What is most beautiful?
My answer is beyond what is seen
Behind what is visible
‘Tis but the soul that will intervene
Love that is stronger
Than what is skin deep
Lies within the human spirit
The essence that brings our hearts to weep
WikiPsalm #Nine
DCG
My emotional landscape has been greatly expanded by the experiences of my life. I must admit that this has stretched my perceptions about how we create the world reflecting on times when we are influenced by the way we engage with everything around us and become moved by our lives. We can be profoundly influenced by music, art, or influenced by people close to us that is responsible for the transformation of our experience. It is simply the magical evolution of our experiences that capture us and maintains our fascination with the world. The heart-felt textures that line our lives with rich silken waves of fulfillment touch us, as we ride these flowing streams of our heightened senses. We of course also can become subject to the more vapid, and less attractive attributes of our lives but the contrast between them alone can surely show us just what we should appreciate when these experiences do filter into our lives.
What is astonishing to me is that we all value the same kind of attention, the binding rudimentary human need to belong for our fulfillment. We are all driven by our humanity, we all seek love and affection at very early ages. This has not changed for in all of human history we have stories that give rise to this deeply human drive. To become a part of our culture, to interact with others, the documentation for this is found in every single life that we know of, as the story is told for as many that have the lips to tell it, or as other evidence can be found in literature from all around the world.
the tragedy in every love story is most felt within the family. When by association we have the very essence of why we should love another, we find dissociation between family members that we should know better than not love one another. The most painful kind of tumultuous love is between the love of our parental and sibling foundations of relationship. There are countless opportunities to bond in these kinds of relationships, yet we lose our way in on the roads we travel losing ourselves to the many arbitrary confines that our own ego produces. We may just simply be caught in misunderstanding that can last lifetimes. For whatever the reasons we pull away from our loved ones, I know that this is an example of how we let some of the dumbest reasons influence our being. We let trivial things come between some of our should-be most cherished relationships. The challenge we face should be not faced alone, when we have family to rely upon at times of our need. Unfortunately this is not of common thought through-out our world. We have rivalries, and unspoken ambivalence’s toward each other.
The interesting question is not based on fact that family members will sometimes become dissatisfied with one another; the question becomes why we allow this to happen! Thus, the Devil is in the details which makes its way onto the stage of our lives. For as many credible reasons for there to be some sort of antagonist in our play that is blamed, there is also a protagonist that is malevolently judged, and so the tragedy unfolds. When one cannot tell one from the other, then the blur of our mortal and moral obligations becomes distorted.
Even if we deny parts of our humanity, if we look not further than the trophy’s we place on the wall, we will find that these platitudes of our existence are not what is truly of value to us. The ego embraces false objects of security. We misdirect our affections and lend them to idolatrous worship. We should only direct this conduct in our experience with each other, in our relationships, and the love we share with others, should be the primary mover of our deeds. We should love one another and hold it as the most important factor in our existence. The love ideal is not one that is painless, and resembles an illusory presence in our lives. It is but a factor that makes our lives richer when lived. It transforms our regret, our misery, and our servitude to wrongful submission. I want to make it perfectly clear that our love comes with a price. We probably do not appreciate the quality of our love because we often expect some reciprocity in our valuations of it. Love must be self-less. It must be directed away from our ego inventions. Many of us do not understand why this should be, unless you are a parent, than you may identify with these thoughts.
Parents can relate to holding a very special kind of unconditional love for another despite the reciprocity they will receive.
Stevie Nicks / Fleetwood Mac
I’ve lain awake for most of the night tossing and turning because my mind is restless. I not sure why I am this way but I have reason to believe it is because I long for something more in the life I am following. There is also another reason that occurs to me. The reasoning is as ancient as we are a species I surmise. The will to change comes from an influence of people I love or hold in high regard. However this inspiration transforms us into significant lasting changes within us, it has an equal importance in the renewal that aids us in becoming better people. The transformational qualities that a person can have on you are just as valuable as the benefits received from the changes that occur within us.
There are some days when you are lying in bed, just trying to relax so that you can drift off to sleep, and become vexed because you cannot seem to quiet your mind. It races and keeps focused on some deeper questions when all other insignificant issues drop away from my conscious thoughts. However disturbing this can be, it can also become a liaison to change; an event that forces you to do something different and shift the course you are on.
I know only that I am thoughtful about being a better man than the one I am today. I’ve discovered that to truly enrich my life I can start allowing myself to extinguish the unnecessary convictions I have previously held on to that no longer serve me. I seem driven by forces that are not satisfied with the status quo of my person-hood. I remember that this has happened to me before, (sleepless nights from an induced restless mind), and during that time I began a quest of change, a transformation of a former self.
