So Here I Am Waiting

I’m trying to find my way in this world

I follow the path to the Sagittarius it leads

A heart that is bound

One that is willing to proceed

I value our friendship

And this I will make clear

I will protect your heart

I trust you know I am sincere

I offer my respect

That you truly deserve

I will bring out and nurture

Feelings you have that you reserve

Explore with me

How you really feel

So here I am waiting

Making my appeal

DCG

Your Tarot Card

You like me

I like you

So why don’t we –

Rendezvous

Love your smile

Love your eyes

You know by now

That it’s no surprise

The best kind of song

That one can sing

The song from the heart

It’s a beautiful thing

I like your company

What you bring

Our conversations

The little things

You like me

I like you

So why don’t we –

Rendezvous

I’d like to think

We go together

There’s something about us

That’s on a tether

You might say

I’m into you

I like the idea

The idea of two

Tell me miss V

Are up up for it?

I know it’s real

No need for counterfeit

Just let me in

Let down your guard

Let me be

Your tarot card

DCG

I’d Rather Risk Sharing

Am I in too deep?

I’m always thinking of you

What is going on inside me?

It’s just my point of view

There are people in this world

They capture your essence

Even the grown man again becomes the adolescent

Don’t get me wrong

It feels good to express this

It’s not everyday this happens

A special someone who gives you bliss

We begin to ask questions

When reason alone cannot solve

But it’s matters of the heart

That must be resolved

We question our motives

Why our feelings run so deep

Allowing ourselves to open up

Sometimes it’s best to take that leap

I’d rather not lock down my emotions

Protect my ego and it’s trappings

Live my life as I really am

In all of my happenings

Better to be honest

Present the true self you wish to be

We attract what we project

At least that’s what I see

You might think it’s not worth it

Controlling your heart by keeping it still

The consequences of such action

Are imposed upon us by our will

You will never achieve any happiness

This resolution imprisons the Soul

I’d rather meet my world freely

Not surrender my ego to control

I’d rather risk sharing my true feelings

Than never to have let you know

This would be more tragic

To conceal with a fear to show

I don’t fear the stigma of rejection

I don’t just throw my feelings about

I am secure and hold myself accountable

Despite how things might turn out

DCG

And this is what I exclaim

I think of you at sunrise

I think of you at sunset

I think of you in between

Wanting to know more about you since we met

I don’t normally act like this

It is not really like me

Somehow someway I’m stirred inside

It’s something I think you can see

You are the most beautiful person I know

It’s not for what you wear

Not what’s on the surface counts most

But for me it’s what’s on the inside-

This for me is my fresh air

You might call me passionate

You might call me this name

I express what I feel

And this is what I exclaim

DCG

Que al amanecer que al atardecer le entre ganas de saber más acerca de usted desde que nos conocimos normalmente no actúa como es realmente no me gustaria de alguna manera alguna manera yo estoy revuelto en su interior es algo que me parece se ve que es pienso pienso pienso más persona hermosa sé que no es por lo que use no lo que está en la superficie cuenta con la mayoría pero para mí es lo que está en el interior, esta para mi es mi aire fresco le puede llamada me apasionado podría llamarme este nombre expresar lo que siento y esto es lo que yo exclamar

Tap the Fire in my Soul

Inspire me to become better

Tap the fire in my soul

Unleash my potential

This has always been a goal

But for me you make it easy

I’m touched and I tell you in this way

I am thankful for your influence

I am a better man than I was yesterday

I embrace these gifts

Lavish me in splendor

The scent of your hair and the touch of your skin

Makes my heart tender

I am truly blessed

My outlook in life

I greet my opportunities

I discard my strife

I welcome the Day

And what I can bring

What I can provide

An emotional wellspring

DCG

Valentine’s Day

I saw your picture today

You could be a million miles away

But I’d still feel you close

I know this sounds so cliché

You never cease to amaze

A heart that is generous

A heart of gold

You make it look so effortless

I wonder how this will unfold?

What’s a poor boy to do?

