The Learning Curve of Life


What makes you flourish?  With all of life’s adversity, with all the challenges, and with all the struggles, what is it that helps us get through the mire?  How does your hubris hinder the process?

The Greek word that usually gets translated as “happiness” is eudaimonia, and like most translations from ancient languages, this can be misleading. The main trouble is that happiness (especially in modern America) is often conceived of as a subjective state of mind, as when one says one is happy when one is enjoying a cool beverage on a hot day, or is out “having fun” with one’s friends.  For Aristotle, however, happiness is a final end or goal that encompasses the totality of one’s life.  It is not something that can be gained or lost in a few hours, like pleasurable sensations.  It is more like the greatest value of your life as lived up to this moment, measuring how well you have lived up to your full potential as a human being.  For this reason, one cannot really make any pronouncements about whether one has lived a happy life until it is over.  For the same reason Aristotle argues we cannot say that children are happy, any more than we can say that an acorn is a tree, for the potential for a flourishing human life has not yet been realized.  As Aristotle says, “for as it is not one swallow or one fine day that makes a spring, so it is not one day or a short time that makes a man blessed and happy.” (Nicomachean Ethics, 1098a18)

“Happiness depends on ourselves.”  More than anybody else, Aristotle enshrines happiness as a central purpose of human life and a goal in itself. As a result he devotes more space to the topic of happiness than any thinker prior to the modern era.  Living during the same period as Mencius, but on the other side of the world, he draws some similar conclusions.  That is, happiness depends on the cultivation of virtue, though his virtues are somewhat more individualistic than the essentially social virtues of the Confucians.  Yet as we shall see, Aristotle was convinced that a genuinely happy life required the fulfillment of a broad range of conditions, including physical as well as mental well-being.  In this way he introduced the idea of a science of happiness in the classical sense, in terms of a new field of knowledge.

Essentially, Aristotle argues that virtue is achieved by maintaining the Mean, which is the balance between two excesses.  Aristotle’s doctrine of the Mean is reminiscent of Buddha’s Middle Path, but there are intriguing differences. For Aristotle the mean was a method of achieving virtue, but for Buddha the Middle Path referred to a peaceful way of life which negotiated the extremes of harsh asceticism and sensual pleasure-seeking.  The Middle Path was a minimal need for the meditative life, and not the source of virtue in itself.

One of Aristotle’s most influential works is the Nicomachean Ethics, where he presents a theory of happiness that is still relevant today, over 2,300 years later.  The key question Aristotle seeks to answer in these lectures is “What is the ultimate purpose of human existence?”  What is that end or goal for which we should direct all of our activities?  Everywhere we see people seeking pleasure, wealth, and a good reputation.  But while each of these has some value, none of them can occupy the place of the chief good for which humanity should aim.  To be a supreme end, an act must be self-sufficient and final, “that which is always desirable in itself and never for the sake of something else” (Nicomachean Ethics, 1097a30-34), and it must be attainable by man.  Aristotle claims that nearly everyone would agree that happiness is the end which meets all these requirements.  It is easy enough to see that we want money, pleasure, and honor only because we believe that these goods will make us happy.  It seems that all other goods are a means towards obtaining happiness, while happiness is always an end in itself.

It seems that our unique function is to reason: by reasoning things out we meet our ends, solve our problems, and hence live a life that is qualitatively different in kind from plants or animals.  The good for a human is different from the good for an animal because we have different capacities or potentialities. We have a rational capacity and the exercising of this capacity is thus the perfecting of our natures as human beings.  For this reason, pleasure alone cannot constitute human happiness, for pleasure is what animals seek and human beings have higher capacities than animals. The goal is not to annihilate our physical urges, however, but rather to channel them in ways that are to our natures as rational animals.