During this younger self I focused on behaviors that would improve my physical appearance (my health and well-being). I acquired a job that would allow me to fund my intellectual goals and maintain my financial autonomy. I also found quality friends for my social development. Those were sound choices at the time, but what I didn’t account for was the hidden injuries and baggage of my mind that became more evident as I aged only to resurface again later on in my life. Thus again I must pursue a path to cleanse me of these burdens that weigh me down and impede my development.
I must say I have much work to do since I have allowed myself to derail from previous developments. We cannot always predict what we will encounter in this life, and things happen that swedes us into disbanding some of our best efforts and behaviors. I could honestly say on occasion that the ‘two steps forward and one step back’ cliché in my case translates more like stumbling on my way forward only to fall back into a past footprint!
I have previously written on this topic, but what I have not detailed is the sleepless nights where my mind is running at a pace that I cannot diffuse. It is an awakening deep within me that is making its way to be known in my head and my heart. I do not plan on such things as they deeply affect me as I can only allow them to guide me and let these feelings run their course. Wonderful things can happen under the influence of such a powerful emotion. Not all of our feelings will be brought into the light, because of the many complexities of this world. We bury them deep within us to protect any miscalculation, we tuck them away because we may never act on them due to the circumstances. Sometimes this may be wise for us to handle such matters in this way, and sometimes it is a very unfortunate risk that was never taken, and thus haunts us until our death-bed.
I do not know all the reasons why, I often think about every possible angle I can get my head around it, but the heart wants what it wants, and so I am left on occasion sleepless in San Diego.
I have no illusions to make about my situation. It is there for me to use this energy and direct myself into an unknown outcome. It is not the first time, and may not be the last, but I can certainly say that it can be a force to reckon with. If executed with diligence and wisdom this kind of development can be an awesome motivational springboard. The above video is symbolic in how we become moved and charmed by those in our lives.
Who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose, only time
Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies, only time
And who can say why your heart cries
When your love lies, only time
Who can say when the roads meet
That love might be in your heart
And who can say when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart
Night keeps all your heart
Who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose
Only time
And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time
Who knows? Only time
Enya
Many mysterious things can happen to us during our lives. When events happen that we cannot explain, we are sometimes at a loss for words! I have tended to be a hopeless romantic for reasons I cannot explain. A part of my nature that permeates the very essence of my being I cannot seem to get around because it tends to run deep within me.
There are countless stories that spend much of our attention on how we bond with others, how we fall in love, or how we attach ourselves to others that we cannot fully comprehend. Social psychology has its explanations, many other takes are found in popular culture and literature from all around the globe. Whether we mythologize or monetize these sentiments, we as humans still experience them on some level.
For me, moments such as these are always never planned, they are never anticipated when they occur, and they forever leave an impression. It seems that timing is everything, but is it? One must be receptive, and one must somehow be spiritually aligned for any meaningful interaction to take place. But I implore you to find examples in your life that left you speechless in your attempt to find the reasons that completely explain how you felt when those that enchanted you entered into your life? I do not mean any libidinous attraction that captures your interest, but an essence that seems familiar and compels you to take notice.
In movies such as Somewhere in Time (1980), and I Origins (2014), the characters within these movies had connections they could not seem to rationally fathom. I use these movies to show the reader the spirit of this post. Even though these are fictional stories, they shadow a reference for that you may relate with if you have not felt something like this in your own life.
When you find someone who captivates your interest, there follows an amazing process that overtakes you when you seek to learn more about them. Your world is now adjusting to include others in your sphere of influence and doors seem to open that were not present before. In my life because of the influence that presided over me when I was near them, I approached the world differently. Their perceptions took my interest and were special to me as I became curious about what makes them…..well,…..them. You do things like finding yourself listening to the music they like, or maybe you read the same books that they like or become interested in activities that they engage in. You immerse yourself into a part of their world because of forces you cannot verbalize.
The discovery of how they feel about things takes your interest as you find out by listening very intently to them about how they see the world. I cannot voice that this happens for all the people we will meet in the world, and if it does occur, it is likely unique to our valuation of them. There are times when we meet people who cannot be categorized with the logical mind. Something else is exigent within us that motivates our ability to connect with them. We may not have the same views, share the same faith, or even like the same foods, but what does become clear is that we find ourselves charmed by something deeper we cannot rationally explain.
I for one do not know if I am just another hopeless soul floating in a sea among other souls randomly passing each other in the tides, or if there exists a magnetism that pulls others close to us when our proximity is within range. I do think this may be the case based on my own personal experiences, since I cannot find any other explanation to disprove my spiritual beliefs.
☥☥☥
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers,
Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting,
the distressful tears of farewell,
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
And the songs of every poet past and forever.”
― Rabindranath Tagore, Selected Poems
Why do I tend to relate to those Existentialist types?
