There are many examples in one’s life to draw upon when reflecting on the events which can lead one to re-evaluate the effectiveness of their life. This is especially true when one considers the relations between family members or other significant relationships that would have an influence on their assessment. I have often been told that I “Think too much”, or that I “Care too much”, either because I question the events that happen in my life and I want to be aligned with the truth, or that I have been scarred from nefarious ethical encounters that have left an impression on me thus I make an extra effort not to be presumptuous. I believe the criticism for spending too much time on trying to solve the moral issue has been raised and I attribute much of this to my conscientious nature. If I over-analyzed the situation, then I believe it is due to the fact that I failed to benefit from what was modeled to me when I was younger or the behavior modeled did not meet conditions I felt comfortable with. I questioned everything internally as I was ambivalent to my examples that were modeled to me in my youth.
At times it is a misfortune to follow your conscience which can indeed make things seem much more grievous than they actually are if you do not go ahead with an accurate perspective upon reflection. When I look around and see others who seem not to have the same difficulties I seem to endure, I often look deeper within myself, and I also look around me to find the answers that gnaw at the very essence of my soul.
Why do I suffer, whereas others do not?
Those that do not share any sort of sound moral code I’m aware of, or those with an ethical guideline that does not exclude them from benefiting from their social transactions seems to be a rare breed and is clearly identifiable but is not really the focus of this post. The evidence of a world swept-up in an ego-centrism observed in human history through-out the millennium is not a difficult argument to make.
Nowadays one only needs to look towards the newly drafted legislation’s, the countless governing bodies to find ample cases of corruption and vice. Egregious examples of human behavior is found on all levels of society, and seems a prominent force in the world. Faulty reasoning, self-deception, denial, self-centered ego-based grasp of reality all lead to conclusions that distort the perspectives of people and lead to ethical problems that are found in everyday life. The reason for establishing laws are to govern those that cannot govern themselves when situations occur. Unfortunately this form of rule also has its challenges due to the fallibility of human beings. The foundation for a social collapse imminent in many countries around the world as can be evidenced by the Coup D’état ruling factions that have taken control.
On the personal level, the same principles still apply even though one may want to fight for liberty if the state is the oppressor, and one may liberate themselves with a different method in contrast to the matters of the heart. No matter how much you can be hurt by the actions of others, no matter how personal you internalize the pain, and suffering from the result of others behavior, the final analysis depends greatly on our ability to accept responsibility for our behavior, and ultimately our forgiveness of them and ourselves.
The exoneration of the self is a very hard thing to do when we face resistance. There can be much pain and suffering experienced unless we move out from that attachment which bonds us to our thinking, and our feelings when confronting the moral questions about our relationships despite whatever erroneous arguments we meet. This is especially true when the judgements of other family members are involved. The acceptance of truth is fundamental key to resolving any angst we attach to our dealings with others but in does not always diminish the emotional pain experienced. When it seems that the world is not favorable to the view we hold about the events that have taken place, we are disheartened and with diminished strength we become susceptible to losing our perspectives due to the opposing antagonism we face. We become disenchanted and will often doubt our original findings if we subscribe to the conflicting view. If even the conflicting view has no basis in reality, but they are continually insistent, they can often beat you down through their ignorance and manipulations that wear out your tolerances.
However one feels, granted the truth is very important, but it will never always be mutually shared by all members in a misunderstanding. That is why the principle of forgiveness is important to use as a vehicle to move forward in a situation despite the mutual reckoning of a situation. I cannot state how many times I have struggled with this obstacle in my dealings with opposing views due to the self-imposed interests of the self-centered. Since the search for truth has been valued in my belief system, no matter where that may lead, I have struggled in my contentious accounts of battling a faulty reasoning process, deception, and an ethos that only seeks to be self-serving because of an infection of moral certitude that diminishes any opposing viewpoint. This arrogance may seem to have the advantage by manipulation in the using half-truths when stating their case in an adversarial argument, but I am disillusioned since the truth is not an important reason for them, it is indeed of no consequence to them.
But the consequences of such behavior are much more profound to those who are thoughtful.
