Charades of Candor

 

Studies in human behavior show that we can become strongly influenced by others demonstrating our need to belong.  This may seem acceptable depending on the modeled behaviors or attitudes we observe, but on closer inspection, deeper implications on the kinds of messages and perspectives we pick up and internalize from others are evident.

Do we subconsciously conceal our true natures with the incentive for acceptance into other groups?  And if the values differ, did we subdue our previously learned values because of societal pressures, or because our current psychological and/or physical needs are not being met?  Was it a process of subjugating our once valued ideals to align with the pressures of the social contexts we placed upon ourselves if indeed the values are not in alignment?  If we turn to the finding in the Stanford Prison Experiment, it may shed some light onto these questions.

Stanford University psychology professor Philip Zimbardo in 1971 conducts a psychological experiment to test the hypothesis that the personality traits of prisoners and guards are the chief cause of abusive behavior between them. In the experiment, Zimbardo selects twenty-four male students to participate in a 7–14 day prison simulation to take roles as prisoners or guards.  They receive $15 per day.  The experiment is conducted in a mock prison located in the basement of Jordan Hall, the University Psychology building.  The students who are guards become abusive, as does Zimbardo himself.  Two students who play the role of prisoners quit the experiment early, and the entire experiment is abruptly stopped after only six days.  The U.S. Office of Naval Research provides the funding for the experiment and U.S. Navy and the Marine Corps both show interest in this investigation into the causes of conflict between military guards and prisoners.  The implications of these experiments show how multitudes of human interactions can impose and influence peoples behavior given specific sets of circumstances established in social settings.

If we look at the countless examples of how children rebel against their family mores and go off on another direction when they become teens, or if we look at the cultural phenomena of how the rise of punk rock was reactionary to the classic rock era, then we may draw conclusions upon the underlying psychological factors that impel the changes in the newer generations?

The question I often ask is when these changes of expression occur, are people consciously aware of their motivation?  Is it because there is something missing and not fulfilling the people willing to change the course of their psychological values?  This is of course a very broad stroke to make in assuming that these values are different.  Perhaps it is in the expressions of the person that differ, but not the underlying values of those expressions?  Perhaps they can be mutually exclusive and co-exist?  The point of contention is really the cases of people who are not artistically seeking new directions, but rather those who change their values to become a part of a divergent group.  The direction is clearly different and easily distinguishable for others to see in many cases that involve dramatic physical changes.

This scenario would include someone who dramatically changes their appearance to fit into another group of newly formed friendships.  Tattoo’s, implants and piercings for those who are decorating their bodies with ornamentation that in many instances their parents would not approve if done in extreme measures might be the example to study.

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), also termed body dysmorphia or dysmorphic syndrome, is a mental disorder via obsessive preoccupation with a perceived defect in one’s own appearance, viewed as so severe as to warrant exceptional measures to hide or fix it.  If the flaw is actual, its importance is severely exaggerated.  BDD is categorized in the obsessive–compulsive spectrum.

Usually starting during adolescence, BDD is a fairly common mental disorder, affects men and women roughly equally, and may occur in some 1% to 2% of the population.  In fear of being thought vain, persons experiencing BDD tend to keep the preoccupation secret, and BDD is severely underdiagnosed.  Severely impairing quality of life, BDD can lead to social isolation and involves especially high rates of suicidal ideation.  Clearly the cases below would indicate that these people have no secrets to the expression of their selves.

Girl With Implants Forehead And Extreme Piercing

Extreme Face Tattoo And Lower Lip Punched

Forehead Implants And Extreme Piercings

 

But more interesting still are those who do not consciously know they are changing their values.  Those who form new friendships, become involved with new organizations of people personally and professionally sharing something maybe familiar, yet some forms of differentiation are not openly shared.  The individual in them withholds overtly shown behaviors and personal information as to not disrupt the status quo from within a group.  For the average person, this may seem to be subtle and is the primary purpose for this post.  Questioning the very natures of those that are seeking some kind of alternative experience begs the question about wanting to belong.  The changing process they undergo during this transition is something worth investigating.  Do their values change during this transition?

But of course there is a pendulum swing that goes all the way to the other vantage points; those that are out of the ordinary.  Like those seeking alternative lifestyles as depicted in the Stanley Kubrick’s 1999 film Eyes Wide Shut.  This film goes deeper than just those just looking out for new ways to spice up their relationships, or new ways to express themselves sexually.

From Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut

Not only is this film about a mysterious, perhaps murderous, secret society, it is drenched in allusions to the New World Order cabal.  Occult symbols like the pentagram can be found throughout the film, as well as multiple references to rainbows and looking glasses… Eyes Wide Shut, the phrase itself, is a calling card among secret societies, meaning ‘my eyes are shut to your misdeeds, brother.’  This anonymity is required of the participants, otherwise the society’s wealthy elite would be revealed.  For as one character in the film says, “If I told you their names I don’t think you’d sleep so well.”