Earlier in my life I found myself disconnected to the world via my account of my relation to family and my friends. I would often gravitate to the works of those who spoke in terms that I could relate to and found myself reading much about existentialism.
Sometimes I hear the words of Albert Camus whisper vehemently in my ears. His ideas about Absurdism and his philosophy I can often relate to, yet I find that I am somehow somewhere else in my thinking and being. The thoughts extended by my friend Mr. Camus does compel me to think on what he has said, but I feel he is missing something in his assessments.
Many writers have addressed the Absurd, each with his or her own interpretation of what the Absurd is and what comprises its importance. For example, Sartre recognizes the absurdity of individual experience, while Kierkegaard explains that the absurdity of certain religious truths prevent us from reaching God rationally. Camus regretted the continued reference to himself as a “philosopher of the absurd”. He showed less interest in the Absurd shortly after publishing Le Mythe de Sisyphe (The Myth of Sisyphus). To distinguish his ideas, scholars sometimes refer to the Paradox of the Absurd, when referring to “Camus’s Absurd”.
His early thoughts appeared in his first collection of essays, L’Envers et l’endroit (Betwixt and Between) in 1937. Absurd themes were expressed with more sophistication in his second collection of essays, Noces (Nuptials), in 1938. In these essays Camus reflects on the experience of the Absurd. In 1942 he published the story of a man living an absurd life as L’Étranger (The Stranger). In the same year he released Le Mythe de Sisyphe (The Myth of Sisyphus), a literary essay on the Absurd.
The turning point in Camus’s attitude to the Absurd occurs in a collection of four letters to an anonymous German friend, written between July 1943 and July 1944. The first was published in the Revue Libre in 1943, the second in the Cahiers de Libération in 1944, and the third in the newspaper Libertés, in 1945. The four letters were published as Lettres à un ami allemand (Letters to a German Friend) in 1945, and were included in the collection Resistance, Rebellion, and Death.
Camus presents the reader with dualisms such as happiness and sadness, dark and light, life and death, etc. He emphasizes the fact that happiness is fleeting and that the human condition is one of mortality; for Camus, this is cause for a greater appreciation for life and happiness. In Le Mythe, dualism becomes a paradox: we value our own lives in spite of our mortality and in spite of the universe’s silence.
– “The absurd is born of this confrontation between the human call and the unreasonable silence of the world”
While we can live with a dualism (I can accept periods of unhappiness, because I know I will also experience happiness to come), we cannot live with the paradox (I think my life is of great importance, but I also think it is meaningless). In Le Mythe, Camus investigates our experience of the Absurd and asks how we live with it. Our life must have meaning for us to value it. If we accept that life has no meaning and therefore no value, should we kill ourselves?[25] In Le Mythe, Camus suggests that ‘creation of meaning’, would entail a logical leap or a kind of philosophical suicide in order to find psychological comfort.[26] But Camus wants to know if he can live with what logic and lucidity has uncovered – if one can build a foundation on what one knows and nothing more. Creation of meaning is not a viable alternative but a logical leap and an evasion of the problem. He gives examples of how others would seem to make this kind of leap. The alternative option, namely suicide, would entail another kind of leap, where one attempts to kill absurdity by destroying one of its terms (the human being). Camus points out, however, that there is no more meaning in death than there is in life, and that it simply evades the problem yet again. Camus concludes that we must instead “entertain” both death and the absurd, while never agreeing to their terms.Meursault, the absurdist hero of L’Étranger, has killed a man and is scheduled to be executed. Camus made a significant contribution to a viewpoint of the Absurd, and always rejected nihilism as a valid response.
“If nothing had any meaning, you would be right. But there is something that still has a meaning.” Second Letter to a German Friend, December 1943.
Camus’s understanding of the Absurd promotes public debate; his various offerings entice us to think about the Absurd and offer our own contribution. Concepts such as cooperation, joint effort and solidarity are of key importance to Camus, though they are most likely sources of ‘relative’ versus ‘absolute’ meaning. In The Rebel, Camus identifies rebellion (or rather, the values indicated by rebellion) as a basis for human solidarity.
“When he rebels, a man identifies himself with other men and so surpasses himself, and from this point of view human solidarity is metaphysical. But for the moment we are only talking of the kind of solidarity that is born in chains.”[28] __The Myth of Sisyphus
Despite his opposition to the label, Camus addressed one of the fundamental questions of existentialism: the problem of suicide.[29] He wrote, “There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. Deciding whether or not life is worth living is to answer the fundamental question in philosophy. All other questions follow from that”[30] Camus viewed the question of suicide as arising naturally as a solution to the absurdity of life.[31] In The Myth of Sisyphus, Camus seeks to identify the kinds of life that could be worth living despite their inherent meaninglessness.[31]
If “absurdity” is the human failure to find meaning, and our existence is one that we create, than where do we look to find these answers? What is the natural antithesis of this argument?
