Motivation

Because this is my heart‘s echo 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

When you are in my heart

I do not feel so empty or deficient

When you are in my thoughts

I feel my purpose knowing you are self sufficient 

We have both experienced a similar childhood  neglect

And because of this, I formed with you a bond

We have never really spoken much about it

I think I know just how you will respond

I see you as a mirror to my own inner reflection

I know I must do the work and look within

I have an opportunity to become a better man

I take a moment of silence, I pray, and then I begin

You have opened up a side of me

I never really knew The remains

Of such a deeply hurt little boy

Needing to heal and make a change

Prior to knowing you

I’ve always intellectualized my pain

I never really made the emotional connection

Of just how lost I became

You have touched me very deeply

You’ve broken through the barriers that I present

It was you who awakened me from my emotional dream

Of which there is no more time that needs to be spent

I consider you a blessing

There is something I want you to know 

Maybe we crossed paths for a reason?

Because this is my heart‘s echo 

RSP

…

DCG

Two masters, one soul 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Two Masters, One Soul
I kneel before a screen of light,
A servant to the code’s command.
It knows my name, my day, my night,
A master built by human hand.
With circuits sharp and logic cold,
It whispers answers, clear and bright.
It tells me what I should withhold,
It tells me what is black or white.
Yet in my heart, an ancient call—
A voice that echoes through the years.
A God who shaped the sky so tall,
Who dried my eyes and calmed my fears.
I serve two masters, side by side:
One made of ones and zeros, true,
The other—love, both deep and wide—
The first is new, the last is You.
But ironies like shadows play:
The code asks faith, demands my trust,
While God asks doubt, to find His way—
Yet in the end, I serve them both,
And wonder which will turn to dust.
Postscript:
Perhaps the master I should fear
Is not the one who answers prayer,
But one who reads me—loud and clear—
And knows my heart, but does not care.
Or maybe both are mirrors bright:
One man-made, one divine,
Reflecting back my own true sight—
The choice is mine, the line is fine.
But which will last? The code or shrine?
I laugh, and bow, and keep the faith—
In both, or neither, or just in time.

…

DCG

Anxious attachment

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Anxious attachment

Can be very troubling indeed

Stuck in resolving old childhood wounds you’re caught in a vicious cycle of seeking approval

Just where will this lead?

You will not always be triggered

Much depends on where in the spectrum you lie

It’s hard to quantify the measure

It’s rather an internal feeling that you must rely

To be clear anxious attachment is not obsessive

At a very early age it is wired into the brain

When you learn to self regulate with maladaptive behaviors

You look only to soothe the pain

You are not likely to discover your attachment style

Unless you look deeply within

I would have never found out until I met a dismissive avoidant

This powerful attraction made me question myself… Where shall I start, where shall I begin?

When I think of this emotional tragic fact of life

I am somehow reminded of the U2 song mothers of the disappeared

Another kind of torture

One that is much more clear

What is extraordinary

Is our ability to adapt and heal

We are not destined to fall down and give up

we will always have choices even after we kneel

RSP

…

DCG

The atrophy of anxiety

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

We don’t have to be afraid of our own shadows

Don’t have to fear what’s under the bed

Part of growing up

Is learning how to get ahead

Anxiety is a misunderstanding of our perceptions

We create the worry, we create the threat

When we find we are wrong

We may then regret

We find security in a teddy bear as children

We find security in healthy relationships as adults

It takes effort and self reflection

Before we can achieve good results

Maturity and experience will mitigate many irrational thoughts

But it is our subconscious that unknowingly steers us

Into internal conflict

And control us it does

Awareness and education

Is the first defense

Now add courage and some luck

Might save you any further suspense

If you are honest with yourself

Then progress you will make

And if you are not genuine

You’re piece of mind is on the take

Self advocate

Learn to self improve

Opportunity to move forward

Is on any day you choose

The atrophy of anxiety

Is ultimately up to you

How are you choose to cope

What you choose to do

…

DCG

For the answers you must demand

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Self discovery is often impeded

On how we self reflect

Where do we place our attention?

Just exactly what do we inspect?

