suffering

I say this all with sincerity

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

A narcissist with an inferiority complex

It is a horrific thing being in between

A non-empathetic father

With a low self-esteem

Any one who grew up in this family

I share your pain

I’ve spent the better part of five decades

Searching for answers to keep me sane

Don’t get me wrong

I’ve had a good life

But nobody should have to endure

Such an existential strife

Sometimes I’m haunted by my dreams

But I do not claim to be a victim

I’ve educated myself

And this is my dictum

Make good memories

To replace the ones that harm

Over time these new ones

Will be a healing charm

Maybe this is a poem

Maybe this is my therapy

Maybe this will help others

I say this all with sincerity

…

DCG

Father Time is undefeated

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Stuck in the past?

Lived a life already gone yet?

Again to relive?

What had taken so long to forget?

Can’t help it

Caught in this mess

Turning away only helps for a bit

But sooner or later

Gotta make good on your wit

Unprocessed trauma

Runs silent runs deep

Not much to discover

When it’s held in its keep

Father Time is undefeated

…

DCG

The court of suffering

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Be thankful for your blessings

It does not matter who you are

The further we distance ourselves from happiness

The less we notice just indeed how far

A captive trance

Will take over our perception

It deceptively steals our senses

A rational mind is now in defection

Too often our hearts and minds stray

Too often we focus on our hurt

Why not rejoice for the positive?

Why do we not avert?

It is not our natural behavior

Therefore I think it is learned

If we put this into practice

Than the court of suffering is now adjourned

…

DCG

If and when one learns

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

It pains me to say

I struggle with my family

All those years ago

All of that calamity

It haunts me today

To make peace I have tried

Reminders of the past come out when I interact

Reopen those wounds when I have cried

We must keep in measure

The way we communicate with one another

Deeds will pass from way back when

Yet they will continue to fester if we place blame on the other

We must find find a common narrative

Closure is needed to come to terms

Ones that we can agree upon

If and when one learns

…DCG

It’s not quite clear

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes we must tolerate

The ill-mannered, the ignorant, and the fool

Fortuitously or by practice

Beware the many that do not know the golden rule

The thing about tolerance

When it deals with our pain

We will tend to suffer

Whilst we still often complain

Is it a maladaptive behavior?

Or are we just austere?

With the folly of our being

It’s not quite clear

…

DCG

375 K Dead Worldwide

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Italian doctors break protocol

Autopsy on Covid 19

Pandemic not a virus but a bacterium

The diagnosis of thrombosis was unforeseen

Sometimes a truth bomb

Is made out to be

Just another conspiracy

Just another anomaly

Don’t trust the W.H.O.

A front for the CCP

375K dead worldwide

As I write this poetic treatise

…

DCG

No Meaningful Relationship that is True

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

You tell me to be more positive

But if you really listen to what I say

Even with my pain and suffering

My outlook is still pretty good at the end of the day

I know we are not close

A chasm of ambivalence I cannot hide

There is a distance between us

Because of this I cannot confide

It’s hard to open up

If you are not understood

And so I isolate

I did the best I could

The issue is not about loving

It’s more about the failure to connect

If you can’t care for yourself

Why should I expect you to protect?

Our family has not dealt with Alzheimer’s

But I can sympathize with those who do

This is what is most heartfelt

No meaningful relationship that is true

…

DCG

 

Without any Purpose

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Without any purpose

Without family, children, and a wife

Without God

There is no meaning in my life

There is no substitute

For these things that I say

J.P. Sartre, Soren Kierkegaard, and Albert Camus

All have yet to persuade me as I will not stray

The older I get

The more I see

To humble myself

Under the bodhi tree

A vessel must be empty

Before it can be filled

Broken down and beguiled

Now ready to rebuild

Solomon was a pragmatist

His wisdom was renowned

His rulings were just

His rulings would astound

This is not an existential rant

This is not a misplaced soliloquy

This is just a story

This is just my testimony

…

DCG

I Know I have to Heal

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I choose to be happy

But I have much work to do

I have a damaged soul

Just between me and you

Traumatized in my childhood

I eventually outgrew and overcame

But if you don’t resolve the issues

They tend to come back to visit again and again

Ironically I cannot turn to the family

Since their influence is part of my shame

I know I have to heal

And depose this pain that comes out of my blame

…

DCG

Wallow in the Mire

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Ask the right questions

Focus on the good

Knowing that you have been wronged

Won’t matter if this is understood

The best way forward

You must first find your stride

Following the affirmative

Let this be your guide

When you allow the cynical voices

To occupy your mind

You squelch any happiness

That you are willing if able to find

Wallow in the mire

Bespattered with wounded pith

If you remain there too long

A potential to overcome becomes myth

…

DCG