Childhood Emotional Wounds

You won’t know until the silence hit you

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

The quickest path of victimhood

Is through the expression of passive-aggressive, dismissive-avoidant denial

The gauntlet is thrown in defeat

The indignation and sentence are exposed pre-trial

At attachment theory, dismissive-avoidant and anxiously attached

Both have triggers

Both have a 22 catch

You won’t know until the silence hits you

You have to experience it before you can see

 we have to prevent what triggers us

To face what is truly reality 

If you pull back far enough, the problem within you is evident but you are afraid to see

Your emotional paralysis is not mature

Your perpetual stagnation

Is all you endure

A self fulfilling prophecy

Meets a self sabotaging force

You’re not able to navigate

If you can’t chart a course

Take a snapshot

What do we know?

Severe emotional neglect

Stunted feelings, you never allow to grow

How do you deal if you don’t know how to heal?

What is wild?

You are part woman

No, you are part child

Survivors of emotional trauma

And childhood neglect

May Bond together

Attached to the trauma they connect

The perks of being a wallflower

When you see it, it hits a nerve

“Sometimes we accept the love

We think we deserve”

RSP

…

DCG

When your confidence is shrouded by insecurity 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

The wounds never heal

If you deny any chance to grow

When you bottle up the emotional pain

it is your shame that prevents you to show

Caught in a vicious cycle

The unexplored subconscious reigns

Never looking at your reflection 

Never understanding your pain

Never learning how to process emotional trauma

You willingly suppress and avoid feelings That keep you in chains

You battle this inner enemy

A victim you become by your own claim

Unresolved childhood trauma

Not knowing where to turn

Perpetually questioning your internal compass

If you don’t trust yourself, you won’t be able to learn

When your confidence is shrouded by insecurity

The dismissive  avoidant, prolongs their suffering and pain

Little chance for success

When it is all done in vain

There is hope for a chance of recovery

Take my hand I will be your guide

You can find resolution

But you must first expose what you so often hide

RSP

…

DCG

Only one solution exists 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I grew up with a father who was a narcissist

He also had an inferiority complex and was insecure

My sensitivity to these behaviors have echoed throughout my life

Even to this day, I am still sure

With poetic self reflection

I unravel this entangled ball 

I reveal more connections

All before and after the fall

If you suffered from severe emotional neglect in childhood

You will never forget if untreated

You will become anxiously attached with a trauma bond 

And voraciously seek approval until your soul is depleted

Trauma is generational

It can be a past on maladaptive disease

Disruptively impacting the lives of the forsaken

It will do with you what it will please

Ironically, loving the unlovable

Only one solution exists

That is forgiveness

That you cannot deny or resist

…

DCG

Heal with me RP

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Been up and down, been flipped around

a life filled with loss

And I’m damaged goods it’s understood

With my luck, it’s up to a coin toss

Right side up

Or upside down

I met you at the right moment

And it was you that I found

I will never forget- When I took notice

As you came up and spoke with me

How could I have ever known?

You would be the one to make me see

I lived with being broken

For all of these years

Sometimes it takes a lifetime

To mend a heart as you shed the tears

I know I have a responsibility

My purpose is to heal

You have awakened me inside

And now again, I can truly feel

You can release the Kraken

I will still be all in

Understanding the reasons for our suffering

And where it all begins

Heal with me RP

I know at first, it might be strange

I think maybe we both

Could use a change

A change in how we see the world

And some of the people in our lives

Who said painful words

That cut into us like knives

I’m one that can appreciate

All you have to bring

The goodness you radiate

Makes my heart sing

Because of this bond

My heart is in tune

It resonates with yours

It beats even harder with you under the full moon

There is something very special

An opportunity to mend a soul

One hurt in the past

A part of which someone stole

Let the next words of this poem

Be written as we spend time together

May we heal each other?

Birds of a feather ….

RSP

…

DCG

I’m drowning in between 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I’m drowning in between

My two extremes

A Pounding blood filled heart

Against my fantasy dream

When I see you

My heart skips a beat

You take my breath away

How much more can I take if I can’t stand the heat?

I know we had an agreement

I will always be a friend

But what this heart feels

Makes it hard for me to pretend 

The attraction is overwhelming

But the reality is that fear keeps us away

Caught in between an emotional time bomb

When will we escape that day?

The most agonizing part of this dilemma

I think we both feel the same way

But our opposite trigger reactions

Which tells you to flee and compels me to stay

We lived in the same neighborhood

Worked and shopped in the same store

Proximity and destiny brought us near

But the primary cause was the relationship we had with our fathers from before

Welcome to my world

I have to push my feelings down

The Beatles “hide your love away“

“Gather around all you clowns – let me hear you say“

RSP

…

DCG

SONG

You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away

Release date: 06 August 1965

Here I stand, head in hand,
turn my face to the wall.
If she’s gone, I can’t go on,
feeling two foot small.