I want to tell

I want to show

Just how I fell

That last domino

There is something

I only know

I ask for your company

Because that’s when I glow

I ask for your permission

For me to participate

Showing you the difference

In your life that I can make

It’s really not that silly

Sometimes we connect on wavelengths

Others do not notice

Others do not appreciate

In this case I recognize

I think It’s fair to say

A healing is among us

For me everyday is Valentine’s Day

día de San Valentín

DCG

I Renew

The new day brings me joy

I open with a fresh view

I am open again

I renew

Another chance to right a wrong

Another day to make good on a promise

Not another day that didn’t go right

Not another doubting Thomas

No matter what will happen

I chose to live now

I chose to embrace

I give myself this power

No need to save face

I’m not certain

But in love I think

Penetrates all the weaknesses

Eviscerates the double-think

I go forward

I live with my heart

Not strewn on the old misbegotten

Order up and execute my kick-start

DCG

Battlefields of the Mind

mossyangelIf we do things that are enjoyable, then we usually find our time spent delightful, hence our affability quotient is enhanced.  Our happiness closely correlates in this relationship.  On the other hand, when we find that we have little to look forward to, we then see a negative correlation, and our happiness quotient is greatly impeded.  When we find that the things we like to do diminishes, we may have embitterment’s not fully reconciled.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/97/e7/7e/97e77ed8f6994e9c1dc98463d6b12969.jpg

When you have nothing to look forward to, you have very little to save you from pulling yourself up to see clearly.  We become lost in the haze of a battle within. There are forces that keep us from doing things we enjoy, injuries that prevent us from enabling us to do a physical activity, perhaps our health is besieged by some ailment, or we surrender to some fear that prevents us from going forward with an activity?  The misfortune of many circumstances that keep us from a treasured result can have tragic repercussions!  A battle is being waged!

Think of World War I: you’re in the trenches with other diverging souls just trying to survive.  I use the metaphor about being in the trenches because in a battlefield; scrambling around in routines that are essential only to your survival can be observed.  (WWI trenches were dug and the soldiers would stay in them avoiding enemy fire, before the advance of enemy soldiers would make them move, or possibly the shells of artillery fired at them).  The front is where many of these battles took place, with trenches dug to escape with life and limb.  Avoiding the bullet onslaught or cannon fodder that would rip into flesh as bones shattered and tore through organs whilst the blood would spill.  Sometimes we lead ourselves into a series of events that we must take an action, if we do not, we may instead mimic the leaves blowing in a random direction from the wind over the landscape.

The picture painted above is all too real for those that experienced WW I.  Possibly one of your grandfathers, or great grandfathers served under such conditions.  I paint this visceral picture in contrast with another reality; one that has direct implications to a mind under assault.  The contrast to any action willed, the opposite of any action either becomes catatonic in its reaction or a paralysis of the will may come to be if intense loss is experienced.  Take a moment and think on some activity that brings you great pleasure, something you have become good in doing, and has given you some esteem in the presence of your friends.  Now consider you cannot again take part in this activity.

Extrapolate this experience to many other kinds of activities that you were once able to do, and it gave you a freedom, it gave you an immense enjoyment that is very hard to put into words.  Think of all the people that suffer from not being able to act on their will, that they have an understanding that much of their activities must now be supervised, or that can no longer do what they once could do.  A broken back, the loss of sight, a heart condition, or maybe simply just an age that cannot be ignored.

We all may have experienced something joyful, that we can no longer participate in on a similar level, or on some other related activity due to many impediments.  The tragic consequences we may lead ourselves into after the recognition sets in and we realize that we can no longer do, act on, or take part in on some rudimentary level is heart breaking.  This is the extreme example for a case to be made about apathy, and the psychological carnage it can lead us into.  We have the ability to overcome, we have the ability to find other activities that can bring us joy and make some niche for ourselves once again during times of tribulation.

But knowing this possibility, many of us find little solace in other activities.  Many of us become jaded and bitter, and do not see past the nose on our faces.  Where would we be if we lose the ability to adapt, change and improvise?  The power to heal our spirits and meet the world head on again comes from trials of failures that we learn as we continue our experimentation in finding hope.

For some people, they don’t try to embrace new experiences given their abilities and aimlessly wander.  They often continue to lay in the trenches, not finding out that the war has ended, and they become ghosts of the past, clinging on to old notions of who they are, what they represent, or how they should fit in, (left country-less, pledging no allegiance to the victor of the outcome, and trapped into the past).  Maybe they fixate on a time they identify with, so when things change, circumstances change, they become alienated and do not know how to move on from past perspectives?

The analogy can lead us to think on our own situations.  How do we relate when we have lost our way when change takes its hold over our lives?  When we cannot look forward to a once cherished pastime?  When we have nothing to look forward to, when we trap ourselves in a pastime that we can no longer take part in, how do we react?  It is very sad, but I think we find ourselves somewhat like the shell-shocked soldier who is petrified and does nothing to change their situation.  They remain in the psychological trench they have dug out, and simply wait!  They do not seek out new avenues, (or trenches for that matter), and remain in a perpetual disillusionment.  Until they reach for help, they may just be psychological cannon fodder that takes up their time on an internal battlefield of the mind.