Thus Aristotle gives us his definition of happiness:

…the function of man is to live a certain kind of life, and this activity implies a rational principle, and the function of a good man is the good and noble performance of these, and if any action is well performed it is performed in accord with the appropriate excellence: if this is the case, then happiness turns out to be an activity of the soul in accordance with virtue. (Nicomachean Ethics, 1098a13)

In this last quote we can see another important feature of Aristotle’s theory: the link between the concepts of happiness and virtue.  Aristotle tells us that the most important factor in the effort to achieve happiness is to have a good moral character — what he calls “complete virtue.”  But being virtuous is not a passive state: one must act in accordance with virtue.  Nor is it enough to have a few virtues; rather one must strive to have all of them. As Aristotle writes,

He is happy who lives in accordance with complete virtue and is sufficiently equipped with external goods, not for some chance period but throughout a complete life. (Nicomachean Ethics, 1101a10)

According to Aristotle, happiness consists in achieving, through the course of a whole lifetime, all the goods — health, wealth, knowledge, friends, etc. — that lead to the perfection of human nature and to the enrichment of human life.  This requires us to make choices, some of which may be very difficult. Often the lesser good promises immediate pleasure and is more tempting, while the greater good is painful and requires some sort of sacrifice.  For example, it may be easier and more enjoyable to spend the night watching television, but you know that you will be better off if you spend it researching for your term paper.  Developing a good character requires a strong effort of will to do the right thing, even in difficult situations.

Aristotle would be strongly critical of the culture of “instant gratification” which seems to predominate in our society today.  In order to achieve the life of complete virtue, we need to make the right choices, and this involves keeping our eye on the future, on the ultimate result we want for our lives.  We will not achieve happiness simply by enjoying the pleasures of the moment.  Unfortunately, this is something most people are not able to overcome in themselves.  As he laments, “the mass of mankind are evidently quite slavish in their tastes, preferring a life suitable to beasts” (Nicomachean Ethics, 1095b 20).

Later in the Ethics Aristotle draws attention to the concept of akrasia, or weakness of the will.  In many cases the overwhelming prospect of some great pleasure obscures one’s perception of what is truly good.  Fortunately, this natural disposition is curable through training, which for Aristotle meant education and the constant aim to perfect virtue.  As he puts it, a clumsy archer may indeed get better with practice, so long as he keeps aiming for the target.

Note also that it is not enough to think about doing the right thing, or even intend to do the right thing: we have to actually do it.  Thus, it is one thing to think of writing the great American novel, another to actually write it.  When we impose a form and order upon all those letters to actually produce a compelling story or essay, we are manifesting our rational potential, and the result of that is a sense of deep fulfillment.  Or to take another example, when we exercise our citizenship by voting, we are manifesting our rational potential in yet another way, by taking responsibility for our community. There are myriad ways in which we can exercise our latent virtue in this way, and it would seem that the fullest attainment of human happiness would be one which brought all these ways together in a comprehensive rational life-plan.

There is yet another activity few people engage in which is required to live a truly happy life, according to Aristotle: intellectual contemplation.  Since our nature is to be rational, the ultimate perfection of our natures is rational reflection.  This means having an intellectual curiosity which perpetuates that natural wonder to know which begins in childhood but seems to be stamped out soon thereafter.  For Aristotle, education should be about the cultivation of character, and this involves a practical and a theoretical part.  The practical part is the acquisition of a moral character, as discussed above. The theoretical part is the making of a philosopher. Here there is no tangible reward, but the critical questioning of things raises our minds above the realm of nature and closer to the abode of the gods.


For Aristotle, friendship is one of the most important virtues in achieving the goal of eudaimonia (happiness).  While there are different kinds of friendship, the highest is one that is based on virtue (arête).  This type of friendship is based on a person wishing the best for their friends regardless of utility or pleasure.  Aristotle calls it a “… complete sort of friendship between people who are good and alike in virtue …” (Nicomachean Ethics, 1156b07-08).  This type of friendship is long-lasting and tough to obtain because these types of people are hard to come by and it takes a lot of work to have a complete, virtuous friendship.  Aristotle notes that one cannot have a large number of friends because of the amount of time and care that a virtuous friendship requires.  Aristotle values friendship so highly that he argues friendship supersedes justice and honor.  First of all, friendship seems to be so valued by people that no one would choose to live without friends.  People who value honor will likely seek out either flattery or those who have more power than they do, in order that they may obtain personal gain through these relationships.  Aristotle believes that the love of friendship is greater than this because it can be enjoyed as it is.  “Being loved, however, people enjoy for its own sake, and for this reason it would seem it is something better than being honored and that friendship is chosen for its own sake” (Nicomachean Ethics, 1159a25-28).  The emphasis on enjoyment here is noteworthy: a virtuous friendship is one that is most enjoyable since it combines pleasure and virtue together, thus fulfilling our emotional and intellectual natures.

