What I have learned

From my time spent with you

My strategy going forward

I present for your review

I have come to the precipice of truth 

The strength of your faith and the error of your convictions will entangle

You are the medicine for my soul

Yet over this cliff I dangle 

I forge through the pain

I stumble, but still, I fight

To resolve and reach a triumph

I now learn what I know is right

I stop and pause

I identify my state

I convey and communicate

I seek to co-regulate

See it, own it, solve it, do it

This is the mantra I make 

Learn it, master it, embrace it, teach it

This is now the path that I take 

Overtime with discipline

Laughter  and positive energy divides the drama

To allow the gateway for a healing

A recovery from the cycle of trauma

RSP

…

DCG

Stop and pause if you have a conversation like this…

Unknown Speaker A] It’s not my responsibility to teach you how to be in a relationship with me.
[Unknown Speaker B] What? Your emotions are none of my responsibility. Go see a therapist.
[Unknown Speaker A] I’m not your parent.
[Unknown Speaker B] I don’t have time for any of this.
[Unknown Speaker A] It’s not my job to teach you how to communicate.
[Unknown Speaker B] Be an adult.
[Unknown Speaker A] It’s not on me to help you heal in our relationship. That’s on you.
[Unknown Speaker B] Not a mind reader. I shouldn’t have to deal with this. Like I’m not here to raise you. Be whole or be gone.
[Unknown Speaker A] I have zero tolerance for this.
[Unknown Speaker B] This is a hard no.
[Unknown Speaker A] You know what? I’m just going to leave.
[Unknown Speaker B] Good. Do it.
[Unknown Speaker A] Me too.

Retrain your communication to sound more like this…

[Unknown Speaker B] what can I do to help you?
[Unknown Speaker A] What do you need right now?
[Unknown Speaker B] How can I help you feel loved?
[Unknown Speaker A] What does this mean to you?
[Unknown Speaker B] What are you struggling with that I’m not seeing?
[Unknown Speaker A] What triggers are coming up for you that I can help understand and be there for you?
[Unknown Speaker B] How can I help you feel safe right now?
[Unknown Speaker A] How can I help you feel loved right now?
[Unknown Speaker B] I’m at my capacity, but I love you. I’m going to take a break, but I’d love to talk about this once I regulate my nervous system.
[Unknown Speaker A] I love you. I don’t love this behavior, but I do love you and I do believe we can work through this.
[Unknown Speaker B] I love you, but this behavior has this effect on me and unfortunately it hurts our relationship, but I want to work it out because I want to stay close to you.
[Unknown Speaker A] Are you willing to work on this?
[Unknown Speaker B] Are you willing to work on this?
[Unknown Speaker A] I am willing to work on this.
[Unknown Speaker B] I am willing to work on this.
[Unknown Speaker A] I am so sorry for hurting you and I’m going to do better in the future.
[Unknown Speaker B] I’m sorry that my trauma is getting in the way of our healthy relationship. I want to heal this.
[Unknown Speaker A] I love you.
[Unknown Speaker B] I love you.
[Unknown Speaker A] I choose this relationship.
[Unknown Speaker B] I choose this relationship.
[Unknown Speaker A] I choose you.
[Unknown Speaker B] I choose you.
[Unknown Speaker A] We can do this.
[Unknown Speaker B] We can do this

if there is the thought that you are never going to have hard times in a relationship, no one would ever stay in any long-term relationship if you had to be perfect and you could never have a mistake or do anything hurtful. That is an impossible expectation.[Attachment]
[Unknown Speaker B] We have both hurt each other so much out of unawareness, ignorance, toxic patterns.

[Unknown Speaker A] So many chapters of life that bring out the worst in you, stress. There’s so many unforeseen things that can happen in a lifetime with someone that you have to be willing to go through the highs and lows. But I’ll tell you what, the highs have been epic, of course. But then of course there are the low times too. The healthiest relationships are not relations that have not been through challenges. It’s that they’ve been through challenges and they learn how to show up for each other, forgive, have compassion and love each other through those challenges. That’s what makes the strongest relationships.