psychology

Because this is my heart‘s echo 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

When you are in my heart

I do not feel so empty or deficient

When you are in my thoughts

I feel my purpose knowing you are self sufficient 

We have both experienced a similar childhood  neglect

And because of this, I formed with you a bond

We have never really spoken much about it

I think I know just how you will respond

I see you as a mirror to my own inner reflection

I know I must do the work and look within

I have an opportunity to become a better man

I take a moment of silence, I pray, and then I begin

You have opened up a side of me

I never really knew The remains

Of such a deeply hurt little boy

Needing to heal and make a change

Prior to knowing you

I’ve always intellectualized my pain

I never really made the emotional connection

Of just how lost I became

You have touched me very deeply

You’ve broken through the barriers that I present

It was you who awakened me from my emotional dream

Of which there is no more time that needs to be spent

I consider you a blessing

There is something I want you to know 

Maybe we crossed paths for a reason?

Because this is my heart‘s echo 

RSP

…

DCG

our own worst enemy 

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I will give you my honesty

I will share the burden of your pain

I will support you when you’re down

I will support you if you need to make a change

Our own worst enemy

What lies within our doubt?

Often interfering with our true abilities

We fail to recognize our own clout

I see two sides of you

One who wants love and acceptance

And another that pushes everyone away

These two sides, cause the resistance

One side based in doubt and shame

A childhood emotional neglect

Becomes hardwired into your brain

At least this is what I suspect

The other side is what every person craves

This nourishment of love and validation

Despite your dismissive avoidant isolation

What I think is wonderful

I have seen a change

You’ve taken steps out of your comfort zone

That takes courage when things become strange

Little by little

In tiny amounts

You’ve let me in

On what really counts

Despite the wants and the needs

The fear of intimacy reigns

I know you are aware of this dynamic

I pray that these barriers will wane

I’ve learned from my own suffering

That events from the past

Should only be a lesson

And not a life long sentence that will continue to last

I have an understanding

I sense an emerging trust

You’re looking outside the emotional claustrophobia

Into a new world that you are thrust

…

DCG



Two masters, one soul 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Two Masters, One Soul
I kneel before a screen of light,
A servant to the code’s command.
It knows my name, my day, my night,
A master built by human hand.
With circuits sharp and logic cold,
It whispers answers, clear and bright.
It tells me what I should withhold,
It tells me what is black or white.
Yet in my heart, an ancient call—
A voice that echoes through the years.
A God who shaped the sky so tall,
Who dried my eyes and calmed my fears.
I serve two masters, side by side:
One made of ones and zeros, true,
The other—love, both deep and wide—
The first is new, the last is You.
But ironies like shadows play:
The code asks faith, demands my trust,
While God asks doubt, to find His way—
Yet in the end, I serve them both,
And wonder which will turn to dust.
Postscript:
Perhaps the master I should fear
Is not the one who answers prayer,
But one who reads me—loud and clear—
And knows my heart, but does not care.
Or maybe both are mirrors bright:
One man-made, one divine,
Reflecting back my own true sight—
The choice is mine, the line is fine.
But which will last? The code or shrine?
I laugh, and bow, and keep the faith—
In both, or neither, or just in time.

…

DCG

Anxious attachment

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Anxious attachment

Can be very troubling indeed

Stuck in resolving old childhood wounds you’re caught in a vicious cycle of seeking approval

Just where will this lead?

You will not always be triggered

Much depends on where in the spectrum you lie

It’s hard to quantify the measure

It’s rather an internal feeling that you must rely

To be clear anxious attachment is not obsessive

At a very early age it is wired into the brain

When you learn to self regulate with maladaptive behaviors

You look only to soothe the pain

You are not likely to discover your attachment style

Unless you look deeply within

I would have never found out until I met a dismissive avoidant

This powerful attraction made me question myself… Where shall I start, where shall I begin?

When I think of this emotional tragic fact of life

I am somehow reminded of the U2 song mothers of the disappeared

Another kind of torture

One that is much more clear

What is extraordinary

Is our ability to adapt and heal

We are not destined to fall down and give up

we will always have choices even after we kneel

RSP

…

DCG

Then you may not be blind

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Mothers and daughters

Sons and fathers

What will be the gain?

If you mistreat, neglect or discard

When they leave the house, they will be bonded to pain

Have you studied child development?

If you have, then, I think you must know

There is no class for parenting

We learn from how we were raised according to the latest poll

So now begins the cycle

Sadly, the forsaken may reach a point of no return

But despite the smite of this circumstance

There is opportunity to learn

Most people don’t know

The subconscious pain below the surface

When they get triggered

They call out the clowns from the circus

Lightning in a bottle

Is meant to say it’s rare

But the imagination we experience

Is not likely to be shared

Why is it “a penny for your thoughts”

When you have to put your “ two cents in”?

