suffering

Only one solution exists 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I grew up with a father who was a narcissist

He also had an inferiority complex and was insecure

My sensitivity to these behaviors have echoed throughout my life

Even to this day, I am still sure

With poetic self reflection

I unravel this entangled ball 

I reveal more connections

All before and after the fall

If you suffered from severe emotional neglect in childhood

You will never forget if untreated

You will become anxiously attached with a trauma bond 

And voraciously seek approval until your soul is depleted

Trauma is generational

It can be a past on maladaptive disease

Disruptively impacting the lives of the forsaken

It will do with you what it will please

Ironically, loving the unlovable

Only one solution exists

That is forgiveness

That you cannot deny or resist

…

DCG

I filled in all the missing parts 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

If women fall in love with men from what they hear

And men fall in love with women on what they see

Does this explain why women wear make up and men lie?

A paradox of human behavior and controversy

You’ve never really opened up to me

I think now I know the reasons why

I filled in all of the missing parts

My mind created a world for you, but I filtered out the noise in the sky

When given Little information

Confirmation bias just may take hold

But at the end of the day

Truth comes out and will be told

I try not to attach to the flaws of other people

I have my struggle I must own

I forgive and move forward

I hope this is shown

When you see behind the mask

Make sense of the struggle and the ordeal

We have an opportunity and a choice

On what to do and how we should feel

Understanding is important

But it is not the end all cure

The hard part is finding a resolution 

Your intentions must be pure

Many people won’t accept these terms

Many people will get stuck in their head

They will not self reflect

They will justify and turn around instead

I’m sure you think

I won’t accept you if I truly knew who you are

and so the masquerade

You shield your ego from afar

If I was wrong

You didn’t have to play along

But I know what you did

Who you gonna kid

Just how do you get?

701

Active again

After all has been said and done

RSP

…

DCG

Heal with me RP

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Been up and down, been flipped around

a life filled with loss

And I’m damaged goods it’s understood

With my luck, it’s up to a coin toss

Right side up

Or upside down

I met you at the right moment

And it was you that I found

I will never forget- When I took notice

As you came up and spoke with me

How could I have ever known?

You would be the one to make me see

I lived with being broken

For all of these years

Sometimes it takes a lifetime

To mend a heart as you shed the tears

I know I have a responsibility

My purpose is to heal

You have awakened me inside

And now again, I can truly feel

You can release the Kraken

I will still be all in

Understanding the reasons for our suffering

And where it all begins

Heal with me RP

I know at first, it might be strange

I think maybe we both

Could use a change

A change in how we see the world

And some of the people in our lives

Who said painful words

That cut into us like knives

I’m one that can appreciate

All you have to bring

The goodness you radiate

Makes my heart sing

Because of this bond

My heart is in tune

It resonates with yours

It beats even harder with you under the full moon

There is something very special

An opportunity to mend a soul

One hurt in the past

A part of which someone stole

Let the next words of this poem

Be written as we spend time together

May we heal each other?

Birds of a feather ….

RSP

…

DCG

Which will be my finality? 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

You can bury your emotions and feelings

Way way down and deep

But you can’t forget them

If attached to a painful memory that you no longer want to keep

You learn from childhood that You must suppress your feelings

You tell me “they are something you just don’t do“

At the same time, you wipe the tears away and say

Shoo fly shoo

We both fear abandonment

You dismissively avoid and I anxiously attach

A magnetic connection

Prone to an abrupt dispatch

No, I won’t talk

I’ll just listen

Write another poem

About what we’re missin’

The hardest thing I’ve ever done

Caught between two realities

With or without you

Which will be my finality?

RSP

…

DCG

Already Gone

Song by Kelly Clarkson ‧ 2009

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn’t want us to burn out
I didn’t come here to hurt you now
I can’t stop

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you’ll find another
That doesn’t always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

I’m already gone
Already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So I’m already gone

Already gone
Already gone
Ooh, oh
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

I’m already gone
Already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So I’m already gone

One that we host

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Walking on eggshells

Not knowing who to trust

When loneliness meets self-doubt

After two cocktails, you lower your standards and begin to lust

So we dress up, and act clever 

And then we flirt

The person who takes notice

Won’t even be there when you hurt 

Something within us

Drives us to mix and socialize

With our guard rails down

Not sober we will compromise

We reach for the shiny object

That is in the room

Little do we know

More often it turns into gloom

Did we choose wisely?

Only the soul can say

When we rush into excitement

Those feelings sometimes fade away

Off to the bar we go

Not knowing we’re chasing a ghost

One that we have created

And one that we host

RSP

…

DCG

My nervous system has been hijacked 

~ DC ~ 1 Comment

The most impactful relationships we will ever have

Will come from our own parental family

The nurturing from our childhoods

 Will influence our prosperity 

My nervous system has been hijacked

I am humbled by my captive trauma prisoner -my subconscious mind

Why is it so easy to notice?