The Golden Mean

Aristotle’s ethics is sometimes referred to as “virtue ethics” since its focus is not on the moral weight of duties or obligations, but on the development of character and the acquiring of virtues such as courage, justice, temperance, benevolence, and prudence.  And anyone who knows anything about Aristotle has heard his doctrine of virtue as being a “golden mean” between the extremes of excess and deficiency.  Courage, such as, is a mean about the feeling of fear, between the deficiency of rashness (too little fear) and the excess of cowardice (too much fear).  Justice is a mean between getting or giving too much and getting or giving too little.  Benevolence is a mean between giving to people who don’t deserve it and not giving to anyone at all.  Aristotle is not recommending that one should be moderate in all things, since one should at all times exercise the virtues.  One can’t reason “I should be cruel to my neighbor now since I was too nice to him before.” The mean is a mean between two vices, and not simply a mean between too much and too little.

Furthermore, the mean is “relative to ourselves,” indicating that one person’s mean may be another person’s extreme. Milo the wrestler, as Aristotle puts it, needs more gruel than a normal person, and his mean diet will vary accordingly.  Similarly for the moral virtues.  Aristotle suggests that some people are born with weaker wills than others; for these people, it may actually be a mean to flee in battle (the extremes being to get slaughtered or commit suicide).  Here we see the flexibility in Aristotle’s account: as soon as he begins to lay down some moral rules, he relaxes them in order to take into consideration the variety and contingency of particular temperaments.

Aristotle’s doctrine of the mean is well in keeping with ancient ways of thinking which conceived of justice as a state of equilibrium between opposing forces.  In the early cosmologies, the Universe is stabilized as a result of the reconciliation between the opposing forces of Chaos and Order. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus conceived of right living as acting in accordance with the Logos, the principle of the harmony of opposites; and Plato defined justice in the soul as the proper balance among its parts.  Like Plato, Aristotle thought of the virtuous character along the lines of a healthy body.  According to the prevailing medical theory of his day, health in the body consists of a proper balance between the opposing qualities of hot, cold, the dry, and the moist.  The goal of the physician is to produce a proper balance among these elements, by specifying the proper training and diet regimen, which will of course be different for every person.

Similarly with health in the soul: exhibiting too much passion may lead to reckless acts of anger or violence which will be injurious to one’s mental well-being as well as to others; but not showing any passion is a denial of one’s human nature and results in the sickly qualities of morbidity, dullness, and antisocial behavior.  The healthy path is the “middle path,” though remember it is not exactly the middle, given that people who are born with extremely passionate natures will have a different mean than those with sullen, dispassionate natures.  Aristotle concludes that goodness of character is “a settled condition of the soul which wills or chooses the mean relatively to ourselves, this mean being determined by a rule or whatever we like to call that by which the wise man determines it.” (Nicomachean Ethics, 1006b36)

In conclusion, according to Aristotle, what is happiness?

  • Happiness is the ultimate end and purpose of human existence
  • Happiness is not pleasure, nor is it virtue. It is the exercise of virtue.
  • Happiness cannot be achieved until the end of one’s life. Hence it is a goal and not a temporary state.
  • Happiness is the perfection of human nature. Since man is a rational animal, human happiness depends on the exercise of his reason.
  • Happiness depends on acquiring a moral character, where one displays the virtues of courage, generosity, justice, friendship, and citizenship in one’s life. These virtues involve striking a balance or “mean” between an excess and a deficiency.
  • Happiness requires intellectual contemplation, for this is the ultimate realization of our rational capacities.

My personal discovery of questions I’ve had to negotiate led me to make some of these observations I’ve pondered on recently…

  • Don’t wait for change to come to you and spontaneously happen

Initiate the changes yourself in actions and small measures that lead you to your goals; the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step

  • Don’t be a poem of the fool

Find your purpose and realize your passions.  If you don’t allow obstacles to limit your possibilities, then you can make the necessary adjustments and move on.

  • If it doesn’t work – change your method

Seek out new ways if you find that you continue to get stuck in same rut.