[Kubrick] died only days after submitting the first cut of the film to Warner Brothers.  At this point, the film was commandeered by Warner Brothers and heavily edited… Is it possible that this scene and others originally contained images and/or dialogue that illuminated the New World Order in a way that was dangerous to their privacy?  Was Kubrick trying to out the secret society, or at least toy with their heads?

It’s clear that Eyes Wide Shut is about a secret society, though the film is up for interpretation about whether they are truly dangerous or simply wealthy, bored New Yorker’s looking for a good time.  Whatever the true nature of this film expresses, it is only another expression of how we humans organize and sometimes put ourselves at risk when we pursue choices outside of our comfort zones.  Choices that sometimes lead us down a path that will challenge our values, and possibly change the way we see ourselves.  We may indeed compromise some trusted values only to replace them with a result that we may not have bargained for, or we may discover something that provided us with new insights on just who we really are.

But to know just who we really are, one must first ask those questions like…”What am I willing to stand for?  What is it that I value?”  When our friendships have lasted for many years with some people, I think the answer for the sustainability in the friendship is because we identify with them despite the years that have gone by.  But we can also see that some of our friendships do not stand this test of time.  Does this mean we have somehow become disenchanted from them because we either lack a frequency in contact, or maybe it is the distance between us, or possibly it is because of a difference in our values expressed?  For me the interest lies in knowing if people indeed are aware of when these changes occur and how they represent them to other people in their lives.

Thus the seeds of charade begins to play out in their lives if they find that they still want to associate with some people, but find that the similarities become less and less as time goes by.  The painful examples are evident in all the unhappily married couples that have grown apart, but co-exist to maintain the illusion of a family whether it be for the children’s sake, or for a financial decision that takes precedent over their happiness.  To give the facade any legitimacy they must express charades of candor to others in their lives, and tragically they must express this quietly to themselves; a constant reminder of the state of being they find themselves attached and enslaved to.

How well our politicians subvert the populace and play this charade is all to evident in human history when they promise one thing publicly, but silently act differently with their powers.  The reason politics has earned a bad name is precisely due to the secretive behaviors our elected public figures enact.  But to me the tragedy is still in the realm of our friendships, and relationships on the interpersonal level of communication we see in day-to-day life.  When was the last time you gave yourself a mirror check?  What say you?

 

 

Are we authentic?  Or are we acting?  Do we see the world as a stage?

Acting for all the world is a stage!

 

 

 

✣✣✣✣

 

 

Authenticity: All The World’s A Stage

mask

How much does your inner persona agree with your outer persona? Are you truly living as the person you present yourself to be to the world? Whether the mirror test makes you think of your opportunities for more cohesion with your inner and outer states, or if the accounts of your public persona develop your mind for further inquiry; there remains an awareness of certain parts of oneself that would rather be kept silent from other discerning examinations. In psychology the term cognitive dissonance is the feeling of discomfort when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognition’s: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel “disequilibrium”: frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc

The theory of cognitive dissonance in social psychology proposes that people have a motivational drive to cut dissonance by altering existing cognition’s, adding new ones to create a consistent belief system, or by reducing the importance of any one of the dissonant elements. It is the distressing mental state that people feel when they “find themselves doing things that don’t fit with what they know, or having opinions that do not fit with other opinions they hold.” A key assumption is that people want their expectations to meet reality, creating a sense of equilibrium. Likewise, another assumption is that a person will avoid situations or information sources that give rise to feelings of uneasiness, or dissonance.

Values such as Honesty, Compassion, Integrity, Forgiveness, Love, Knowledge, Discipline, Faith, and Leadership are in the foundations of many cultures around the world. These ideas are instilled within the pillars of education in many societies and have an impact on those exposed to these teachings. The beliefs we come to know are influenced by such teachings, yet we sometimes are not so good as to put them in practice. We often take these teachings for granted and the development of these social skills are not efficiently used or thought out. Thus, we fail to properly acquire the awareness that allows our behaviors to consistently follow the congruent ideals behind them.

