I’d Rather Risk Sharing


Am I in too deep?

I’m always thinking of you

What is going on inside me?

It’s just my point of view

There are people in this world

They capture your essence

Even the grown man again becomes the adolescent

Don’t get me wrong

It feels good to express this

It’s not everyday this happens

A special someone who gives you bliss

We begin to ask questions

When reason alone cannot solve

But it’s matters of the heart

That must be resolved

We question our motives

Why our feelings run so deep

Allowing ourselves to open up

Sometimes it’s best to take that leap

I’d rather not lock down my emotions

Protect my ego and it’s trappings

Live my life as I really am

In all of my happenings

Better to be honest

Present the true self you wish to be

We attract what we project

At least that’s what I see

You might think it’s not worth it

Controlling your heart by keeping it still

The consequences of such action

Are imposed upon us by our will

You will never achieve any happiness

This resolution imprisons the Soul

I’d rather meet my world freely

Not surrender my ego to control

I’d rather risk sharing my true feelings

Than never to have let you know

This would be more tragic

To conceal with a fear to show

I don’t fear the stigma of rejection

I don’t just throw my feelings about

I am secure and hold myself accountable

Despite how things might turn out

DCG

WikiPsalm #Thirteen


There are times when we wake

From a trance like sleep

Giving in to an inner voice

Making promises we can’t keep

It is precisely in this time

We should vindicate our aspiration

Acknowledging a conflict building

Within this mindful vexation

Become clear about what is important

Clarify this in your deeds

Do not let unworthy influence

Give council that often misleads

WikiPsalm #Thirteen

DCG

The Camouflage of Ego



The stories in my life

We reminisce driving down memory lane

The house we grew up in

Sometimes causes me bane

King of the neighborhood

I command all that I survey

Once smoked pot at that guys house

Once had a girl in that one and got laid

We measure looking backwards on how we might have been

Nostalgia distorts reality

Think you have a perfect memory

Bet some friends will disagree

Funny how we paint

With broad strokes on our canvass

Memories that are more forgiving

Selecting ones that take fewer chances

So we continue to repeat

This remembrance now faded

Pointing to the parts

That we’ve embellished and paraded

This process we use

On how we express

Accurate or not

It’s not really what we’ve done, but rather how we confess

Master and commander

Our pride on sentry

Telling our tales

In line with our gentry

Talk it up kids

Tell us of those deeds

The camouflage of ego

Will rarely ever concede

DCG

On Individuality


What value do we place on individuality?

Why is just being yourself so difficult?   Being comfortable in your own skin meeting the world as it meets us will often place us in situations that test our resolve.  When we persuade ourselves to be something we are not, when we try to convince ourselves to do something we should not in reaction to some event that confronts us simply because we are doubting our true identity, we risk losing our inner sense of perspective and betray our true selves.  It is hard to predict the outcomes, but I think we may little by little lose ourselves to conformity.  For a nonconformist, conformity is the slowest form of suicide.

Is social pressure greater to our sense of belonging that we must struggle to subdue our own individuality?  In art and music, individuality is highly praised, even though many artists are inspired by others before them, they create something anew from something that has gone before, putting their own fingerprint on it somehow, someway.  I believe there is a strong correlation between self confidence and individuality.

Perhaps we just have not found ourselves, know how we fit into a situation and we therefore try on different persona’s to see how they fare?  We may not have a strong sense of self and adopt others styles, attitudes, or opinions for convenience so that we can be a part of something.  We try on these persona’s like they are clothing, interchanging our identities as if they are fashion items, and discarding them when they go out of style.  Wanting to fit in is a very strong motivator when we want to be a part of something and often leads us to behave in like manner in our social gatherings.  Surprisingly we will also follow in kind with our logic and ethical thought.

Being human, and testing out new perspectives on ourselves can have healthy outcomes.  It is when we force ourselves to adopt principles that we may not fully understand or endorse that alienate us from our true selves, or our moral selves that may cause us to have doubt during this time, yet we continue to behave in ways that we are not completely aligned with.   The cognitive dissonance may eventually change us if this occurs as we may possibly be forced to alter our opinion, or alter our behavior to once again align for there to be intellectual and behavioral cohesion.