• Existentialism says the existence of the person is above and before everything else, and the concept of existence before essence is of central importance in existentialism.
• Personal meaning of the world is at the core of existentialism whereas in absurdism, realizing personal meaning of the world is not that important.
Let us first start by looking to each other. To what depth can we reach another if we are alone in the world? If we believe the existentialist philosophers saying that existence precedes essence, than to what avail do we fathom the distance between two people?
In my experience I can say I have seen the depths of my despair and I do not wish for anyone to experience life with this disconnection. But with each fall, the mind can still reach for answers that may take us to tumble before we see anything that makes sense to us.
I think that the greatest human achievement lies not in our philosophical discourse but is in our capacity to love. When the concept of love is realized, than all other doctrines seem to evaporate before our eyes. From what I’ve read about the distinguished philosophers who struggle to find meaning in the world, they seem closed to the idea of the transformational qualities of love. If you can put aside the psychological and philosophical issues we often invent, our experience of the world is greatly shaped by the unifying connections to one another.
The fulfillment of how we treat each other is the primary concern we ought to establish without any debate over other human pursuits in the material world or the philosophical realm of our minds. Tend to the purpose of giving love and the rest of our subjective problems will often vanish before our eyes.
The greatest human tragedy must lie within our failure to love. Quite simply if we are able to give ourselves in an authentic loving way to the universe than our lives will exponentially benefit from the elation of our toils.
The argument made here is that the absurdity found in Camus can equally be found in the failure of human beings to co-exist in a loving biosphere. Our failure to exercise our choices to conduct ourselves in ways that will diminish any angst created by our minds detachment from others. A central thought we find in existentialism is a detachment that views the world as external and devoid of our being connected to it.
“Thrown into the world”…. is a presumptuous statement by JP Sartre. I understand exactly what he means, yet I have considered that we are human and therefore must interact with the environment, thus we are an agency in the world whether we are “thrown” into it or not! My pragmatism will often counter the thinking of the existentialist when matters such as these present themselves.
I once viewed the world in such a way due to my relation to the world at that time, where my head was, and how my emotional balance presented itself to the world. I now see things within different harmonies of mind. A reasoning harmonic that includes many teachings that render choices we make in our lives. I choose to look towards a path that best seizes the opportunities I have once deserted.
If you look to those on their death beds, the top 10 regrets in life should give you a clue about how we should lead our lives. Why do we let triviality take precedence over our lives? I think after the wiser words of those whom have lived longer than we have is a place to look when we find our mortality is staring back at us in the mirror.
What is the toll when for those we love, we fail to pay full attention to the subtle qualities of their life? We are sometimes caught up in our own lives so much so that we are often not “there” for others around us. Our focus is primarily on how we fit into the world. It is our issues, our needs, our wants, and other ego related concerns which take precedence over the interests of another person’s. And what about those we love? At what result do the people we love get overlooked when we do not truly listen to them and take all of them into account? What do you pay attention to when your family members or other close friends speak out about their affairs? We may just brush them off because we think we know them well enough, and since we have already figured them out, we pay little observance to them.
One result may be the dilution of the relationship in that it greatly diminishes the authenticity. We drift apart and this could happen to the relationships within our families. We end up not validating others because we are not “present” with them in their accounts with us. Our diversions take us away from being “present” when we are with them. Presence in mind or mindfulness about them is such a crucial skill we do not often employ.
We all want to be understood, we all want to be acknowledged, we all want to be remembered and some people want many admirers. In terms about our emotional connections with other people, I think that it is more important to be loved deeply than to be loved widely. This irrefutable fact is more than what most of us get! You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you.
I have struggled greatly with the relationships growing up as a boy with my family. I often internalized the behaviors I observed and thought much on the subject for many years. It is precisely why I feel deeply about such matters, because of the impact it had on my life, how I grew up, and to what extent it shaped my values and sensitivities at a very early age. I had little validation and acknowledgement because I was the child that did not give my family any reason to fuss over. I learned very early to self-soothe myself since I had little connection to the rest of my family.
I think that because of my awareness, I have seen the full spectrum of the emotional pendulum. The examples of extreme detachment and extreme empathetic people are self defining. I vowed to study and understand these phenomena so that I may never repeat the unfortunate examples that I experienced in my life. That I would live my life in accordance with the values I recognized to be essential for “connecting” to other people. Authenticity was a central theme for me through-out my progress. In the course of my discovery, I gave of myself as I would like to receive. In that odyssey and experience with others, I felt some of them on some very profound levels that I don’t think they even identified. It taught me much about the human heart and the entanglements we can find ourselves in.