Cohesion between the inner self and the outer persona often equivocate questions about what you know and what you don’t know about yourself. We sometimes wear many hats in our lives, but do they share the core of values we bring to the world? William Shakespeare wrote the play “As You Like It” in 1599 which included the following excerpt…

All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

Neil Peart’s lyrics in the Canadian Rock band RUSH borrowing from this theme wrote the song Limelight…

Living on a lighted stage approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel
In touch with some reality beyond the gilded cage
Cast in this unlikely role, ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers to keep oneself intact
Living in the limelight, the universal dream
For those who wish to see
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation, the underlying theme
Living in a fish eye lens, caught in the camera eye
I have no heart to lie
I can’t pretend a stranger is a long-awaited friend
All the world’s indeed a stage and we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another’s audience outside the gilded cage
Living in the limelight, the universal dream
For those who wish to see
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation, the underlying theme
Living in the limelight, the universal dream
For those who wish to see
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation, the underlying theme
The real relation, the underlying theme
For comparison the context in these cases may slightly differ and merely reflect partially related examples of the human condition outlined in this post. The guilded cage reference is an idiom that suggests If someone is in a gilded cage, they are trapped and have restricted or no freedom, but have very comfortable surroundings- many famous people live in luxury but cannot walk out of their house alone. I equate this idiom to the idea that we can also be lazy in our rendering of the person we wish to be, and the actual reality of who we are remains behind a shroud from others. For whatever reason one can surmise about why we act the way we do, they all lead to the same conclusions about our disconnection between the inner self and the outer self we put into practice everyday. The take-away from these references raises questions about our conscious self and if viewed as we are coming to terms with being in a material world and with encountering external forces and influences which are very different from itself; then authenticity is one way in which the self acts and changes in response to these pressures. While greater accountability may not cure-all the world’s ills, it does give a sturdy foundation on which you can build long-lasting solutions. Many examples of ethical doctrines come to mind that have circulated our planet having a huge impact on the followers of the “Ætérnitas témporum dominus”; or ageless masters.

So if we are aware of such self examinations and find some incongruities, how do we decide which particular secrets and personal episodes we would share with others? The questions just keep coming! Are there indiscretions we have never shared that one should openly talk about? Are there subjects that we should discuss with others in our social networks to truly be an authentic person, or are there some subjects we should never talk about? Who will be effected knowing the skeleton’s that are buried deep within our closets? Who will we trust to keep our personal information in perspective without being unjustly judged from past volition’s? How does not being forthright complicate our dealings with our relationships, our associations, and or families? Does subduing this information affect the way we conduct ourselves in everyday life? Are we judgmental of others, and sensitive to those who may tread closely to these concealed experiences that we deny others of fully understanding?

A central proposition of existentialism is that “existence precedes essence”, which means that the most important consideration for the person is that he or she is an individual—an independently acting and responsible conscious being (“existence”)—rather than what labels, roles, stereotypes, definitions, or other preconceived categories the individual fits (“essence”). The real life of the individual is what is what could be called his or her “true essence” instead of there being an arbitrarily attributed essence used by others to define him or her. Thus, human beings, through their own consciousness, create their own values and determine a meaning to their life. Although it was Jean-Paul Sartre who explicitly coined the phrase, similar notions can be found in the thought of existentialist philosophers such as Søren Kierkegaard and Martin Heidegger. The presupposition some make is that we have the capability to connect with our divergent selves as well as recognize that we can suppress, disregard, obfuscate, and be apathetic to the discoveries we find within our inquiries when we scrutinize ourselves.

I for one think that simplifying our lives can lead to some steps in the right direction. We can only control what we can control. The power to transform ourselves into the ideal of who want to be and who we actually are is a respectable notion depending on what that ideal is. My thought is that we as a culture overwhelmingly pay little attention to syncing our internal persona’s with our external behaviors in many instances of our lives. Maybe I am just deluded into thinking that such an idea is true for the majority of us due to the chaos we seem to invoke upon one another that exists all around the world. Whether this comes down to a “Zero-Sum Game” in the process of extending our true selves for others to see, or whether we should respectfully omit certain truths about ourselves from the others around us and not completely “come clean” with our dirty laundry is ultimately up that person. I respectfully submit to the reader that in many of these cases, honesty is the best policy, but the collateral damage that can be incurred is something to consider before the decision to align one’s selves (inner and outer) is effectuated. There are many tangents not covered in this post such as confabulations, attributes of the sub-conscious, issues of self-awareness, and mental disabilities, that will obviously augment the analysis and depth one can take this topic.

May Sarton

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”
May Sarton
Margery Williams

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.’Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

C.G. Jung

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
C.G. Jung
Mollie Marti

“Our power lies in our small daily choices, one after another, to create eternal ripples of a life well lived.”
Mollie Marti
“Sincerity is the fulfillment
of our own nature,
and to arrive at it we need
only follow our own true Self.
Sincerity is the beginning
and end of existence;
without it, nothing can endure.
Therefore the mature person
values sincerity above all things.”
― Tzu-ssu

Ryokan

“Keep your heart clear
And transparent,
And you will
Never be bound.
A single disturbed thought
Creates ten thousand distractions.”
Ryokan