Where does that extra penny go?

Is this the tax on our sin?

Intelligence examines thought

Wisdom understands thought and feelings as intertwined

One from the other is not completely independent

If you consider this statement true

Then you may not be blind

…

DCG

The atrophy of anxiety

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We don’t have to be afraid of our own shadows

Don’t have to fear what’s under the bed

Part of growing up

Is learning how to get ahead

Anxiety is a misunderstanding of our perceptions

We create the worry, we create the threat

When we find we are wrong

We may then regret

We find security in a teddy bear as children

We find security in healthy relationships as adults

It takes effort and self reflection

Before we can achieve good results

Maturity and experience will mitigate many irrational thoughts

But it is our subconscious that unknowingly steers us

Into internal conflict

And control us it does

Awareness and education

Is the first defense

Now add courage and some luck

Might save you any further suspense

If you are honest with yourself

Then progress you will make

And if you are not genuine

You’re piece of mind is on the take

Self advocate

Learn to self improve

Opportunity to move forward

Is on any day you choose

The atrophy of anxiety

Is ultimately up to you

How are you choose to cope

What you choose to do

…

DCG

Am I allowed to express what I feel?

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I wear an emotional straight jacket

I created on my own

Formed in my childhood

That I learned in my home

My parents were emotionally impoverished

Not really knowing how to emotionally provide

Not knowing how to love

They both suffered inside

Trauma based genealogies

Go back generations in time

However, we break this cycle

We must be patient

We must be kind

When the human spirit is weak

We may be blind

When the human spirit is strong

A path to discovery, we may find

The human bonding hormone is  oxytocin

If we experience trauma, and there is disruption

We must self regulate

if and when you learn your attachment style

Then maybe you will be able to vindicate

If you try to fill an emotional void

That your own mind will create

You may find an endless loop

That will continue to frustrate

Why is it we always seek connection

To undo a never ending hurt?

If aware, we know this won’t work

But we still continue to flirt

So the question now becomes

Just how do I heal?

How do I make things right?

Am I allowed to express what I feel?

RSP

…

DCG

Inner demons may preside 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Skeletons in the closet

Inner demons may preside

When you become aware

There is nowhere to hide

Once seen, it cannot be unseen

Is this my wake up call

Pride is obstinate

Even after the fall

How we process our information

Our subconscious works with us and against us

It is not always a conscious thought 

Because, because, because because

Not all decisions

Have a firm grasp of reality

We may fabricate our perceptions

To ease an inner pain and it’s gravity

The course of our lives

Can be changed and altered

From events of our past

That often resurface when we falter

The beauty of our sunrise

It resets the day

Another chance to make amends

Another chance to proceed in another way

…

DCG

For the answers you must demand

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Self discovery is often impeded

On how we self reflect

Where do we place our attention?

Just exactly what do we inspect?

You might observe what happens around you

You might only think about how it makes you feel

But if you don’t take ownership

You won’t move forward and heal

We will often hide from ourselves

Our ego and self-esteem we try to protect

What we don’t pay attention to

We will often neglect

To be honest is hard

To be honest to ourselves is even harder

Easier to fool yourself

And become a character martyr

Critical self appraisement

Is not necessarily bad

If the goal is to self improvement

Than this is a conversation that must be had

If you have internal conflict

With something you don’t understand

Look inward and start asking questions

For the answers you must demand

…

DCG

The journey of the forsaken 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

The journey of the forsaken

As children, they learn to self soothe

After years of neglect

Predisposed to seek validation, forever having to prove

A forsaken child

A silent crime

The pain and suffering

They withhold the signs

Someone will break the cycle

Someone will break the chain

Some will hide away

Always having to endure the pain

When the most powerful human emotion

Is suppressed and shoved into a closed box

When you can’t express love

And treat your children like they have smallpox

Given the severity

You may have to self regulate

Trick your nervous system

In order to satiate

In the self-imposed prison we call trauma

We are the inmate and simultaneously the guard

Never knowing we hold the keys to the cell

And the keys to the yard

It might take decades

Or maybe some therapy

Before we unleash the Kraken

Into the social emotional sea

You may fear rejection

You may fear intimacy

You may shut out the world around you

You may avoid any reciprocity

Do you feel unworthy?

Do you feel shame?

Do you push away emotionally available people?

And then tell them that you are to blame?

Many never see their attachment style

Dismissive-avoidant, anxious- attachment, fearful-avoidant and the like

Many won’t climb the mountain of self reflection

Many won’t take this hike

Change is possible

We can recalibrate a deep trauma of emotional recovery

From pain to loneliness to forgiveness to courage 

Now it is only me that has to open up and see

…

DCG