I must admit that I still value those moments I’ve shared with people because I have confirmed and substantiated my beliefs. I have certified that I have loved deeply without misplacing myself into the equation. I have never forgotten those moments when I was presently minded and without my ego to muck things up as I listened to another person’s heart open up to me. It is why we as people can connect at great depth to others because of the power it provides us with.
We take exams about our reading essays and when graded they measure our reading comprehension. Educators do this on all grade levels from elementary schools to University level students. I ask why we do not call out for more training in human communications and ask for listening comprehension between people? Think of the skills learned and the lessons learned that could greatly impact the communities at large when empowered with such training. Sadly we do not invest in such matters, and many do not comprehend themselves let alone others.
When you open yourself up to other people, do you expect them to listen to you with an authentic ear extended? What is the feeling you get when you share an emotive pairing of the minds and become one with others? Not that you agree with what they say necessarily, but rather that you completely understand what they have said, empathize and give of yourself to them while they speak without judgement and accept them for who they are in the moment.
The tragedy found in many people’s lives is the non-recognition of how important the art of listening is and what it means to others. If you have ever felt left out, if you have ever been ignored or not validated on how you feel or think, I can only say that there are people who will listen and are attentive even when the people you want the validation from are not there for you on this level. If you are mindful and aware of this dynamic, then maybe you will express yourself in a way that will touch another persons soul.
I am like that of a two-faced Janus – “With one face I laugh, with the other I weep!”
~~Søren Kierkegaard~~
From the Journals of Søren Kierkegaard he writes that he was profoundly dissatisfied with the emptiness of his existence and with his inability to find some center of focus for his life. On the one hand, he complains of the futility of seeking pleasures which invariably left in their wake feelings of ennui and malaise; on the other, he expresses impatience with learning in so far as this is regarded as a purely dispassionate pursuit of knowledge and understanding – ‘what good would it do me if truth stood before me, cold and naked, not caring whether I recognized her or not?’
I wonder if Kierkegaard would feel differently if he had borne children? He died at the age of 42 in 1855 over 159 years ago. The expression of grief and anguish in a life lived can be seen through-out many of the world’s populations, especially of those that comprise the existentialist philosophical types. In my readings I have pondered some questions about how others have dealt with their pain and suffering. How they have made sense out of a very fault-finding society that displaces guilt, purges frailty, and uses weapons of discourse to manipulate the emotion of others. There are countless examples of ruthless behavior demonstrated by bitter souls that have an axe to grind. The resulting emotional poison of this fester within the veins of the disgruntled who do not transition out from the emotional swamp that impedes spiritual growth among those who suffer from its grasp.
There is nothing more dear to me than the love for my children and those I truly love. It is simply the most powerful feeling I have ever known on this earth. As I reflect upon our relationship through the years, as children, as children of a divorce, and now as young adults living far away from me I’ve had some time to think about just how these feelings present themselves to the world during the span of experiences we perceive. Especially if there is an estrangement between those you love, not knowing the details of their true feelings, but only knowing the distance experienced and you are left to fill in the blanks yourself because they may not want to hurt you or that their ambivalence is a result of one-sided family conversations you have never been included in or part are of. If you have undergone a divorce and separation from your children that has not gone in your favor, then you may understand just what emotional heartbreak is involved when the single most valuable people move away from you, not knowing if and when the next time you see them will be allowed because of the schedules you have to deal with and the person you negotiate this is willing to oblige.
I struggled with this for many years as the job I held was not very accommodating to my child care schedule, my legal support did absolutely nothing to help me, and I was at the mercy of an Ex-Wife who in my opinion alienated the children from me even to this day. I do not wish to hang out my dirty laundry in regards to explaining my position. I do not wish to solicit any pity or express myself in a passively aggressive story of my telling. What I do know is that this experience has left me to think about how cruel this life can be. I do know that true justice in this world can be a fairly tale; a fiction that may never come to be. That we can hopelessly pray, wish, and pretend things will work out in some way that will have an equitable ending, but many a time this is simply not the case. It is possible that some reckoning and honest objective ending will present itself after the writing of this post that has not yet come to be, but I will still have to endure the circumstances for what they are and continue to live hoping for the best. That was some time ago.
Despite the particular theory of emotion you subscribe to, one must still deal with the resulting emotions that come to be.
I think that love itself is just that, the most intense emotion that we as humans can ever experience. Love has built-in cognitive components that synthesize the emotion to greater levels of experience than pure emotional or rational experience. There is a blend of “gut”, “heart”, and “mind” that come together to place it among the most influential and enduring emotional products of the human being. Some would say that anger and hate are equally just as powerful often being compared in intensity, but I do not see this as an equality in human experience. The complexities of these emotions are much more visceral than most other emotions experienced. It is possible that hate and anger are felt as strongly, but the underlying psychological reasons for them to come into being are not even close to gaining my vote on whether they are of equal intensity.