  • Life is better when it can be shared

Having other people help support you emotionally is essential for a fully developed experience.  We cannot become islands unto ourselves and escape human connections because we risk isolation and feedback that is necessary for our growth.

  • Align your intention with your actions

Sometimes our actions do not complement our intentions.

  • Humble yourself by providing some service to others

Sometimes others help us see what to be grateful for when we lose sight of gratitude and humility

  • Laugh at your own mistakes

Humor is an essential part of not taking ourselves too seriously.  Part of being human is knowing we cannot always predict the right outcome for our behaviors; we are not perfect beings, but continue to strive to do the right thing since we learn through making mistakes when we meet the world full of unknown variables we cannot otherwise grow without adapting the experience we find ourselves in.  Keeping ourselves grounded will be a choice that makes the most sense.  Seeking to support the middle ground in our avoidance of extremes and excesses that usually have consequences to our actions is advisable since sense perception and hedonism can subdue our better natures.




Ralph Waldo Emerson

“When we are young, we spend much time and pains in filling our note-books with all definitions of Religion, Love, Poetry, Politics, Art, in the hope that, in the course of a few years, we shall have condensed into our encyclopaedia the net value of all the theories at which the world has yet arrived. But year after year our tables get no completeness, and at last we discover that our curve is a parabola, whose arcs will never meet.”


“Don’t flounder in the preambles of the past
Wounded with regrets; don’t let autumnal
Nostalgia blind you to the sounds and scents
Of the present’s Spring; you’re a native of
The pellucid moment, make it infinite beyond
The curving snake of passing time and space.
Learn to die in the infinitely elusive moment.”

C.S. Lewis

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.”
C.S. Lewis

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson


“Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.”

Alan W. Watts

“Every intelligent individual wants to know what makes him tick, and yet is at once fascinated and frustrated by the fact that oneself is the most difficult of all things to know.”
Alan W. Watts

My Purpose: The Quest for Purpose

I am by no means an extraordinary person, relatively speaking, I have an average life, with an average means of income.  I have had average problems and deal with them in average ways yet I have always wanted more out of the life I have previously led.  I did not seek employment that would make me wealthy, I did not seek fame or surrounded myself with possessions.  Since I could not sustain that kind of lifestyle even if I could have achieved those kinds of pursuits; I was too preoccupied in just trying to manage what I was allowed to hold on to since much of my material assets were calculated and taken from me by a court order in the aftermath of my divorce.  The want for more in life was not about the pursuits listed above in as much as they were about bringing me some peace of mind.

To rise above the monotonous everyday routines and to question what is truly of value, I must search within myself to find out these answers.  This thought has visited me within different periods through-out my entire life; knowing that I wanted more out of life than what I had seen growing up.  The world is full of wonders and is very beautiful, but it can also be very grotesque.  I do not speak of being a monk, or speak of negating what is pleasurable in life; I only find that for me, some of these pursuits do not provide me with satisfaction, they do not quench my thirst and do not sustain my attention for whatever seems to be holding my soul in captivity.

If you have been witness to a multitude of circumstances, then you have a better perspective than the many with whom only share a smaller limited perspective.  I wanted to align my life in agreement to some of the teachings I had gravitated toward early on as a young adolescent and as a young adult.  I set out to find answers so instead of preparing for a job quest in college, I went on a wisdom quest.  It was by no means an easy path to pursue, and I for the most part only saw latent rewards for this pursuit.  Obviously one must work to sustain themselves, one must navigate the social realms and live amongst others, and do much of what society dictates, because that is the expectation we have grown up with.  For many this may just be fine, and they seem to be content, but unfortunately it is not the case for me.

I do not differ from others in many ways, I do not pretend that I am that much different from them as well, but I do see differences in how people have treated one another for as long as I can remember.  Why this happens to be the case is beyond my imagining.  It seems to be the essential core of my perplexity.