Ev’rywhere people stare,
each and ev’ryday.
I can see them laugh at me,
and I hear them say:

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.
Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

How can I even try?
I can never win.
Hearing them, seeing them,
In the state I’m in.

How could she say to me
Love will find a way?
Gather ’round all you clowns,
Let me hear you say:

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.
Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

Which will be my finality? 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

You can bury your emotions and feelings

Way way down and deep

But you can’t forget them

If attached to a painful memory that you no longer want to keep

You learn from childhood that You must suppress your feelings

You tell me “they are something you just don’t do“

At the same time, you wipe the tears away and say

Shoo fly shoo

We both fear abandonment

You dismissively avoid and I anxiously attach

A magnetic connection

Prone to an abrupt dispatch

No, I won’t talk

I’ll just listen

Write another poem

About what we’re missin’

The hardest thing I’ve ever done

Caught between two realities

With or without you

Which will be my finality?

RSP

…

DCG

Already Gone

Song by Kelly Clarkson ‧ 2009

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn’t want us to burn out
I didn’t come here to hurt you now
I can’t stop

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you’ll find another
That doesn’t always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

I’m already gone
Already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So I’m already gone

Already gone
Already gone
Ooh, oh
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

I’m already gone
Already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So I’m already gone

One built for me and you

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

The closer I get to you

The farther I drift away

When you suppress your feelings

It makes it so hard for me to stay 

“The closer you get to the fire

The more you get burned

But that won’t happen to us

Cause it’s always been a matter of trust”

When you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with

You want to start the rest of your life ASAP

But this can only be true

If you can see the we 

The choice is yours

The choice is mine

How it works out

Is known only by the divine

I’ll work on myself

Try to end this cycle of pain

See the attachment for what it is

Hoping it is not all in vain

I know you are aware

I know you sense the same

These demons that we share

Makes it hard to hide our shame

I don’t give up easily

I believe the possibility is true

There is a chance for happiness

One built for me and you

RSP

…

DCG



However, it turns out 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

My heart is committed

As are my soul and my mind

Where this path leads

Only God knows I pray I will find

I ask for God to work through me

Where God is the hand and I am the glove

Without him, I am motionless

But with him, I am filled with direction and love

Indeed, we are created in his image and likeness

His presence within our body and soul

The recommended relationship to have

If you want to fill the empty hole

You might think me crazy RP

You might continue to build a wall

I’ll stand by you if you need me

I’ll support you if you fall

I ask out of selfless passion

To inspire and uplift you to heal

I can do this if you allow me

Can we make a deal?

You’ve often told me you don’t know how to complete me

I say you already have as my reply

Sometimes we don’t see

What’s behind the other person‘s eyes?

The intensity deep inside me

This connection that we share

A trick of my nervous system?

Or do we really care?

Weather, we sacrifice or sabotage

Are we willing to take a stand?

However, it turns out

I’ll always extend my hand

RSP

…

DCG

My nervous system has been hijacked 

~ DC ~ 1 Comment

The most impactful relationships we will ever have

Will come from our own parental family

The nurturing from our childhoods

 Will influence our prosperity 

My nervous system has been hijacked

I am humbled by my captive trauma prisoner -my subconscious mind

Why is it so easy to notice?

But yet it’s still so hard to find?

Emotional abuse can be haunting

But we do not have to become attached to the past

We can learn new paths of direction

We can form good new memories that will last 

The limbic system is compromised

The neocortex and it’s six layers and five lobes complicate

And if you bring up the non-physical consciousness

That’s even harder to debate 

Hence, the problem of overthinking

A byproduct of curiosity

Part of being human

And a high probability

The mind/body problem of philosophy

Descartes’ Cogito Ergo Sum

Wittgenstein’s language games

Makes the debate still loom

Despite the scientific reasons

Despite the great analytic minds

We must still find our way to heal

Whether it is from ourselves or from the divine

RSP

…

DCG



Because this is my heart‘s echo 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

When you are in my heart

I do not feel so empty or deficient

When you are in my thoughts

I feel my purpose knowing you are self sufficient 

We have both experienced a similar childhood  neglect

And because of this, I formed with you a bond

We have never really spoken much about it

I think I know just how you will respond

I see you as a mirror to my own inner reflection

I know I must do the work and look within

I have an opportunity to become a better man

I take a moment of silence, I pray, and then I begin

You have opened up a side of me

I never really knew The remains

Of such a deeply hurt little boy

Needing to heal and make a change

Prior to knowing you

I’ve always intellectualized my pain

I never really made the emotional connection

Of just how lost I became

You have touched me very deeply

You’ve broken through the barriers that I present

It was you who awakened me from my emotional dream

Of which there is no more time that needs to be spent

I consider you a blessing

There is something I want you to know 

Maybe we crossed paths for a reason?

Because this is my heart‘s echo 

RSP

…

DCG