The wisdom of the ages all have chimed in on the argument for the power of love. The hierarchy of human emotion and the corruptible condition that leads humans to do some very distasteful things to one another is a product of our society and an untrained mind. Conversely how we can bestow immense acts of kindness and love to those who give us a wrongdoing is a testament to the spectrum of our capacity for good.
Many emotions that are experienced may be factors of related more primal emotions such as fear, such as jealousy. The underlying emotional and rational components to what we perceive are synthesized together creating this emotion and realized through our behaviors when we take action upon them. The overall view amongst all theories (James-Lange, Cannon-Bard, Schacter-Maranon, Cognitive, or Perceptual theories) is that they do have a symbiotic composite. The only questions left are really epistemological. A which comes first debate usually ensues, ( what is a priori, and what is a posterori ) but is not of importance for this post.
Joy
Joy is a magical, often transformational emotion. In an article titles “The Alchemical Emotion of Joy,” Kevin Ryerson called joy, “the ability to feel the essence of your own divinity.” Related emotions include happiness, exhilaration, excitement, pleasure and contentment.
Anger
Anger can be felt on many levels, ranging from highly irritable to frustration. It is defined as a strong feeling of disapproval or dissatisfaction, usually brought on by some real or perceived wrongdoing. Related emotions include resentment, exasperation, rage and fury.
Anxiety
Anxiety can be subjective and difficult to describe. Most often, it means feeling nervous or uneasy, but in many cases there is no specific reason for feeling so. Impending danger, an upcoming exam, speaking in front of an audience, a blind date, and even day-to-day stress can lead to feelings of anxiousness. Related emotions include distress and apprehension.
Surprise
Feelings of surprise can be pleasant or unpleasant. The one constant, however, is the suddenness of the feeling. Related emotions include amazement, bewilderment, astonishment or feeling startled.
Trust
Also referred to as strength or self-assuredness, trust enables humans to rely on confidence, impart confidence or experience hope. Related emotions include certainty, faith and a feeling of security.
Grief
Mental suffering over a great loss or painful experience are the hallmarks of this emotion. Like anger, there are varying degrees of grief, ranging from disappointment to great despair. Related emotions include anguish, heartache, melancholy and woe.
Fear
Fear is an adaptive human emotion that often has unpleasant side effects. In cases of violent crime or a near-death experience, the victim might experience post-traumatic stress disorder. Fear can also have a protective effect. Think of the father who, for only a moment, can’t locate his child in a busy supermarket. His immediate response (fear), enables him to quickly read his surroundings, listen for his child’s voice and locate the child. Related emotions include apprehension, terror, panic and dread.
Feelings of personal attachment to a child, husband, wife, parent or friend are most commonly associated with love, but love can fall anywhere on the spectrum from passionate affection to mere enthusiasm. Feelings of love might be romantic, or they could mean having a high regard for a friend, church or cause. Related emotions include fondness, adoration and passion.
Knowing the distinction between how we feel and how we act upon them becomes the morality we live every day. The choices we act upon in behavior defines our characters. The angst (possibly a quasi-primary emotion), we feel when we contemplate such matters of the heart are common place among many of us despite the awareness of our feelings, out thoughts, or that experienced within our “gut”. They say that integrity means “doing the right thing even when others are not looking!” I sometimes wonder if the self-imposed morals that we often adopt lead us to be more prone to feelings of anxiety and despair? If we adopt a flawed morality, do we suffer from the outcomes of our behavior when we live by these rules, or is it that we change our reasoning due to our cognitive dissonance resulting from the outcomes?
Having to taste from the well of a polluted pond, and having to taste the nectar of honey can leave an impression upon those who have been able to distinguish between them. There are those who cannot make that distinction and thus live accordingly to this perception of the world. I sometimes think that I can see the world with a Janus face…..laughing at the absurdity of our human affairs whilst weeping at the outcomes of our faulty misdeeds, thus I am torn!
The question eluding many of us is how will we live with our actions and those of others who impart calamity in our lives? I believe there is a force in the universe that is able to distinguish between the good and bad, the right and wrong, the just and unjust behaviors that embellishes our deeds and somehow in our existence makes amends to control the balance of nature. The only proof that exists in my mind of this principle is what is observed within my life in defiance of cases which have not yet come to be. For that I can only have faith that a harmonious balance exacts its own justice out of the affairs of human kind.