The problem for many is that they do not think about the consequences of their behaviors or thoughts, they have not given their position a full understanding, and are often lost to the potential pitfalls of reasoning or behaving.  The lifestyle choice they have adopted may bring them elements that are not bargained for in their initial reckoning of it.  This is of course what every human experiences on some level since we are not perfect beings, we fail, make mistakes in our judgements, and therefore modify our thinking or behavior after we test it out in the world.  The notion of applying our common sense, and pragmatically living by learning from our mistakes is a common denominator that is experienced worldwide and has graced the teachings of Confucius, Buddha, American Pragmatism, and other thinkers though-out the ages.

When learning something new, one should worry about being unable to reach it.  When one has learnt something, one should worry about forgetting it. 

Confucius

It is complementary to adopt another persons influence on us when we demonstrate the impact they have on us.  We model their behavior by doing what they have done.  We see the world through another perspective, but a line should be drawn when we blur the distinction so much that we lose ourselves in living another persons vision.  Blind impersonation is merely an imitation, to make it your own, one should adapt it to a vision that is personalized and reflects a view unique to you.  Making the decisions to adopt things learned in a social environment is normal and expected.  To make them work for you is up to you and your deployment of these pearls of wisdom.  What I found most interesting during the younger years of my journey was the expectations of others in my encounters.  The social interactions between strangers, and even friends often surprised me.  As I grew older and experienced more, these conventions of conduct became more and more familiar to me, allowing me to navigate with more certainty.

Differing opinion on how we see the world is the basis for our differing on how we should proceed in the maze of human conduct.  The point of singularity that changed me was when I adopted a corporate philosophy and core value system espoused to me by the company I worked for which my leadership did not wholly adopt with any sense of integrity, and therefore left me disillusioned thinking that they would follow the rules of conduct that they taught me.  The larger the group, the stickier the code of conduct may become.  The politics of being human has many inequitable outcomes for different people.

I can safely say that no matter what philosophy an entity adopts, following it is an entirely different question and much more important.  The adoption of ideas are only as good as the behaviors that demonstrate them, namely: behavior is more powerful than words.

So I say one should be themselves in this world as much as one can be.  The convergence of the pool of individuality is constantly blurred in the grand scheme of things and enters into a social construct of conformity.  But also is the unique perspectives of individuals that should be held in high esteem, for there is no learning without climbing upon others shoulders to see what could not be seen before.  The necessary progression of advancing is often helped by those around us.


Authenticity: All The World’s A Stage


mask

How much does your inner persona agree with your outer persona? Are you truly living as the person you present yourself to be to the world? Whether the mirror test makes you think of your opportunities for more cohesion with your inner and outer states, or if the accounts of your public persona develop your mind for further inquiry; there remains an awareness of certain parts of oneself that would rather be kept silent from other discerning examinations. In psychology the term cognitive dissonance is the feeling of discomfort when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognition’s: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel “disequilibrium”: frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc

The theory of cognitive dissonance in social psychology proposes that people have a motivational drive to cut dissonance by altering existing cognition’s, adding new ones to create a consistent belief system, or by reducing the importance of any one of the dissonant elements. It is the distressing mental state that people feel when they “find themselves doing things that don’t fit with what they know, or having opinions that do not fit with other opinions they hold.” A key assumption is that people want their expectations to meet reality, creating a sense of equilibrium. Likewise, another assumption is that a person will avoid situations or information sources that give rise to feelings of uneasiness, or dissonance.

Values such as Honesty, Compassion, Integrity, Forgiveness, Love, Knowledge, Discipline, Faith, and Leadership are in the foundations of many cultures around the world. These ideas are instilled within the pillars of education in many societies and have an impact on those exposed to these teachings. The beliefs we come to know are influenced by such teachings, yet we sometimes are not so good as to put them in practice. We often take these teachings for granted and the development of these social skills are not efficiently used or thought out. Thus, we fail to properly acquire the awareness that allows our behaviors to consistently follow the congruent ideals behind them.

Cohesion between the inner self and the outer persona often equivocate questions about what you know and what you don’t know about yourself. We sometimes wear many hats in our lives, but do they share the core of values we bring to the world? William Shakespeare wrote the play “As You Like It” in 1599 which included the following excerpt…

All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

Neil Peart’s lyrics in the Canadian Rock band RUSH borrowing from this theme wrote the song Limelight…

