The Bewildered Youth


Where does a child’s spirit go when they close themselves off to family members and others who populate their world?  What is the cost of their development when they decide to shut out others or simply feel ignored and unloved?  They do not shut them out because of their own maladaptive behaviors, but because those in question are unavailable emotionally and they must decide to seek emotional sustenance elsewhere.

Many paths may lead someone to seek these missing human connections by either self-medication (drugs, alcohol), or by other means such as religious beliefs looking out and relying on faith to help them negotiate their pain.  Arguably a more perplexing attempt to reconcile this issue is the person who looks within themselves to find these answers.  I surmise the introvert who seeks answers to understand just how they fit in is probably more common than one would think.

The child is therefore forced to question the predicament they find themselves in.  What follows next is the determiner of their fate.  Do they educate themselves and look for these answers, or have they been already seeded with a resolution that may direct them into some meaningful way to express themselves and receive these feelings for the need of communion?

How many people walk the earth in a semi-present state of being that inadvertently affects others around them?  I think we all are guilty of being “out-of-touch”, “disassociated”, “distracted”, “stressed-out”, “inattentive”, or simply just “out of sync” with those around us!  The skills to overcome this dilemma are requisite in speech communication.  These questions might apply for the once-in-a-while occasional mishap between family members or the severe cases of families that continually deal with alienation through-out their childhood, their adolescence, and their adult lives within their relationships.

I remember when I dealt with these issues, one of the first early conclusions I adopted was the view that “we are ultimately alone” in the world.  Self-reliance was a fundamental coping strategy if you factor in this reasoning.  This may sound somewhat of an “existential philosophy”, and may truly be such a starting point for many of these philosophers, but as I reached further in my inquiry; it is not the last valuation I consider for the human condition we find ourselves in.  People with similar experiences do not always gravitate to this solution in our predicaments.

Despite the desolation, we are still agents in the world.  We are reactive beings that have the ability to make changes on how we view the world.  How we are a function of possibility is primarily due to our thinking and mental states that we use.  Being is important but how we test this being is clearly up to us.  There is no fixed attachment to the existential views that we are “thrown into the world” as J.P. Sartre would say.  Though in his statement our “condemnation to be free” is poignant, the basic premise still has a controversial starting point in his assertion from my point of view.

The bewildered youth of today have even more distractions than our past generations due to the detachments of how we communicate with one another (social media), entertainment activities that are arguably more self-directed (gaming, computers), regardless of our generational evolution in parental awareness of this matter.  The state of this bewilderment is not necessarily a condition that leads one into a deep abyss, it can also awaken a person to the depth of our human limitations.  Take such as the Buddhist axiom for a path to enlightenment in the Siddhartha Gautama story.

The Buddha too experimented with various unexplored avenues, before coming to the final spiritual realization.

He first tried asceticism.  Since he believed his disillusionment to stem from the cravings of his body, his first reaction was to negate it totally, even to the extent that he stopped eating.  Consequently, his bones stuck out like a row of spindles, and when he touched his stomach, he could almost feel his spine. His hair fell out and his skin became withered.  But all this was in vain. However severe his austerities, perhaps even because of them, the body still clamored for attention, and he was still plagued by lust and craving.  In fact, he seemed more conscious of himself than ever.  Finally, Buddha had to face that asceticism had failed to redeem him.  All he had achieved after this heroic assault upon his body was a prominent rib cage, and a dangerously weakened physique.

Nevertheless, Buddha was still optimistic.  He was certain that it was possible for human beings to reach the last liberation of enlightenment.  And at that very moment, when he seemed to have come to a dead-end, the beginning of a new solution declared itself to him.  He realized that instead of torturing our reluctant selves into the last release, we might be able to meet it effortlessly and spontaneously.

We are essentially dependent on “how” our thinking depicts the world we navigate.  We do have the ability to change and augment the way we view the world and ourselves.  The universe is also inclusive of those around us whether they be distracted, attached or not.  This statement may be self-evident and factual, but many do not interpret with the same analysis in our dealings with one another.  If such as we have a person that has a very troubling childhood, little communication, and an underdeveloped emotional and physical relationship to their family, one can draw the proper conclusions that may ensue.  Feelings of abandonment, detachment, hopelessness, and an intense feeling of being alone just might exist for them.