In retrospect I have given immensely of myself to those who probably did not deserve it.  My naiveté did not diminish until I was much older.  When you give of yourself, and are taken advantage of, though it is painful, it is also a great teacher of the human condition.  When you get beyond the paltriness of human interactions, you see into a fragility of the human heart and the social decay of an inferior person.  Why moral turpitude is such a prevalent factor in life is only a testament to the condition of our social inequity and the lack of educated citizens that fail to learn the lessons from its etiquette.  This human plight has been around for millennium.  This is precisely why the Zhou Dynasty in China adopted the Confucian teachings to subdue the existent rifts of social decline in China in the Spring and Autumn period of that dynasty (roughly between 771-479 BCE).
A time when the established system could not meet the demand of development as the ruling classes of China experienced the transition from a slave to feudalistic society the powers that be actively sought out a school of thought to adopt as a cultural unification.  It was a time of “the collapse of etiquette and the deterioration of music”, which implies the ethics and moralities of society were in decline.  The intellectuals of the day were concerned about the future mode of society, hence the most brilliant contention of a hundred schools of thought, such as Legalist, Taoist, and Confucian schools would be considered for the task.

Confucianism is an ethical and philosophical system developed from the teachings of the Chinese philosopher Confucius (孔夫子 Kǒng Fūzǐ, or K’ung-fu-tzu, literally: “Master Kong”, 551–479 BCE).   Confucianism originated as an “ethical-sociopolitical teaching”, but later developed metaphysical and cosmological elements in the Han Dynasty.   Following the official abandonment of Legalism in China after the Qin Dynasty, Confucianism became the official state ideology of the Han.  Nonetheless, since the Han period on, most Chinese emperors used a mix of Legalism and Confucianism as their ruling doctrine, often with the latter embellishing the former.  In other words, Confucian values were used to sugarcoat the harsh Legalist ideas that underlie the Imperial system.  The disintegration of the Han in the second century CE opened the way for the spiritual and otherworldly doctrines of Buddhism and Taoism to dominate intellectual life at that time.

The experience of injustice is not something new in human history as we have seen.  In my experience in providing for others, the toil of my labors, and the financial sacrifices I made to make a better life is something I am proud of, yet the devil is in the details of this story.  After the divorce, my life ensued a series of challenges with child custody, lawyers and legal fees, and sadly parental alienation.  I again dreamed of aligning my intellectual and spiritual self  trying to educate myself in accordance.  I have reached some goals I have set out for in my life, and I have yet to meet some of them.

I built a life around my values, and I am proud of what I have accomplished yet I have only scratched  the surface on what I would like to achieve in my lifetime.  After working so many hours in my life I have come to realize that though work is good, it is not the end goal in one’s life.  Work teaches us many disciplines, but one cannot be happy unless they make the work they do matter, or put another way, if they enjoy the work they do, then they will lead a happier life, and if their work is meaningful to them, then in this way our work can be an appropriate end.

I have fallen in the traps that many others have succumbed to along the paths we take.  The Muse’s of my day have chanted their sirens song, and their melody’s have left me in bewilderment until I awoke from the daze.  I have taken the advise of those oracles which of whom I should not have listened to and thus have learned alternative ways to manage my time, efforts, and affairs.  I have believed in a career choice that turned out to be less than what was promised, and sacrificed much of my health, wealth, and leisure to fund my families needs.  The children are now grown and have only obligations to find a life that I can become excited about.  This makes me envision that now is the time for me to project me closer to my new-found dream.  This is a time for me to follow another road.

I have learned that people are good when the least you expect it, as well as bad when the least you expect it.  Some of the greatest joys come from fatherhood, as well as some of the most painful heartaches.  I have come close to death several times in my life, but I’ve somehow managed to survive which leads me to ask why am I here?  Is it that I have a purpose yet unfulfilled on this earth?  Is there some destiny that I have not yet realized?  Have I not perished because there is some undone work I am to do?

I may never know, yet I continue my journey for discovery.  Is it that I quest for a purpose not yet realized?  Am I trying to fill some empty void within myself?  The hunger for knowledge, and wisdom has always been with me.  Maybe because I come from very modest means, and that I wanted to climb higher to new plateaus of understanding.

Whichever the reasons my so-called soul-searching is a part of me.  It is as much of me as my devotion to those with whom I love.  So I guess I am destined to seek.  I do not know when I may find that moment of peace, or that pearl of wisdom that will set my mind at ease, but I can certainly say I look forward to the journey.  I want to never loose my curiosity, and never to have my mind become anesthetized by boredom or folly.