But yet it’s still so hard to find?

Emotional abuse can be haunting

But we do not have to become attached to the past

We can learn new paths of direction

We can form good new memories that will last 

The limbic system is compromised

The neocortex and it’s six layers and five lobes complicate

And if you bring up the non-physical consciousness

That’s even harder to debate 

Hence, the problem of overthinking

A byproduct of curiosity

Part of being human

And a high probability

The mind/body problem of philosophy

Descartes’ Cogito Ergo Sum

Wittgenstein’s language games

Makes the debate still loom

Despite the scientific reasons

Despite the great analytic minds

We must still find our way to heal

Whether it is from ourselves or from the divine

RSP

…

DCG



Because this is my heart‘s echo 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

When you are in my heart

I do not feel so empty or deficient

When you are in my thoughts

I feel my purpose knowing you are self sufficient 

We have both experienced a similar childhood  neglect

And because of this, I formed with you a bond

We have never really spoken much about it

I think I know just how you will respond

I see you as a mirror to my own inner reflection

I know I must do the work and look within

I have an opportunity to become a better man

I take a moment of silence, I pray, and then I begin

You have opened up a side of me

I never really knew The remains

Of such a deeply hurt little boy

Needing to heal and make a change

Prior to knowing you

I’ve always intellectualized my pain

I never really made the emotional connection

Of just how lost I became

You have touched me very deeply

You’ve broken through the barriers that I present

It was you who awakened me from my emotional dream

Of which there is no more time that needs to be spent

I consider you a blessing

There is something I want you to know 

Maybe we crossed paths for a reason?

Because this is my heart‘s echo 

RSP

…

DCG

It’s your spirit that’s longing to suffer no more 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment


To forgive is not just to lighten their load,
But to free your own soul from the burdens you’ve owed.
For holding to hurt is a road that won’t end,
A journey that circles, that never will mend.
Unforgiveness, a poison that seeps in the heart,
It chains us in darkness and keeps us apart.
It’s not for their sake that you open the door—
It’s your spirit that’s longing to suffer no more.
Release the old memory, let bitterness cease,
And give your own spirit the gift of some peace.
Forgiveness is healing, a balm for the soul,
It’s cutting the tether and making you whole.
So set down the anger, let go of the pain,
And walk in the sunlight, unshackled by blame.
For the one who is freed by the act you begin—
Is the soul in the mirror, forgiving within.

— for Robyn—

RSP

…

DCG

our own worst enemy 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I will give you my honesty

I will share the burden of your pain

I will support you when you’re down

I will support you if you need to make a change

Our own worst enemy

What lies within our doubt?

Often interfering with our true abilities

We fail to recognize our own clout

I see two sides of you

One who wants love and acceptance

And another that pushes everyone away

These two sides, cause the resistance

One side based in doubt and shame

A childhood emotional neglect

Becomes hardwired into your brain

At least this is what I suspect

The other side is what every person craves

This nourishment of love and validation

Despite your dismissive avoidant isolation

What I think is wonderful

I have seen a change

You’ve taken steps out of your comfort zone

That takes courage when things become strange

Little by little

In tiny amounts

You’ve let me in

On what really counts

Despite the wants and the needs

The fear of intimacy reigns

I know you are aware of this dynamic

I pray that these barriers will wane

I’ve learned from my own suffering

That events from the past

Should only be a lesson

And not a life long sentence that will continue to last

I have an understanding

I sense an emerging trust

You’re looking outside the emotional claustrophobia

Into a new world that you are thrust

…

DCG



Anxious attachment

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Anxious attachment

Can be very troubling indeed

Stuck in resolving old childhood wounds you’re caught in a vicious cycle of seeking approval

Just where will this lead?

You will not always be triggered

Much depends on where in the spectrum you lie

It’s hard to quantify the measure

It’s rather an internal feeling that you must rely

To be clear anxious attachment is not obsessive

At a very early age it is wired into the brain

When you learn to self regulate with maladaptive behaviors

You look only to soothe the pain

You are not likely to discover your attachment style

Unless you look deeply within

I would have never found out until I met a dismissive avoidant

This powerful attraction made me question myself… Where shall I start, where shall I begin?

When I think of this emotional tragic fact of life

I am somehow reminded of the U2 song mothers of the disappeared

Another kind of torture

One that is much more clear

What is extraordinary

Is our ability to adapt and heal

We are not destined to fall down and give up

we will always have choices even after we kneel

RSP

…

DCG