There may be people you know that suffer from some form of detachment.  They pull themselves away from contact as a defense mechanism to protect their feeling states and cognitive dissonant states.  It might be a friend of your children’s or even a friend of yours.  Many navigate the world without ever reaching any peace with the way they see the world, especially if they live by this depressive state of being.

The impoverished minds of this world may be inspired to overcome this impoverishment, or they may be destitute and wither away right before our eyes…..so we must pay attention because it may be someone you care about.

We all seek answers to the questions that affect us.  We all have different personalities, different affinities to different determiners of how we come to feel.  The common thread is precisely our connection to other people that binds us together as a species.  The important mechanisms that filter our world is extremely important in the developing stages of a human being.  Our adaptive processes are also ever increasingly prominent in comparative psychologies.

In short the summation I find myself to engender is defined by this simple statement.  “Be the best person you can be!”

The Specious Habits of Perception


When you don’t share the same reality of experience with another person, you can become lost in the haze and fog of perception.  Perception is a precursor to the reality you see.  The way you see the world is dependent on your beliefs, and your beliefs are dependent on your perceptions.  So how is it that we ever manage to share a reality that we can together identify and discuss intelligently if our perceptions of the world are completely different?

One of the hardest things for me to deal with as a person is when you are in a disagreement with another person, (especially a family member), and it is almost impossible to come to any sort of cooperative resolution, because the reality of what was experienced is widely different, and thus only non-significant minor affirmations are the only remnants to agree upon.  When there is no shared reality of the events which are in question, then a distortion of our perceptions of what has taken place is convoluted and smeared with prejudice; and this can be frustrating and defeating in attempts to establish any mutual starting points.

I have struggled with such matters very close to my heart due to the estranged relationships I have experienced in my life.  When one loses any presence or continuity in a relationship, when one looses confidence, trust or credibility in another’s eyes, then it is an uphill battle to regain a reconciliation.  Why many relationships that have reached this point are so easily dismissed by those that do not think otherwise due to the disintegration of the emotional connections is self-evident.

The most hurtful is when a distortion of perception takes another away from what was once a shared experience, but with time, changes in age, and opposing influence outside of your control, other perceptions will also shape the beliefs of a person, and thus shape their reality of the world around them.  There are so many messages from the media that try to shape our perceptions about what we should buy, drink, eat, consume, wear, ad infinitum.  This technique is also very common in our schools and what our teachers instruct to our children.  A lesson to learn is that one should never take for granted the shared experience, because it can vanish before your eyes.  Those who do not study history, are susceptible to failing to learn from past accounts and this begets frequent examples of such lessons not learned; namely those who denied the Holocaust, going to war because of the threat of weapons of mass destruction, believing in global warming due to human interaction with the environment, or even nine out of ten dentists prefer a certain toothpaste, etc.

I ask the readers to ponder about such circumstances, what have you experienced?  What was your resolution?  I have spent my share of time thinking on such matters and have felt an immense amount of disheartenment.  The details of these matters are very personal and astonishingly painful.  I do not speak of delusional ego defenses, or patterns of poor judgements that have held me beholden to a servitude of denial.  The pain comes from the understanding that life can be a pernicious series of episodes that may never see their karmic end, and may continue to further echo a perception of the world that does not agree with my core vision.  If judgements are rendered before the trial has even begun allowing for all evidence to be examined, then the likelihood of justice served is next to nonexistent.  “Judge not that ye be not judged” (Mathew 7:1-3 KJV) might be the mantra spoken here.

When Mother Teresa was asked if she needed help with money or fundraising in a town she was visiting to see the opening of a shelter, she replied, no thanks, that there was nothing anyone could do for her since her cause was not about money, or publicity. When asked again if they could somehow do something to help, she replied….“If you really want to do something, wake up at 4am and go out on the streets and find someone living there that believes they are alone, and convince them they are not!

