emotional pain

However, it may lead I will always find my faith

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I know you’re feeling angry

I know your feeling resigned

The coping strategy you use

A pain free solution you will never find

My heart breaks every time I see

The struggle you will not address

It’s from a trauma in childhood

Not any evil demon that you possess

You are held captive

In a prison of your own mind

You are both the prisoner and the jailer

That will punish you every single time

I’ve done the research, I’ve learned my boundaries

But for you, I will not give up, I will not fail

With knowledge there is responsibility

This commitment to heal will not stale

When others have given up

When you found yourself betrayed

Your family members were scattered

And now you drift alone afraid

I understand your shame and fear

A secure attachment of somebody like me

I understand you’re avoidant tendencies

This is something I can clearly see 

In my initial anxious attachment

I have grown into one that is secure

This trauma bond, I now understand

With self reflection and counseling, there is a cure

I walk a precarious edge of a razor

Knowing my empathy couples with self sacrifice

I tread upon this boundary

Knowing full well, what is the emotional cost and price

You may ask me why the emotional fortitude

In my experience of abandonment and shame, I find the grace

However, it may lead

I will always find my faith

RSP

…

DCG

https://youtube.com/shorts/LRI2CpeR8w4?si=yckUu-wFOGqzgPtV

I’m trying to seek approval

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I am trying to seek approval

Because of my father‘s love I never had

He neglected my feelings

I grew up, emotionally fractured, broken, and sad

This is very common

People form a trauma bond

The underlying attraction they feel

Is a masquerade and is still wrong

The familiarity in attachment theory

Has profound implications

Deeply embedded into our  intimacy responses 

Within our primary relations

the more I have studied this behavior

The deepest silent anguish of misery

From those who do not even recognize their condition

will continue to commiserate on their injury

The abhorrent parenting practices

Leave their forsaken children in emotional chains

The atrocious mothers and fathers

Will never see their own children’s pain

https://fb.watch/Dc_OLWTbVg/?mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://fb.watch/Dc_wce61XB/?mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1750969038735564/?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/801244572305841?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1878975279668057/?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://www.facebook.com/reel/24540551328971729?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

https://youtube.com/shorts/krrUECw1Vkw?si=7R_0Wiz8jvGgcJHa

RSP

…

DCG

See John Bowlby‘s work on attachment theory

See spark growth on YouTube 

@sparkgrowthofficial 

Breathe deeply

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Release of anxiety

Release of any trauma

Forgiveness must be made

To let go of any drama

Breathe deeply

Pain has an unrelenting hold

Have faith to let go

Face the truth or so I am told 

Maybe it’s denial

Not facing up to your pain

Using a bad coping strategy

Going around and around again

For the avoidant

They will rarely ever learn

If you keep yourself busy enough to make a turn

You will always yearn

Sometimes the child within us

Has never learned to grow

Be very cautious

To those who are unwilling or afraid to show

RSP

…

DCG

https://youtube.com/shorts/Tr8n-qTfdgI?si=-l216YrIr7N8Kdsd

https://youtube.com/shorts/jOKZc3pu4Tw?si=wn8FzNP_kvjZtfL2

You won’t know until the silence hit you

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

The quickest path of victimhood

Is through the expression of passive-aggressive, dismissive-avoidant denial

The gauntlet is thrown in defeat

The indignation and sentence are exposed pre-trial

At attachment theory, dismissive-avoidant and anxiously attached

Both have triggers

Both have a 22 catch

You won’t know until the silence hits you

You have to experience it before you can see

 we have to prevent what triggers us

To face what is truly reality 

If you pull back far enough, the problem within you is evident but you are afraid to see

Your emotional paralysis is not mature

Your perpetual stagnation

Is all you endure

A self fulfilling prophecy

Meets a self sabotaging force

You’re not able to navigate

If you can’t chart a course

Take a snapshot

What do we know?

Severe emotional neglect

Stunted feelings, you never allow to grow

How do you deal if you don’t know how to heal?

What is wild?

You are part woman

No, you are part child

Survivors of emotional trauma

And childhood neglect

May Bond together

Attached to the trauma they connect

The perks of being a wallflower

When you see it, it hits a nerve

“Sometimes we accept the love

We think we deserve”

RSP

…

DCG

Only one solution exists 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I grew up with a father who was a narcissist

He also had an inferiority complex and was insecure

My sensitivity to these behaviors have echoed throughout my life

Even to this day, I am still sure

With poetic self reflection

I unravel this entangled ball 

I reveal more connections

All before and after the fall

If you suffered from severe emotional neglect in childhood

You will never forget if untreated

You will become anxiously attached with a trauma bond 

And voraciously seek approval until your soul is depleted

Trauma is generational

It can be a past on maladaptive disease

Disruptively impacting the lives of the forsaken

It will do with you what it will please

Ironically, loving the unlovable

Only one solution exists

That is forgiveness

That you cannot deny or resist

…

DCG

I filled in all the missing parts 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

If women fall in love with men from what they hear

And men fall in love with women on what they see

Does this explain why women wear make up and men lie?