Have you experienced a loss in your life that has dramatically changed the way you can function?  Are you handicapped, or can you relate to getting yourself stuck into a rut of denial that prevents you from moving on with your life?  Are you in angst because you once could do something you love, and no longer have anything that gives you such joy, thus you are trapped remembering the past and your former enjoyments doing them?

If this is the case then can you empathize with a person who seems terminally locked into a psychological paralysis that will forever keep them into a state of catatonic ruin?  We can heal, but effort on our part must be taken.  We cannot survive by living in the past, we must reach for new challenges,  despite the gloomy conditions we lock ourselves into.  It is a very bleak world when we give up on having anything to look forward to.  This means that no matter the time sequence; a day, a week, a month, or a year, we must all reach for something new to shed light on our captive spirits.  The frustration and dire consequences may result in not being able to appreciate the diminutive pleasures in one’s life.  If we do not awaken from our slumbers, than we may have some opportunity by watching our fellow captive soldiers in the trenches around us to spark or ignite new ways to try!

 

Sleepless in San Diego

 

I’ve lain awake for most of the night tossing and turning because my mind is restless.  I not sure why I am this way but I have reason to believe it is because I long for something more in the life I am following.  There is also another reason that occurs to me.  The reasoning is as ancient as we are a species I surmise.  The will to change comes from an influence of people I love or hold in high regard.  However this inspiration transforms us into significant lasting changes within us, it has an equal importance in the renewal that aids us in becoming better people.  The transformational qualities that a person can have on you are just as valuable as the benefits received from the changes that occur within us.

There are some days when you are lying in bed, just trying to relax so that you can drift off to sleep, and become vexed because you cannot seem to quiet your mind.  It races and keeps focused on some deeper questions when all other insignificant issues drop away from my conscious thoughts.  However disturbing this can be, it can also become a liaison to change; an event that forces you to do something different and shift the course you are on.

I know only that I am thoughtful about being a better man than the one I am today.  I’ve discovered that to truly enrich my life I can start allowing myself to extinguish the unnecessary convictions I have previously held on to that no longer serve me.  I seem driven by forces that are not satisfied with the status quo of my person-hood.  I remember that this has happened to me before, (sleepless nights from an induced restless mind), and during that time I began a quest of change, a transformation of a former self.

During this younger self I focused on behaviors that would improve my physical appearance (my health and well-being).  I acquired a job that would allow me to fund my intellectual goals and maintain my financial autonomy.  I also found quality friends for my social development.  Those were sound choices at the time, but what I didn’t account for was the hidden injuries and baggage of my mind that became more evident as I aged only to resurface again later on in my life.  Thus again I must pursue a path to cleanse me of these burdens that weigh me down and impede my development.

I must say I have much work to do since I have allowed myself to derail from previous developments.  We cannot always predict what we will encounter in this life, and things happen that swedes us into disbanding some of our best efforts and behaviors.  I could honestly say on occasion that the ‘two steps forward and one step back’ cliché in my case translates more like stumbling on my way forward only to fall back into a past footprint!

I have previously written on this topic, but what I have not detailed is the sleepless nights where my mind is running at a pace that I cannot diffuse.  It is an awakening deep within me that is making its way to be known in my head and my heart.  I do not plan on such things as they deeply affect me as I can only allow them to guide me and let these feelings run their course.  Wonderful things can happen under the influence of such a powerful emotion.  Not all of our feelings will be brought into the light, because of the many complexities of this world.  We bury them deep within us to protect any miscalculation, we tuck them away because we may never act on them due to the circumstances.  Sometimes this may be wise for us to handle such matters in this way, and sometimes it is a very unfortunate risk that was never taken, and thus haunts us until our death-bed.

I do not know all the reasons why, I often think about every possible angle I can get my head around it, but the heart wants what it wants, and so I am left on occasion sleepless in San Diego.

 

 

I have no illusions to make about my situation.  It is there for me to use this energy and direct myself into an unknown outcome.  It is not the first time, and may not be the last, but I can certainly say that it can be a force to reckon with.  If executed with diligence and wisdom this kind of development can be an awesome motivational springboard.  The above video is symbolic in how we become moved and charmed by those in our lives.

 

 

Who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose, only time

Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies, only time
And who can say why your heart cries
When your love lies, only time

Who can say when the roads meet
That love might be in your heart
And who can say when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart
Night keeps all your heart

Who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose
Only time
And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time

Who knows? Only time

Enya