It has been stated that I am someone who tends to “wallow” in the predicament I happen to be in. That observation may be true, but the term wallow is just another word for self-pity. I’m not certain if those terms apply to me, but they indeed may be true. In my experience, there is clearly a right and wrong behavior for the moral situations we encounter during most of the conflicts in our lives. We do not always expect these events when they come up, but we also recognize that some people will not conform to a reasonable moral decision that reduces the tension between parties that are not in agreement. When this happens, there are many scenarios that describe chaotic possible outcomes. It is precisely these outcomes that have an effect on people and their lives, especially if there is little or no control over these events when they happen. The example that has led me to a very profoundly disturbing discovery is when it involves our own families; and the dictates of a capricious legal system that can lead to an utterly ineffectual and incompetent conclusion with a massive bias.
When someone like me thinks about these situations, I tend to try to contemplate errors made and reduce them, as this may seem like “wallowing” in them, it is not my intent. I try to understand them, and experiment with possible actions to take, to cut the disagreements, and yes that sometimes means talking about them and getting feedback from other sources. Unfortunately I have been in some very challenging situations that have given me absolutely no representation of my rights, absolutely no validation of my experience, or has given me any legal action to counter these misdeeds, largely due to the poorly drawn documentation from the attorneys. So if that means I have participated in the profound disappointment of a system that was supposed to serve what is best for the child, which continues to ignore a fathers right to see their own children, that continues to ignore the parental alienation that has been ongoing, and that has led to the deterioration of a relationship that was one of the most important in my life, then yes I openly admit my contempt for decisions rendered by a governing body that’s aim is a claim to protect the child.
At one time I was very close, but now, over the course of many traumatic years, the de-sensitivity and manipulation of truth, has taken center stage in the upbringing of the child’s life. When you lose any influence upon your child you question many things in your life that most people take for granted.
I wonder are grieving and self-pity related to the same attribute in the emotion, or that if you denounce those who suffer that have no recourse of action to take, just how easy is it to dispense such knowledge to them? Does one qualify to be a candidate of self-pity when one speaks about the unjust decisions, or the problematic outcomes a mockery of the legal system about family court, or are you possibly just fighting a battle with opposing resistance? The perpetuation of a system that allows one parent to literally decimate the financial control over the other parent, dominate control on all other levels even when joint legal and custodial grants have been made to both parties, yet inequity is still a very harsh reality to swallow to many who suffer over these events. I think that it might be worse to not fight, and except opposing forces, since capitulation to moral misconduct is the greater evil, than the one who is astounded by the behavior of others and suffers over the profoundly obtuse behaviors done in spite and ignorance to others who cannot change those decisions.
Self-pity is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor competence to cope with it. It is characterized by a person’s belief that he or she is the victim of unfortunate circumstances or events and so deserving of condolence. Self-pity is generally regarded as a negative emotion in that it does not generally help deal with adverse situations. However, in a social context, it may result in either the offering of sympathy or advice. Self-pity may be considered normal, and in certain circumstances healthy, so long as it is transitory and leads to either acceptance or a determination to change the situation.
In my studies I have read and found that most of these definitions deal with the obvious excessive cases of perceptions that one is “victimized”, and therefore leads to the attraction of possibly more negative emotion. I do see the logic in this and recognize its presence. I also see a lot of advise given about this observation in human behavior, but wonder if the “advise givers” have ever experienced some of the unknown drama’s that can affect one’s life on an adverse level over consecutive years, with little or no power to do anything about it? What may be “learned helplessness” in many cases in the abuse of people is a powerful case to make for those that have had no control to change their circumstances, or their perceived circumstances.
Learned helplessness is the condition of a human or animal that has learned to behave helplessly, failing to respond even though there are opportunities for it to help itself by avoiding unpleasant circumstances or by gaining positive rewards. Learned helplessness theory is the view that clinical depression and related mental illnesses may result from a perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation. Organisms that have been ineffective and less sensitive in determining the consequences of their behavior are defined as having acquired Learned Helplessness.
Much of what we learn is from our sub-conscious programming from our birth to the age of 6 years old as we experience the world. The limiting programs as we received as children are largely due to the ways our minds are wired and hence the lower theta brain frequencies are dominant until about the age of 6. They are responsible for our acquisition of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors from recording everything we see, hear, feel, and touch due to the wiring of our brain functioning. Dr. Bruce Lipton doing research in Epigenetic Control : Science of Spirituality has influenced my thinking of late from his experiments that directly correlates to this post.
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“Life, I fancy, would very often be insupportable, but for the luxury of self-compassion.”
― George R. Gissing
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“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.”― John F. Kennedy
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“The truth is not for all men but only for those who seek it.”
― Ayn Rand
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“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
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