A paradox of human behavior and controversy

You’ve never really opened up to me

I think now I know the reasons why

I filled in all of the missing parts

My mind created a world for you, but I filtered out the noise in the sky

When given Little information

Confirmation bias just may take hold

But at the end of the day

Truth comes out and will be told

I try not to attach to the flaws of other people

I have my struggle I must own

I forgive and move forward

I hope this is shown

When you see behind the mask

Make sense of the struggle and the ordeal

We have an opportunity and a choice

On what to do and how we should feel

Understanding is important

But it is not the end all cure

The hard part is finding a resolution 

Your intentions must be pure

Many people won’t accept these terms

Many people will get stuck in their head

They will not self reflect

They will justify and turn around instead

I’m sure you think

I won’t accept you if I truly knew who you are

and so the masquerade

You shield your ego from afar

If I was wrong

You didn’t have to play along

But I know what you did

Who you gonna kid

Just how do you get?

701

Active again

After all has been said and done

RSP

…

DCG

Heal with me RP

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Been up and down, been flipped around

a life filled with loss

And I’m damaged goods it’s understood

With my luck, it’s up to a coin toss

Right side up

Or upside down

I met you at the right moment

And it was you that I found

I will never forget- When I took notice

As you came up and spoke with me

How could I have ever known?

You would be the one to make me see

I lived with being broken

For all of these years

Sometimes it takes a lifetime

To mend a heart as you shed the tears

I know I have a responsibility

My purpose is to heal

You have awakened me inside

And now again, I can truly feel

You can release the Kraken

I will still be all in

Understanding the reasons for our suffering

And where it all begins

Heal with me RP

I know at first, it might be strange

I think maybe we both

Could use a change

A change in how we see the world

And some of the people in our lives

Who said painful words

That cut into us like knives

I’m one that can appreciate

All you have to bring

The goodness you radiate

Makes my heart sing

Because of this bond

My heart is in tune

It resonates with yours

It beats even harder with you under the full moon

There is something very special

An opportunity to mend a soul

One hurt in the past

A part of which someone stole

Let the next words of this poem

Be written as we spend time together

May we heal each other?

Birds of a feather ….

RSP

…

DCG

I’m drowning in between 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

I’m drowning in between

My two extremes

A Pounding blood filled heart

Against my fantasy dream

When I see you

My heart skips a beat

You take my breath away

How much more can I take if I can’t stand the heat?

I know we had an agreement

I will always be a friend

But what this heart feels

Makes it hard for me to pretend 

The attraction is overwhelming

But the reality is that fear keeps us away

Caught in between an emotional time bomb

When will we escape that day?

The most agonizing part of this dilemma

I think we both feel the same way

But our opposite trigger reactions

Which tells you to flee and compels me to stay

We lived in the same neighborhood

Worked and shopped in the same store

Proximity and destiny brought us near

But the primary cause was the relationship we had with our fathers from before

Welcome to my world

I have to push my feelings down

The Beatles “hide your love away“

“Gather around all you clowns – let me hear you say“

RSP

…

DCG

SONG

You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away

Release date: 06 August 1965

Here I stand, head in hand,
turn my face to the wall.
If she’s gone, I can’t go on,
feeling two foot small.

Ev’rywhere people stare,
each and ev’ryday.
I can see them laugh at me,
and I hear them say:

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.
Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

How can I even try?
I can never win.
Hearing them, seeing them,
In the state I’m in.

How could she say to me
Love will find a way?
Gather ’round all you clowns,
Let me hear you say:

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.
Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

Which will be my finality? 

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

You can bury your emotions and feelings

Way way down and deep

But you can’t forget them

If attached to a painful memory that you no longer want to keep

You learn from childhood that You must suppress your feelings

You tell me “they are something you just don’t do“

At the same time, you wipe the tears away and say

Shoo fly shoo

We both fear abandonment

You dismissively avoid and I anxiously attach

A magnetic connection

Prone to an abrupt dispatch

No, I won’t talk

I’ll just listen

Write another poem

About what we’re missin’

The hardest thing I’ve ever done

Caught between two realities

With or without you

Which will be my finality?

RSP

…

DCG

Already Gone

Song by Kelly Clarkson ‧ 2009

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn’t want us to burn out
I didn’t come here to hurt you now
I can’t stop

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you’ll find another
That doesn’t always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

I’m already gone
Already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So I’m already gone

Already gone
Already gone
Ooh, oh
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I’m already gone

I’m already gone
Already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So I’m already gone

One that we host

~ DC ~ Leave a comment

Walking on eggshells

Not knowing who to trust

When loneliness meets self-doubt

After two cocktails, you lower your standards and begin to lust

So we dress up, and act clever 

And then we flirt

The person who takes notice

Won’t even be there when you hurt 

Something within us

Drives us to mix and socialize

With our guard rails down

Not sober we will compromise

We reach for the shiny object

That is in the room

Little do we know

More often it turns into gloom

Did we choose wisely?

Only the soul can say

When we rush into excitement

Those feelings sometimes fade away

Off to the bar we go

Not knowing we’re chasing a ghost

One that we have created

And one that we host

RSP

…

DCG