What is the toll when for those we love, we fail to pay full attention to the subtle qualities of their life? We are sometimes caught up in our own lives so much so that we are often not “there” for others around us. Our focus is primarily on how we fit into the world. It is our issues, our needs, our wants, and other ego related concerns which take precedence over the interests of another person’s. And what about those we love? At what result do the people we love get overlooked when we do not truly listen to them and take all of them into account? What do you pay attention to when your family members or other close friends speak out about their affairs? We may just brush them off because we think we know them well enough, and since we have already figured them out, we pay little observance to them.
One result may be the dilution of the relationship in that it greatly diminishes the authenticity. We drift apart and this could happen to the relationships within our families. We end up not validating others because we are not “present” with them in their accounts with us. Our diversions take us away from being “present” when we are with them. Presence in mind or mindfulness about them is such a crucial skill we do not often employ.
We all want to be understood, we all want to be acknowledged, we all want to be remembered and some people want many admirers. In terms about our emotional connections with other people, I think that it is more important to be loved deeply than to be loved widely. This irrefutable fact is more than what most of us get! You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you.
I have struggled greatly with the relationships growing up as a boy with my family. I often internalized the behaviors I observed and thought much on the subject for many years. It is precisely why I feel deeply about such matters, because of the impact it had on my life, how I grew up, and to what extent it shaped my values and sensitivities at a very early age. I had little validation and acknowledgement because I was the child that did not give my family any reason to fuss over. I learned very early to self-soothe myself since I had little connection to the rest of my family.
I think that because of my awareness, I have seen the full spectrum of the emotional pendulum. The examples of extreme detachment and extreme empathetic people are self defining. I vowed to study and understand these phenomena so that I may never repeat the unfortunate examples that I experienced in my life. That I would live my life in accordance with the values I recognized to be essential for “connecting” to other people. Authenticity was a central theme for me through-out my progress. In the course of my discovery, I gave of myself as I would like to receive. In that odyssey and experience with others, I felt some of them on some very profound levels that I don’t think they even identified. It taught me much about the human heart and the entanglements we can find ourselves in.
I must admit that I still value those moments I’ve shared with people because I have confirmed and substantiated my beliefs. I have certified that I have loved deeply without misplacing myself into the equation. I have never forgotten those moments when I was presently minded and without my ego to muck things up as I listened to another person’s heart open up to me. It is why we as people can connect at great depth to others because of the power it provides us with.
We take exams about our reading essays and when graded they measure our reading comprehension. Educators do this on all grade levels from elementary schools to University level students. I ask why we do not call out for more training in human communications and ask for listening comprehension between people? Think of the skills learned and the lessons learned that could greatly impact the communities at large when empowered with such training. Sadly we do not invest in such matters, and many do not comprehend themselves let alone others.
When you open yourself up to other people, do you expect them to listen to you with an authentic ear extended? What is the feeling you get when you share an emotive pairing of the minds and become one with others? Not that you agree with what they say necessarily, but rather that you completely understand what they have said, empathize and give of yourself to them while they speak without judgement and accept them for who they are in the moment.
The tragedy found in many people’s lives is the non-recognition of how important the art of listening is and what it means to others. If you have ever felt left out, if you have ever been ignored or not validated on how you feel or think, I can only say that there are people who will listen and are attentive even when the people you want the validation from are not there for you on this level. If you are mindful and aware of this dynamic, then maybe you will express yourself in a way that will touch another persons soul.
― Leo Buscaglia
― Jiddu Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
― Jiddu Krishnamurti, The Book of Life