suffering

No Meaningful Relationship that is True

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

You tell me to be more positive

But if you really listen to what I say

Even with my pain and suffering

My outlook is still pretty good at the end of the day

I know we are not close

A chasm of ambivalence I cannot hide

There is a distance between us

Because of this I cannot confide

It’s hard to open up

If you are not understood

And so I isolate

I did the best I could

The issue is not about loving

It’s more about the failure to connect

If you can’t care for yourself

Why should I expect you to protect?

Our family has not dealt with Alzheimer’s

But I can sympathize with those who do

This is what is most heartfelt

No meaningful relationship that is true

…

DCG

 

Without any Purpose

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Without any purpose

Without family, children, and a wife

Without God

There is no meaning in my life

There is no substitute

For these things that I say

J.P. Sartre, Soren Kierkegaard, and Albert Camus

All have yet to persuade me as I will not stray

The older I get

The more I see

To humble myself

Under the bodhi tree

A vessel must be empty

Before it can be filled

Broken down and beguiled

Now ready to rebuild

Solomon was a pragmatist

His wisdom was renowned

His rulings were just

His rulings would astound

This is not an existential rant

This is not a misplaced soliloquy

This is just a story

This is just my testimony

…

DCG

I Know I have to Heal

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I choose to be happy

But I have much work to do

I have a damaged soul

Just between me and you

Traumatized in my childhood

I eventually outgrew and overcame

But if you don’t resolve the issues

They tend to come back to visit again and again

Ironically I cannot turn to the family

Since their influence is part of my shame

I know I have to heal

And depose this pain that comes out of my blame

…

DCG

Wallow in the Mire

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Ask the right questions

Focus on the good

Knowing that you have been wronged

Won’t matter if this is understood

The best way forward

You must first find your stride

Following the affirmative

Let this be your guide

When you allow the cynical voices

To occupy your mind

You squelch any happiness

That you are willing if able to find

Wallow in the mire

Bespattered with wounded pith

If you remain there too long

A potential to overcome becomes myth

…

DCG

All Things Must Pass

~ DC ~ 1 Comment

It’s hard to rise in the morning

If you care not to wake from your bed

With no purpose or motivation

Stirring around in your head

Maybe a prayer or a call from a good friend

Will revive your resolution

Showing you it’s not as bad as you thought

Giving you a light of absolution

It’s possible to think too highly of ourselves

It’s also possible to think of the other extreme

How do we balance the equation?

How do we maintain a healthy routine?

Those who are conscientious

Those who are thoughtful

Just may be more likely

To observe and be watchful

When you place yourself under intense scrutiny

Sometimes you look to closely into your heart

Unable to forgive past misgivings

Not sure how to make a new start

Listen carefully

Allow for a heart to heal

All things must pass

It’s all about how you make the deal

…

DCG

It just might be for your sake

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

The most powerful resource in the human condition

Our need to belong, our need for connection

Not unlike the power of Love

Not unlike the power of rejection

In our isolation

We struggle to prevail

In our disconnection

We are more likely to fail

A healthy social construct

Must be available for all

Given the state of humanity

We are destined to occasionally fall

Bruce K Alexander

Studies with Rat Park

Showed me without a doubt

He was right on the mark

So why don’t we hear more about this?

What else will it take?

Make this apart of your life

It just might be for your sake

…

DCG

https://www.brucekalexander.com/articles-speeches/rat-park/148-addiction-the-view-from-rat-park

This Reality is Taboo

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

How long is the night?

When you are in despair

Suffocating without love

As you gasp for air

This may not be popular

This reality is taboo

How many have gone through it?

How many never review?

When parent wrestled a child

One that is their own

Sadistically chokes them in play

Calls them a pussy before leaving to answer the phone

The worst part of the story

A mother and brother watching, never lifted their hands

But there is no blame

For this memory that still stands

Fear is debilitating

For any reconciliation one must reach within

Forgive the sins against you

This is where you must begin

…

DCG

Asking questions that never fade

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Deeply troubled child

Asking questions that never fade

Never fully brought out into the light

The kind of suffering that remains in the shade

Some children don’t feel love

Less than their sibling with needs

Some parents don’t know how to show

Some parents never know how to lead

Unresolved issues

Channeling trauma from the past

Interwoven into the present

Never knowing the root of the tears that they cast

Sometimes the child

Will grow into the man

But the inner child remains

Often playing hide and seek or catch me if you can

The age of the body

Does not mirror the age of the mind

Some experiences we have as a child

We never leave behind

…

DCG

The Rational and the Emotional

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I’ve searched all of my life

To understand and rise above my pain

Studied Psychology and Philosophy

Seems like this pursuit is a never-ending campaign

I’ve made some progress though

I pray not to give up my hope

Some questions will never be answered

So I search for the best way to cope

A thinking persons disposition

May often find the vexation of their emotion

Difficult to separate from

The hurt which we attach to our devotion

The rational and the emotional

Are two very different creatures

Measures must be taken

So that either don’t become our keepers

To find a path

It is best to head down the middle

Much like the Buddha suggests

For us to solve this riddle

…

DCG

This is what I Advocate

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

My education was everything

It defined who I am

Three classes short of two degrees

My employer and girlfriend really didn’t give a damn

All I wanted growing up

Was love to nourish me

A family that could not respond

Co-dependent parents incapable of hearing my plea

So I wandered

But a childhood comes back to visit

Gets in your head and dreams

Haunting and inexplicit

Self-reliance a razors edge

Give up on just one person

Your own path

Is destined to worsen

Because of these things

I have stumbled along

But I never gave up

My spirit is humbled yet strong

Dust off the past

A new day awaits

Awaken the moxie

This is what I advocate

…

DCG