navigate your fear and moralize 

“Defensive exclusion“

Is just running away

Raising your armor

The impulse to flee and not stay

“Defensive distancing“

Self preservation, your first trigger reaction

You freeze up, suppress and avoid

But she will never heal

When you always feel annoyed

You keep me close enough to feel good

But far enough to feel safe

I know your dis regulated

this language, I try to interface 

A funny thing happened to me

On my way to a dream

My subconscious no longer my filter

I see things for what they are

And not for what they seem

You might ask me

Just how I may know

The drops in my water are methylene blue

No foggy brain in my sleep-As my dreams will show

I see all the breadcrumbs you left

A passive – aggressive, communication style

But you hide behind your cowardice

Pretending behind the smile

I see you for who you are

I’ve forgiven you for who you’ve become

I’m strong enough to walk away

What’s done is done

You can only pray so much

For a trapped and bitter soul

The work is left only for you

To climb out of your shame based hole

I painfully know this problem

And there are boundaries that I must explain

I pray every day for a healing

I rely on my faith and I will not complain

May peace find you

There really is no other way

You must face your fear head on

Before you find yourself in decay

RSP

DCG

Yet here I stand 

see the walls you raise,

built from pain you cannot show,


Yet here I stand, a patient guide

through shadows that you know.


Your silence is a language

pain taught your heart to speak,


But my faith gives me courage, gentle strength that will not leak.
Your fears are roots as old as wounds left by your father’s hand,
I sense the trembling in your soul that few could ever understand.
But I don’t flinch from what’s unseen, or from the days you run and hide,


Instead I’ll always reach for you—your journey is my greatest pride.
For healing moves in circles wide, not lines that curve and end,
And every time you stumble, dear, I’ll lift you once again.


If shame and sorrow bind you still, in chains you never chose,
My love will be a steady light each time your old fear grows.


You think you are the sum of hurt, of parents who could not stay,
But I see the woman fighting through, her heart lost in the fray


Each setback is not final, nor proof of doomed defeat,


We kneel together in the faith that makes our union sweet.


I know the path is jagged, and patience wears so thin,


Yet with every scar uncovered, I pray new trust begins.


You’re not required to fix yourself, nor please me with your grace,
It’s only asked you let me in, to share this hallowed space.


Because your worth’s not measured by how fast you heal anew,


Or by the perfect grace you show—your value is just you.
I’ll be here through the winters, and when hope feels far away,
As long as it takes, I’ll stay and stay—by your gentle side, I’ll stay

RSP

DCG

Scar tissue 

Scar Tissue


I wait beneath the weight of hollow years,


the silence burns a prayer into my chest.


Your shadow quivers where the light appears,


I ache in faith, though faith is put to test.


I trace the echo of your turning face,


each time you flee, I find no ground to stand.


The past still hums—a ghost I can’t erase,


a trembling heart still reaching out a hand.


You hide behind your walls of hardened glass,


pretending you were never made to need.


While I am caught in memories that pass,


their thorns still teaching me how hearts can bleed.


The nights collapse with whispers of your name,


and hope becomes both comfort and disease.


I’ve learned that healing doesn’t mean the same


as finding peace—it asks a harder peace.


I see the child in you that never spoke,


the small defense that shields you from my care.


The boy in me still breathes beneath the smoke,


unlearning how to vanish into air.


If grace is measured by the ones who stay,


then mine was forged in storms I could not leave.


I pray the wind will bend your ribs someday,


and teach you how the broken still believe.


Because this bond was never born of choice,


but tethered in the hunger of the scar.


I hear redemption trembling in your voice,


but silence always tells me where we are.


You fear that love will drown you where you stand,


while I fear losing what was never mine.


Each moment drips like blood between my hands,


as faith and grief braid tight around the spine.


I’ve watched your eyes turn distant, cold with doubt,


but underneath I feel the buried prayer.


There is no healing if we cast it out,


so I remain, though absence fills the air.


I can’t repair the child who hides in you,


but I can hold the ache without demand.


If miracles are what the broken do,


I’ll wait for God to place them in your hand.


This scar—our mirror—shines where pain had fed,


reminding me that loss can still renew.


And even if the path is lined with dread,


I’ll walk it still, until it leads to you.

