As we must also Referee

Dark secrets of a family

Never willing to share

Bitter old man reminisces

Beholden to pride he doesn’t seem to care

The trait of a family

That never relinquishes the pain

Spawns a generation

Only understood by the arcane

Transactions of a lifetime

Tallied up on the abacus of circumstance

Modeled for a pedigree

A dominion over chance

The rebellious will break the cycle

That runs along family lines

Rejecting all of their disputes

That you may often see no direct signs

The residuum of our consequence

Is up for us to see

How we shall play this game

As we must also referee

DCG

Did you live up to the Forecast?

Writing down my thoughts

I Journal them in code

Keeping secrets to myself

watching this mind erode

In courage and sincerity

It doesn’t always turn out right

When approaching a truthful account

We sometimes cower in its sight

Yet we must come to terms

With the failures from our past

Whether we confront them head-on now

Or whether we allow them to fester and last

What we tend to follow

Is what we tend to believe

How we write it down

Relies on what we preconceive

Consider reading your journal

From twenty years ago

How do you fare?

Did you eat crow?

Memory and cognitive dissonance

Shows written word as evident

Have you ever really changed?

Is this why you are so petulant?

Finding out about yourself

From another self of the past

Isn’t really a bad thing

Did you live up to the forecast?

DCG

If and when one learns

It pains me to say

I struggle with my family

All those years ago

All of that calamity

It haunts me today

To make peace I have tried

Reminders of the past come out when I interact

Reopen those wounds when I have cried

We must keep in measure

The way we communicate with one another

Deeds will pass from way back when

Yet they will continue to fester if we place blame on the other

We must find find a common narrative

Closure is needed to come to terms

Ones that we can agree upon

If and when one learns

…DCG

When the damage is Done

We make choices

You can’t redo what has been done

Whether you lose the trust

Or whether you’ve won

We all have challenges

Some are better off than me

They don’t feel the pain like I do

Somethings they won’t ever have to see

Some will never get it

Some may never take into account

The failures of their inaction

The pendulum swings from surmount to discount

I know this is a hard conversation

In family one must work through blame

Get beyond the emotion

Get beyond the shame

What strikes me hardest

Is an unwillingness to directly address

Ones own personal connections

Why we deny and why we do not profess

This takes courage

This takes nerve

Some may learn to overcome their weaknesses

Some will just only serve

DCG

The Balance of our Temperament

Be honest with your feelings

You must decide how to engage

Use reason with emotion

Don’t act as if all the world is a stage

If you are not authentic

You hide the truth and thus deceive

The worst is not in deceiving others

But rather it is when you deceive yourself I believe

One can argue

They are both forms of the same deceit

In any case one must have a moral compass

For one to take a receipt

Be true to the heart

It is best to feel deeply

That is to say

You will embrace your values completely

To be authentic

Is to be free

Escape from a double standard

Escape from hypocrisy

If you are ever wrong

Your logic and reason are put to test

No matter how strong the feeling was

Your course will change to settle the unrest

There is no contradiction

Be true to heart and feeling – let your conscience be your guide

One to balance the other

So that the truth should never hide

I have been hurt deeply

My heart left open to enjoy

But feelings aren’t always mutual

And so the story of a heart used as a toy

Yet I would do it again

Given lessons that I have learned

The balance of our temperament

Is now what is yearned

DCG

 

 

Am I Living out Wrath?

What if we protect ourselves from past pain

Replace the bad memories with false ones

Fake it and act out as another person we’d like to be

Am I one of those sons?

What if we could not handle the truth?

Get lost in a dream

Invent a world where we can live

Forever looking for a way to redeem

A simple example

The common confabulation

Our minds often rewrite

Such a simple relation

Not the way it happened

Not the way it is

We circle back years later

Trying to reconcile this nostalgic quiz

Maybe pride, maybe sloth or greed

Maybe lust, maybe gluttony or envy

I wonder which one I’ve fallen into?

I wonder which one is me?

Maybe my punishment is my hidden anger?

Am I living out wrath?

Have I become my own executioner?

Or is it the result of growing up with a psychopath?

DCG

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wallow in the Mire

Ask the right questions

Focus on the good

Knowing that you have been wronged

Won’t matter if this is understood

The best way forward

You must first find your stride

Following the affirmative

Let this be your guide

When you allow the cynical voices

To occupy your mind

You squelch any happiness

That you are willing if able to find

Wallow in the mire

Bespattered with wounded pith

If you remain there too long

A potential to overcome becomes myth

DCG

Asking questions that never fade

Deeply troubled child

Asking questions that never fade

Never fully brought out into the light

The kind of suffering that remains in the shade

Some children don’t feel love

Less than their sibling with needs

Some parents don’t know how to show

Some parents never know how to lead

Unresolved issues

Channeling trauma from the past

Interwoven into the present

Never knowing the root of the tears that they cast

Sometimes the child

Will grow into the man

But the inner child remains

Often playing hide and seek or catch me if you can

The age of the body

Does not mirror the age of the mind

Some experiences we have as a child

We never leave behind

DCG

The Rational and the Emotional

I’ve searched all of my life

To understand and rise above my pain

Studied Psychology and Philosophy

Seems like this pursuit is a never-ending campaign

I’ve made some progress though

I pray not to give up my hope

Some questions will never be answered

So I search for the best way to cope

A thinking persons disposition

May often find the vexation of their emotion

Difficult to separate from

The hurt which we attach to our devotion

The rational and the emotional

Are two very different creatures

Measures must be taken

So that either don’t become our keepers

To find a path

It is best to head down the middle

Much like the Buddha suggests

For us to solve this riddle

DCG

This is what I Advocate

My education was everything

It defined who I am

Three classes short of two degrees

My employer and girlfriend really didn’t give a damn

All I wanted growing up

Was love to nourish me

A family that could not respond

Co-dependent parents incapable of hearing my plea

So I wandered

But a childhood comes back to visit

Gets in your head and dreams

Haunting and inexplicit

Self-reliance a razors edge

Give up on just one person

Your own path

Is destined to worsen

Because of these things

I have stumbled along

But I never gave up

My spirit is humbled yet strong

Dust off the past

A new day awaits

Awaken the moxie

This is what I advocate

DCG