emotional pain

I say this all with sincerity

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

A narcissist with an inferiority complex

It is a horrific thing being in between

A non-empathetic father

With a low self-esteem

Any one who grew up in this family

I share your pain

I’ve spent the better part of five decades

Searching for answers to keep me sane

Don’t get me wrong

I’ve had a good life

But nobody should have to endure

Such an existential strife

Sometimes I’m haunted by my dreams

But I do not claim to be a victim

I’ve educated myself

And this is my dictum

Make good memories

To replace the ones that harm

Over time these new ones

Will be a healing charm

Maybe this is a poem

Maybe this is my therapy

Maybe this will help others

I say this all with sincerity

…

DCG

Father Time is undefeated

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Stuck in the past?

Lived a life already gone yet?

Again to relive?

What had taken so long to forget?

Can’t help it

Caught in this mess

Turning away only helps for a bit

But sooner or later

Gotta make good on your wit

Unprocessed trauma

Runs silent runs deep

Not much to discover

When it’s held in its keep

Father Time is undefeated

…

DCG

Self-Reflection

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Self-Reflection

The razors edge

To better myself

I’ve made this pledge

The search to improve myself

On the lessons of my life lived

Can benefit me

On the perspective that it gives

Yet I’m chasing a ghost

When I dwell on the past

I no longer serve myself

As the cost is vast

You heal from wounds

Not by attaching to the grief

Reliving a memory over and over again

There is no relief

One must move forward

I must create a new me

Build upon a new foundation

On how I intend to be

…

DCG

The court of suffering

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Be thankful for your blessings

It does not matter who you are

The further we distance ourselves from happiness

The less we notice just indeed how far

A captive trance

Will take over our perception

It deceptively steals our senses

A rational mind is now in defection

Too often our hearts and minds stray

Too often we focus on our hurt

Why not rejoice for the positive?

Why do we not avert?

It is not our natural behavior

Therefore I think it is learned

If we put this into practice

Than the court of suffering is now adjourned

…

DCG

When the damage is Done

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

We make choices

You can’t redo what has been done

Whether you lose the trust

Or whether you’ve won

We all have challenges

Some are better off than me

They don’t feel the pain like I do

Somethings they won’t ever have to see

Some will never get it

Some may never take into account

The failures of their inaction

The pendulum swings from surmount to discount

I know this is a hard conversation

In family one must work through blame

Get beyond the emotion

Get beyond the shame

What strikes me hardest

Is an unwillingness to directly address

Ones own personal connections

Why we deny and why we do not profess

This takes courage

This takes nerve

Some may learn to overcome their weaknesses

Some will just only serve

…

DCG

No Meaningful Relationship that is True

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

You tell me to be more positive

But if you really listen to what I say

Even with my pain and suffering

My outlook is still pretty good at the end of the day

I know we are not close

A chasm of ambivalence I cannot hide

There is a distance between us

Because of this I cannot confide

It’s hard to open up

If you are not understood

And so I isolate

I did the best I could

The issue is not about loving

It’s more about the failure to connect

If you can’t care for yourself

Why should I expect you to protect?

Our family has not dealt with Alzheimer’s

But I can sympathize with those who do

This is what is most heartfelt

No meaningful relationship that is true

…

DCG

 

The Balance of our Temperament

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Be honest with your feelings

You must decide how to engage

Use reason with emotion

Don’t act as if all the world is a stage

If you are not authentic

You hide the truth and thus deceive

The worst is not in deceiving others

But rather it is when you deceive yourself I believe

One can argue

They are both forms of the same deceit

In any case one must have a moral compass

For one to take a receipt

Be true to the heart

It is best to feel deeply

That is to say

You will embrace your values completely

To be authentic

Is to be free

Escape from a double standard

Escape from hypocrisy

If you are ever wrong

Your logic and reason are put to test

No matter how strong the feeling was

Your course will change to settle the unrest

There is no contradiction

Be true to heart and feeling – let your conscience be your guide

One to balance the other

So that the truth should never hide

I have been hurt deeply

My heart left open to enjoy

But feelings aren’t always mutual

And so the story of a heart used as a toy

Yet I would do it again

Given lessons that I have learned

The balance of our temperament

Is now what is yearned

…

DCG

 

 

This Reality is Taboo

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

How long is the night?

When you are in despair

Suffocating without love

As you gasp for air

This may not be popular

This reality is taboo

How many have gone through it?

How many never review?

When parent wrestled a child

One that is their own

Sadistically chokes them in play

Calls them a pussy before leaving to answer the phone

The worst part of the story

A mother and brother watching, never lifted their hands

But there is no blame

For this memory that still stands

Fear is debilitating

For any reconciliation one must reach within

Forgive the sins against you

This is where you must begin

…

DCG

The Ameliorist

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

So you haven’t had it so easy

For yourself you had to fend

How do I get over my feelings of abandonment?

As a child I had to pretend

Sometimes it takes a lifetime

For you to work things out

If you never take any action

HD Thoreau’s quiet desperation

May surely come about

The ameliorist must make decisions

An ever changing environment we face

How do we improve our situation?

How do we stop running in place?

The path to reach any piece of mind

The thinkers must make amends with the past

Those who feel deeply must forgive any trauma

And mediate the iconoclast

…

DCG

The Mirror of Illusion

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

The Mirror of illusion

What is the presumption if your selfie is “art”?

The narcissist protects

The narcissist has a deeply troubled heart

We sacrifice our integrity

When we have to mask the truth

Our vanity has taken over

consuming a once innocent youth

The specious habits of perception

Our beliefs are betrayed

An up-spring of injury

We substitute a charade

Maybe we try to mitigate?

Maybe we try to fool?

When all is said and done

Only the broken heart’s pretend to rule

Healthy self-assessment

Does not face the mirror

Fabricating an understanding

Resisting an underlying fear

…

DCG