RSP

DCG

However, it may lead I will always find my faith

I know you’re feeling angry

I know your feeling resigned

The coping strategy you use

A pain free solution you will never find

My heart breaks every time I see

The struggle you will not address

It’s from a trauma in childhood

Not any evil demon that you possess

You are held captive

In a prison of your own mind

You are both the prisoner and the jailer

That will punish you every single time

I’ve done the research, I’ve learned my boundaries

But for you, I will not give up, I will not fail

With knowledge there is responsibility

This commitment to heal will not stale

When others have given up

When you found yourself betrayed

Your family members were scattered

And now you drift alone afraid

I understand your shame and fear

A secure attachment of somebody like me

I understand you’re avoidant tendencies

This is something I can clearly see 

In my initial anxious attachment

I have grown into one that is secure

This trauma bond, I now understand

With self reflection and counseling, there is a cure

I walk a precarious edge of a razor

Knowing my empathy couples with self sacrifice

I tread upon this boundary

Knowing full well, what is the emotional cost and price

You may ask me why the emotional fortitude

In my experience of abandonment and shame, I find the grace

However, it may lead

I will always find my faith

RSP

DCG

https://youtube.com/shorts/LRI2CpeR8w4?si=yckUu-wFOGqzgPtV

I’m trying to seek approval

I am trying to seek approval

Because of my father‘s love I never had

He neglected my feelings

I grew up, emotionally fractured, broken, and sad

This is very common

People form a trauma bond

The underlying attraction they feel

Is a masquerade and is still wrong

The familiarity in attachment theory

Has profound implications

Deeply embedded into our  intimacy responses 

Within our primary relations

the more I have studied this behavior

The deepest silent anguish of misery

From those who do not even recognize their condition

will continue to commiserate on their injury

The abhorrent parenting practices

Leave their forsaken children in emotional chains

The atrocious mothers and fathers

Will never see their own children’s pain

https://fb.watch/Dc_OLWTbVg/?mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://fb.watch/Dc_wce61XB/?mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1750969038735564/?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/801244572305841?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1878975279668057/?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/24540551328971729?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://youtube.com/shorts/krrUECw1Vkw?si=7R_0Wiz8jvGgcJHa

RSP

DCG

See John Bowlby‘s work on attachment theory

See spark growth on YouTube 

@sparkgrowthofficial 

Breathe deeply

Release of anxiety

Release of any trauma

Forgiveness must be made

To let go of any drama

Breathe deeply

Pain has an unrelenting hold

Have faith to let go

Face the truth or so I am told 

Maybe it’s denial

Not facing up to your pain

Using a bad coping strategy

Going around and around again

For the avoidant

They will rarely ever learn

If you keep yourself busy enough to make a turn

You will always yearn

Sometimes the child within us

Has never learned to grow

Be very cautious

To those who are unwilling or afraid to show

RSP

DCG

https://youtube.com/shorts/Tr8n-qTfdgI?si=-l216YrIr7N8Kdsd

https://youtube.com/shorts/jOKZc3pu4Tw?si=wn8FzNP_kvjZtfL2

One that we host

Walking on eggshells

Not knowing who to trust

When loneliness meets self-doubt

After two cocktails, you lower your standards and begin to lust

So we dress up, and act clever 

And then we flirt

The person who takes notice

Won’t even be there when you hurt 

Something within us

Drives us to mix and socialize

With our guard rails down

Not sober we will compromise

We reach for the shiny object

That is in the room

Little do we know

More often it turns into gloom

Did we choose wisely?

Only the soul can say

When we rush into excitement

Those feelings sometimes fade away

Off to the bar we go

Not knowing we’re chasing a ghost

One that we have created

And one that we host

RSP

DCG

Am I allowed to express what I feel?

I wear an emotional straight jacket

I created on my own

Formed in my childhood

That I learned in my home

My parents were emotionally impoverished

Not really knowing how to emotionally provide

Not knowing how to love

They both suffered inside

Trauma based genealogies

Go back generations in time

However, we break this cycle

We must be patient

We must be kind

When the human spirit is weak

We may be blind

When the human spirit is strong

A path to discovery, we may find

The human bonding hormone is  oxytocin

If we experience trauma, and there is disruption

We must self regulate

if and when you learn your attachment style

Then maybe you will be able to vindicate

If you try to fill an emotional void

That your own mind will create

You may find an endless loop

That will continue to frustrate

Why is it we always seek connection

To undo a never ending hurt?

If aware, we know this won’t work

But we still continue to flirt

So the question now becomes

Just how do I heal?

How do I make things right?

Am I allowed to express what I feel?

RSP

DCG

I self sabotage

When I have guilt

When I have shame

I self sabotage

That’s who I blame

I don’t feel worthy

I don’t feel sane

I self sabotage

That’s where I put my blame

Guilt is from choices I’ve made

Shame is from identifying with inadequacy

My father used to put me down

He put me down so masterfully

Abandonment issues

Little self-esteem

The child inside me

Has a diminishing dream

You see I’ve had difficulty in relationships

I had a difficult childhood

And with my low self-esteem

My cognitive dissonance stood

RSP

DCG