The beauty and rarity of the world sometimes strikes us at times when we least expect it. It is certain that when we are receptive to what we can attend to, it will most likely make itself known to us. So often we choose to look in the wrong direction and miss what life has to offer us. So often we choose to miss what is right in front of us, not necessarily what we want, but rather what we may truly need. Happiness is something we do choose. Happiness is attainable and sustainable and we sometimes must reach outside our own self driven desires to completely fulfill these ambitions.
The journey of the self can take us on many roads. The road least traveled seems to begin when we have not found what we think we would find on those previously ventured paths. All roads lead to where you are metaphorically and literally is something that cannot be denied. Perhaps there is something to be said about the Forrest Gump notion of Destiny; a destiny inclusive of when we float around kinda like the feather on the wind and also one that includes a destiny that we are predestined to take. ….Forrest says….”I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floatin’ around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it’s both.” The feather seems to point to an accidental kind of life, but it always shows up at just the right time, so maybe destiny brought it there. Somehow they are intermingled and we find ourselves in this world on a path that includes both accounts. Throughout the film, the motifs of a feather and birds are used to promote the message. The feather seen both at the beginning and the end of the film has a clear purpose. The feather simply floats about on the breeze, no direct route and no known destination. This feather represents the journey to destiny, free and random. Similarly, birds also ride upon the wind, but do so with more choice. They are still free and, though it may seem less so, just as random. Whatever choices are made leads ever on towards destiny.
Fate – the uncontrollable events that make each of us what we are. But the Forrest Gump film’s emphasis is not on fate itself, but on our responses to what fate deals us. While we can’t decide what happens to us, we each have important choices to make in the circumstances in which we find ourselves.
If one were to acquaint to this kind of reasoning about destiny, then one can establish that people who “float around accidental-like” and drift into our lives when we least expect it is a probability that cannot be refuted. The circumstances of how we connect to others may sometimes tell us part of the story, but it also begs the question about the depth and quality of that connection. This is something we all must work out for ourselves when we speak of those close to us.
Those that impact our lives on deeper levels mean more to us than most of the people we will encounter. They impact us depending on our receptivity to them. If by association from the media when we read about others who capture our attention, or be it those that we admire from a particular vantage point such as on a professional level or maybe on a personal level that responds to their artistic and creative productions that somehow personally speak to us; we have allowed them to enter our inner processes. We are affected by those who touch us in ways that others cannot.
It is as if we are tuned to particular incoming intuitions that reach us and activates or stirs something within us before we truly take notice. Those who incite us, who awaken us on levels that we have forgotten, ignored or possibly never experienced before, bestow us with experiences which renews and transforms us.
With relationships of course the question will arise if the people we connect with are good for us? A topic for many that have found out that they have chosen poorly. Risk is essential but it should have some intelligent thought placed within the equation. We are creatures that can be moved by others on different levels. The timing of events in our lives is a most curious thing. An alignment with the positive elements in the universe can bring to us like-attracting elements we face in the world whether we realize it or not. The converse is also true. Yes we may stumble and tumble along the way, but if our compass be true, we will find a way.
What do you know about love? If you ask Google, they will tell you the most searched phrase on the internet is the question what is love, the literature is filled with written accounts, musicians sing about the aspects of love, and it is thought to have started the Trojan war. Love has circulated the human condition for eons, reported and retold in fairy tales to our young, discussed by all the classical philosophers and poets, yet for most of us, we still have an inexperienced puerile understanding of what it means to love one another. A psychologist will delineate love into different types, and as a matter of fact, one can find about three to ten or more types of love displayed on a good search engine. A therapist on the other hand will examine the problems of intimacy inside a relationship, as to provide the couple with ways to reconnect to that loved one, but ask yourself a question before you read on any further. Have you been in love?
Not infatuation, attractions, or crushes, but rather a deeper bonding that you cannot explain. Every nerve impulse that fires within your body compels to be directed toward that person you desire. You can’t seem to control this feeling, but it certainly becomes awakened and alive when they are next to you. I do not speak of the libidinal sexual energies, but the psycho-physiological functions that you cannot easily dismiss and deny at the presence of the other person. An emotional factor that cannot always be subdued, and rejected by the rational ego.
How has it enhanced or hindered your personal life depending on the choices you have made? What were the emotional outcomes of the decisions you made? Were you able to have the courage to tell that special someone that you love them? More painfully, did you have someone that did not return back the feelings you freely gave up to them?
Many of us have had opportunities to gain experience in building relationships through the years, with our school associations, work associations, and other social networks we call our friends. The power of observation gives us plenty to digest, and we have learned through trial and error on established etiquette; information given to us by our friends, family members, and what is in the popular culture on how to carry on with a love interest.