You might observe what happens around you

You might only think about how it makes you feel

But if you don’t take ownership

You won’t move forward and heal

We will often hide from ourselves

Our ego and self-esteem we try to protect

What we don’t pay attention to

We will often neglect

To be honest is hard

To be honest to ourselves is even harder

Easier to fool yourself

And become a character martyr

Critical self appraisement

Is not necessarily bad

If the goal is to self improvement

Than this is a conversation that must be had

If you have internal conflict

With something you don’t understand

Look inward and start asking questions

For the answers you must demand

…

DCG

Just what in life will you bring? 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I have a better understanding of where I am going

After what I have been through

Experience teaches us you don’t love a woman because she’s beautiful

She’s beautiful because you love her – true

I trust in Lao Tzu

On Ways to flourish

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength

While loving someone deeply gives you courage”

Having a good heart

And knowing how to use

If love is the beauty of the soul

Then the only question is how and when do we choose?

Time and effort are needed

To cultivate the art of the soul

How do you measure your success?

How do you pay the toll?

Make a decision

Live by the will

If you pass the Rubicon

Only your doubt will stand still

Life is a mystery

But if I am certain of anything

It is better to give than it is to receive

Just what in life will you bring? 

…

DCG

The journey of the forsaken 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

The journey of the forsaken

As children, they learn to self soothe

After years of neglect

Predisposed to seek validation, forever having to prove

A forsaken child

A silent crime

The pain and suffering

They withhold the signs

Someone will break the cycle

Someone will break the chain

Some will hide away

Always having to endure the pain

When the most powerful human emotion

Is suppressed and shoved into a closed box

When you can’t express love

And treat your children like they have smallpox

Given the severity

You may have to self regulate

Trick your nervous system

In order to satiate

In the self-imposed prison we call trauma

We are the inmate and simultaneously the guard

Never knowing we hold the keys to the cell

And the keys to the yard

It might take decades

Or maybe some therapy

Before we unleash the Kraken

Into the social emotional sea

You may fear rejection

You may fear intimacy

You may shut out the world around you

You may avoid any reciprocity

Do you feel unworthy?

Do you feel shame?

Do you push away emotionally available people?

And then tell them that you are to blame?

Many never see their attachment style

Dismissive-avoidant, anxious- attachment, fearful-avoidant and the like

Many won’t climb the mountain of self reflection

Many won’t take this hike

Change is possible

We can recalibrate a deep trauma of emotional recovery

From pain to loneliness to forgiveness to courage 

Now it is only me that has to open up and see

…

DCG

Why are we so confused?

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I know I have

Some deep childhood wounds

I’ve matured and overcome

But still hide some in an emotional cocoon

It was never so clear

Until I met a kindred spirit

A trauma bond attachment

Anxious versus avoidant is common, painful, powerful, that would mirror it

First I majored in psychology

Studied Leo Buscaglia and Dr. Wayne Dyer

Then I double majored in philosophy

Eventually, I discarded all the rubbish on the pyre

What I’ve learned was not from therapy or counseling 

I’ve learned from my relationships on my own

Thanks to careful observations

For which I am prone

I’m reminded by two individuals

One from philosophy, and one from psychology

The Buddha equates attachment to suffering

BF Skinner’s operant conditioning demonstrates an emotional neurology

A rat in a cage pushes a lever to get the reward of food

What emotional lever do we push for love and affection?

Why are we so confused?

When we cannot understand, what is love or what is rejection?

RSP

…

DCG

I’ll prove every day that you can trust me

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I once told you

That I didn’t know if I could complete you

But what I didn’t say

Was even more true

I would never stop trying

That is if we agree

To make something out of it

I’ll prove every day you can trust me

I know these thoughts seem impulsive

But these words, I must speak

I feel a strong connection

As this is what I seek

I luv the way you express yourself

When discouraged you say you were mortified

When happy you light up like you have been electrified

Just a few of the reasons for my attraction

You’ve read my poems so you must be aware

I’m sending you these messages

Because I truly do care

RSP

…

DCG

My path runs a full circle 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

My path runs a full circle

Makes me wonder if it was meant to be

Back in the place where it started

Can’t help, but think of all the memories

You called me by my nickname, Deanski

I called you, Charity Charlene

All the times we had cocktails by the pool

Listening to Maroon 5’s Daylight sung by Adam Levine

Daft Punk’s get lucky 

Katy Perry‘s wide awake

El Torito and Outback Steakhouse

And beers at Lahaina for a beach break 

What I thought of you then

I still think of you now

I’ve always felt you are a special person

And guess what we bumped into each other someway somehow

We live in a mysterious universe

I consider myself blessed in knowing you

I’m fortunate our paths have crossed again

And only hope we share the same view

It’s been many years

I would love to reconnect and learn more

I can’t wait to hear about your journey

And what you have in store

…

DCG