Living on a lighted stage approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel
In touch with some reality beyond the gilded cage
Cast in this unlikely role, ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers to keep oneself intact
Living in the limelight, the universal dream
For those who wish to see
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation, the underlying theme
Living in a fish eye lens, caught in the camera eye
I have no heart to lie
I can’t pretend a stranger is a long-awaited friend
All the world’s indeed a stage and we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another’s audience outside the gilded cage
Living in the limelight, the universal dream
For those who wish to see
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation, the underlying theme
Living in the limelight, the universal dream
For those who wish to see
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation, the underlying theme
The real relation, the underlying theme
For comparison the context in these cases may slightly differ and merely reflect partially related examples of the human condition outlined in this post. The guilded cage reference is an idiom that suggests If someone is in a gilded cage, they are trapped and have restricted or no freedom, but have very comfortable surroundings- many famous people live in luxury but cannot walk out of their house alone. I equate this idiom to the idea that we can also be lazy in our rendering of the person we wish to be, and the actual reality of who we are remains behind a shroud from others. For whatever reason one can surmise about why we act the way we do, they all lead to the same conclusions about our disconnection between the inner self and the outer self we put into practice everyday. The take-away from these references raises questions about our conscious self and if viewed as we are coming to terms with being in a material world and with encountering external forces and influences which are very different from itself; then authenticity is one way in which the self acts and changes in response to these pressures. While greater accountability may not cure-all the world’s ills, it does give a sturdy foundation on which you can build long-lasting solutions. Many examples of ethical doctrines come to mind that have circulated our planet having a huge impact on the followers of the “Ætérnitas témporum dominus”; or ageless masters.

So if we are aware of such self examinations and find some incongruities, how do we decide which particular secrets and personal episodes we would share with others? The questions just keep coming! Are there indiscretions we have never shared that one should openly talk about? Are there subjects that we should discuss with others in our social networks to truly be an authentic person, or are there some subjects we should never talk about? Who will be effected knowing the skeleton’s that are buried deep within our closets? Who will we trust to keep our personal information in perspective without being unjustly judged from past volition’s? How does not being forthright complicate our dealings with our relationships, our associations, and or families? Does subduing this information affect the way we conduct ourselves in everyday life? Are we judgmental of others, and sensitive to those who may tread closely to these concealed experiences that we deny others of fully understanding?

A central proposition of existentialism is that “existence precedes essence”, which means that the most important consideration for the person is that he or she is an individual—an independently acting and responsible conscious being (“existence”)—rather than what labels, roles, stereotypes, definitions, or other preconceived categories the individual fits (“essence”). The real life of the individual is what is what could be called his or her “true essence” instead of there being an arbitrarily attributed essence used by others to define him or her. Thus, human beings, through their own consciousness, create their own values and determine a meaning to their life. Although it was Jean-Paul Sartre who explicitly coined the phrase, similar notions can be found in the thought of existentialist philosophers such as Søren Kierkegaard and Martin Heidegger. The presupposition some make is that we have the capability to connect with our divergent selves as well as recognize that we can suppress, disregard, obfuscate, and be apathetic to the discoveries we find within our inquiries when we scrutinize ourselves.

I for one think that simplifying our lives can lead to some steps in the right direction. We can only control what we can control. The power to transform ourselves into the ideal of who want to be and who we actually are is a respectable notion depending on what that ideal is. My thought is that we as a culture overwhelmingly pay little attention to syncing our internal persona’s with our external behaviors in many instances of our lives. Maybe I am just deluded into thinking that such an idea is true for the majority of us due to the chaos we seem to invoke upon one another that exists all around the world. Whether this comes down to a “Zero-Sum Game” in the process of extending our true selves for others to see, or whether we should respectfully omit certain truths about ourselves from the others around us and not completely “come clean” with our dirty laundry is ultimately up that person. I respectfully submit to the reader that in many of these cases, honesty is the best policy, but the collateral damage that can be incurred is something to consider before the decision to align one’s selves (inner and outer) is effectuated. There are many tangents not covered in this post such as confabulations, attributes of the sub-conscious, issues of self-awareness, and mental disabilities, that will obviously augment the analysis and depth one can take this topic.

May Sarton

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”
May Sarton
Margery Williams

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.’Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

C.G. Jung

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
C.G. Jung
Mollie Marti

“Our power lies in our small daily choices, one after another, to create eternal ripples of a life well lived.”
Mollie Marti
“Sincerity is the fulfillment
of our own nature,
and to arrive at it we need
only follow our own true Self.
Sincerity is the beginning
and end of existence;
without it, nothing can endure.
Therefore the mature person
values sincerity above all things.”
― Tzu-ssu

Ryokan

“Keep your heart clear
And transparent,
And you will
Never be bound.
A single disturbed thought
Creates ten thousand distractions.”
Ryokan