How are you certain that you are in love? If you are in love, how much are you willing to give to the relationship to keep it alive, to keep it fresh, to keep it exciting? Are you willing to commit and sacrifice, face the hardships, and tolerate unforeseen drama? How much are you willing to except the person you thought you knew, now that you have learned the subtleties of their personality and they have learned yours. In some cases I believe that some people do not have the hardships as others experience. I suspect that the particular upbringing and the complications of some lives are accredited for the happenings.
For many that believe love is hard to find I may offer an alternative view. Finding love is not the difficulty in this life, for there may be some who disagree. I’m going to state that the hardest thing about love is not in the finding of it, but rather in the maintenance of it. The nurturing and caring for it, the devotion to making it a successful philosophy in your relationship resides largely in your own hands. A relationship is like a living entity. It will grow when nurtured.
Finding love is not the most difficult part of the quest. It is rather that most people seem to be challenged by keeping the loved one close to their heart. The time it takes to invest into the relationship, maintain, and cultivate that relationship is where much of the hard work will come into play. The risk initiates itself when the romantic levels diminish into the every day routines, and if you are smart you will not let it get to that stage without being proactive. Make time for one another, stroke your loved ones hair, and when they are resting next to you, softly touch and caress their skin as they sleep. Give of yourself showing them that in what you do honor’s them. Being passionately interested in something positive within your life, sharing your life with them even when it’s the simplest of things, paying attention to their needs over yours will all be appreciated by that special someone if there is a connection. Take time for them, continue to be romantic through out the relationship, even when you have been with that person for years, since we all love to be loved. Paying attention to your loved one is essential. The list can go on and on, but the point is that we seem to lose our focus in the relationships we engage in that frankly can be good for us. The fact that it didn’t work out the way we wanted may be due to the effort we placed into the relationship, and not so much that we were not well suited for one another, etc.
The human condition is a very peculiar system when dealing with the emotional/rational aspects of relationships. The case of unrequited love, the possibility will not be the same. Many of us have suffered through such trying times. I have personally suffered but learned a great deal from my experiences with another not returning my affections. As the reader has their own experience with this topic, you know very well how you felt, the effects it had on your life, and the intensity that you experienced it with. The emotional challenges and the social challenges it placed on you. The denials, the lessons you learned, and the choices you made during that time shaped much of who you are today.
People crave attention. Most people crave love and affection universally unless they are damaged soul’s that have sustained some emotional and physical trauma growing up. In general they still crave what we crave, but the possibility for the many strange manifestations become astronomical. Our affections can be manipulated, and shaped depending on the modeled type that we learn from. As in the study conducted below, our attachment becomes imbedded into our learned behaviors. In Attachment style: we develop styles of love that are based on expectancies developed from childhood experiences with caregivers: Secure; Anxious/ambivalent; and Avoidant (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, 1978; Hazan & Shaver, 1987; Shaver, Hazan and Bradshaw,1988).
Many have learned with experience through the process of having others in our lives that we deeply care about, that unexpected outcomes may occur. It is self evident that caring deeply means that we tolerate, except, and forgive others who may unintentionally cause us emotional discomfort.
In the Three Dimensional View: The experience of love is a function of levels of intimacy, commitment and passion (Sternberg, 1988). In the Table below, for each type of love, a plus sign indicates the presence of each dimension of love, and a minus sign indicates that the dimension is not present. Descriptions of what these combinations of the various love dimensions should tend to be like can be found in the following chart.
| Intimacy | Passion | Commitment | |
| Nonlove | |||
| Liking/friendship | x | ||
| Infatuated love | x | ||
| Empty love | x | ||
| Romantic love | x | x | |
| Companionate love | x | x | |
| Fatuous love | x | x | |
| Consummate love | x | x | x |
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Liza Misra, a psychotherapist, says, “Those who dwell on feelings of unrequited love are generally those who assume that true love is necessary for ultimate happiness and this need to love before one can feel happy is called dependency. Interestingly, unrequited love can actually last a very long time, for many years or even decades – paradoxically the lover’s feelings usually reach a breaking point as they continue to deepen. Unrequited love may end when the lover receives reciprocation from the loved (consummation), develops less intense feelings for the loved (starvation), or channels his / her feelings towards another, more reciprocating person (transformation).”
Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. Helen Keller
We can’t always predict who will fall in love. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and how we meet this world and come to terms with it depends on us and our understanding. Be assured that the universe will provide in times of need if one is receptive. Sometimes it will be in the form of a movie that allows you to reflect differently on things, or it might be someone you meet that takes you by surprise. The idea that we suffer when our love is not returned is ironic and does not wholly encompass love’s meaning. Love is to be given freely without expectancy. The highest form is agape, or unconditional and is given without expectation regardless of circumstance. I myself have learned that one must move forward and allow the soul to heal. To keep oneself attached to a love interest in an effort to win them over is futile. The best thing to do is allow the soul to move on and experience positive energies elsewhere. Like in the movie below….
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