So the question now becomes how to make reparations despite the circumstances.  I believe it has something to do with manifestation.  Manifesting is not about getting things that are not here.  It is about attracting what is already here and is a part of you.  The deck may be stacked against you, but it is precisely on how you play that hand, that will determine the vibe and vibrato of the energy you posit into the world despite the past inequities of the world that you have experienced.  I refer the readers to the works by Dr. Wayne Dyer.

All of us have within us this amazing capacity to manifest and attract anything we want into our lives,” Dr. Dyer states. “In [the book] ‘The Secret,’ they say you get what you want, what is missing… What has come to me… is that you say, ‘I will attract into my life what I am.’… That’s the difference: You get what you are rather than what you want.”

To do this, Dr. Dyer says that you must be in alignment with your source, with a divine source.  This doesn’t mean simply wishing for something and expecting it to appear. “You can’t go around and ask these divine beings — angels, whatever you want to call them — to ‘help me out,'” Dr. Dyer says. “You have to become like they are.”

Instead, Dr. Dyer encourages people to become “angelic” — to give, to serve, to be completely free of judgment and criticism toward all other beings.

But we’re human, and human emotions fall across a wide spectrum. So, what should you do when the negative thoughts inevitably creep up?

“Even if your senses tell you that you’re depressed… you don’t say, ‘I am depressed,'” Dr. Dyer says. “If you say, ‘I am depressed,’ you connect with depression and the universal source — God or whatever you want to call it — will align in such a way to offer you… more depression.”

Dr. Dyer advises that people take a different approach. “By placing into your imagination what you want and assuming the feeling of that wish as already fulfilled, you go through your life feeling that,” he says. “When enough of us do that, we will transform this planet.”

My own personal encounters with inequity, resistance and strife have sent me on a journey that rarely circumvented my obstacles since they were right in front of me, I choose to acknowledge them on their own terms head on.  I found this not to be a very successful tactic and eventually found other resources to deal with these problematic scenarios.  If you become angry, you live with the energy that anger creates.  This may be necessary and helpful at times, but the end result is that you do not ultimately overcome resistance by fighting it in this way in the long run.  A prime example is Mahatma Gandhi’s use of civil disobedience through nonviolence in that his ethical thinking was heavily influenced by a handful of books, which he repeatedly meditated upon.  They included especially Plato‘s Apology and John Ruskin‘s Unto this Last (1862) (both of which he translated into his native Gujarati); William Salter’s Ethical Religion (1889); Henry David Thoreau‘s On the Duty of Civil Disobedience (1849); and Leo Tolstoy‘s The Kingdom of God Is Within You (1894).  Ruskin inspired his decision to live an austere life on a commune, at first on the Phoenix Farm in Natal and then on the Tolstoy Farm just outside Johannesburg, South Africa.

So embrace the positive, deflect the negative.  Like energies attract like energies.  Again quoting Ghandi, “Be the change you wish to see in the world!”  Attract what you have within you by engaging the world in this way.  This will be a very hard thing to do if you are caught up in the negative aspects of ego-related issues, but being mindful of this will help you break free of these traps.

Rabindranath Tagore

“Most people believe the mind to be a mirror, more or less accurately reflecting the world outside them, not realizing on the contrary that the mind is itself the principal element of creation.”
Rabindranath Tagore

William James “Each of us literally chooses, by his way of attending to things, what sort of universe he shall appear to himself to inhabit.”

William James

“The waking have one world in common; sleepers have each a private world of his own.”
Heraclitus

Mother Teresa

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
Mother Teresa

⚖⚖⚖

You can look at the menu, but you just can’t eat
You can feel the cushion, but you can’t have a seat
You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can’t have a swim
You can feel the punishment, but you can’t commit the sin
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

You can build a mansion, but you just can’t live in it
You’re the fastest runner but you’re not allowed to win
Some break the rules, and live to count the cost
The insecurity is the thing that won’t get lost
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her, and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

You can see the summit but you can’t reach it
Its the last piece of the puzzle but you just can’t make it fit
Doctor says you’re cured but you still feel the pain
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her, and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame

No One Is To Blame
–Howard Jones —