Childhood Emotional Wounds

Anxious attachment

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Anxious attachment

Can be very troubling indeed

Stuck in resolving old childhood wounds you’re caught in a vicious cycle of seeking approval

Just where will this lead?

You will not always be triggered

Much depends on where in the spectrum you lie

It’s hard to quantify the measure

It’s rather an internal feeling that you must rely

To be clear anxious attachment is not obsessive

At a very early age it is wired into the brain

When you learn to self regulate with maladaptive behaviors

You look only to soothe the pain

You are not likely to discover your attachment style

Unless you look deeply within

I would have never found out until I met a dismissive avoidant

This powerful attraction made me question myself… Where shall I start, where shall I begin?

When I think of this emotional tragic fact of life

I am somehow reminded of the U2 song mothers of the disappeared

Another kind of torture

One that is much more clear

What is extraordinary

Is our ability to adapt and heal

We are not destined to fall down and give up

we will always have choices even after we kneel

RSP

…

DCG

Then you may not be blind

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Mothers and daughters

Sons and fathers

What will be the gain?

If you mistreat, neglect or discard

When they leave the house, they will be bonded to pain

Have you studied child development?

If you have, then, I think you must know

There is no class for parenting

We learn from how we were raised according to the latest poll

So now begins the cycle

Sadly, the forsaken may reach a point of no return

But despite the smite of this circumstance

There is opportunity to learn

Most people don’t know

The subconscious pain below the surface

When they get triggered

They call out the clowns from the circus

Lightning in a bottle

Is meant to say it’s rare

But the imagination we experience

Is not likely to be shared

Why is it “a penny for your thoughts”

When you have to put your “ two cents in”?

Where does that extra penny go?

Is this the tax on our sin?

Intelligence examines thought

Wisdom understands thought and feelings as intertwined

One from the other is not completely independent

If you consider this statement true

Then you may not be blind

…

DCG

Am I allowed to express what I feel?

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I wear an emotional straight jacket

I created on my own

Formed in my childhood

That I learned in my home

My parents were emotionally impoverished

Not really knowing how to emotionally provide

Not knowing how to love

They both suffered inside

Trauma based genealogies

Go back generations in time

However, we break this cycle

We must be patient

We must be kind

When the human spirit is weak

We may be blind

When the human spirit is strong

A path to discovery, we may find

The human bonding hormone is  oxytocin

If we experience trauma, and there is disruption

We must self regulate

if and when you learn your attachment style

Then maybe you will be able to vindicate

If you try to fill an emotional void

That your own mind will create

You may find an endless loop

That will continue to frustrate

Why is it we always seek connection

To undo a never ending hurt?

If aware, we know this won’t work

But we still continue to flirt

So the question now becomes

Just how do I heal?

How do I make things right?

Am I allowed to express what I feel?

RSP

…

DCG

Inner demons may preside 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Skeletons in the closet

Inner demons may preside

When you become aware

There is nowhere to hide

Once seen, it cannot be unseen

Is this my wake up call

Pride is obstinate

Even after the fall

How we process our information

Our subconscious works with us and against us

It is not always a conscious thought 

Because, because, because because

Not all decisions

Have a firm grasp of reality

We may fabricate our perceptions

To ease an inner pain and it’s gravity

The course of our lives

Can be changed and altered

From events of our past

That often resurface when we falter

The beauty of our sunrise

It resets the day

Another chance to make amends

Another chance to proceed in another way

…

DCG

Why are we so confused?

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I know I have

Some deep childhood wounds

I’ve matured and overcome

But still hide some in an emotional cocoon

It was never so clear

Until I met a kindred spirit

A trauma bond attachment

Anxious versus avoidant is common, painful, powerful, that would mirror it

First I majored in psychology

Studied Leo Buscaglia and Dr. Wayne Dyer

Then I double majored in philosophy

Eventually, I discarded all the rubbish on the pyre

What I’ve learned was not from therapy or counseling 

I’ve learned from my relationships on my own

Thanks to careful observations

For which I am prone

I’m reminded by two individuals

One from philosophy, and one from psychology

The Buddha equates attachment to suffering

BF Skinner’s operant conditioning demonstrates an emotional neurology

A rat in a cage pushes a lever to get the reward of food

What emotional lever do we push for love and affection?

Why are we so confused?

When we cannot understand, what is love or what is rejection?

RSP

…

DCG

I self sabotage

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When I have guilt

When I have shame

I self sabotage

That’s who I blame

I don’t feel worthy

I don’t feel sane

I self sabotage

That’s where I put my blame

Guilt is from choices I’ve made

Shame is from identifying with inadequacy

My father used to put me down

He put me down so masterfully

Abandonment issues

Little self-esteem

The child inside me

Has a diminishing dream

You see I’ve had difficulty in relationships

I had a difficult childhood

And with my low self-esteem

My cognitive dissonance stood

RSP

…

DCG

Old wounds can heal

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We learn from experience

We learn from dreams

We learn from others

Sometimes these lessons are not what they seem

Forged with reason and emotion

This imprint attaches to our soul

Sometimes they change with the times

Sometimes they’re put out on parole

Attachment to anything

Either pleasure or pain

May not serve us after the fact

And may just be in vain

Memories can last a lifetime

Our ability to deal with them will change

Old wounds can heal

As this is not really that strange

…

DCG



We accept the love we think we deserve

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes we must wrestle with ourselves

Sometimes we must wrestle with God

Sometimes it comes naturally

Sometimes we must poke and prod

In self-sabotage

We resign

Closing The doors of opportunity

We may otherwise possibly find

There Is drama in our relationships

There Is heartache and there is pain

With too much repetition

Resolution Is In vain

Learned helplessness

A very real thing

If beholden to this cycle

No happiness we can bring

You can build a wall around you

Numb your senses from the pain

Push away any future entanglements

You think maybe this will keep you sane

The breakthrough will come

When our most inner needs are met

There may be some risk

There may be some regret

The gift of forgiveness

We allow our soul to heal

Patience and courage are required

To allow ourselves to truly feel

We except the love

We think we deserve

Trust is king

I n the world we observe

The power of love and friendship

Those who care will easily see

The struggle that goes on inside you

From the person you secretly yearn to be

RSP

…

DCG

Why do you dismiss what you don’t understand?

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The way you approach the world

It’s clear you have no respect

What you fail to investigate

Promulgates the ignorance on why you reject

A view through the lens of Marxist ideology

A world of chaos is what you see

In the arrogance of political dogma

You egregiously make your pleas

What is most disconcerting

You imitate what you hate

Though you do not recognize this

The irony of your fate

So much easier to lecture others

Adopting the indoctrination you accept as true

So little did you think about the implications

The reality that you live in and view

“If I were a tiger

I’d bite peoples’ heads off”

You told me this as a child

But now you just scoff

So easy to jump to conclusions

Faulty logic is close at hand

For someone who holds themself in high regard

I hold this behavior in remand

Why do you dismiss

What you don’t understand?

Chalk it up to your influences

Utopian as wonderland

…

DCG