My mind seeks
To decode the truth
I look at the logic
I try to find a solution to the sleuth
The language games we play
You cannot name the Tao
Like Joey said the point is moo(t)
And just “the thoughts of a cow)
Not sure why I’m like this
Maybe the Enneagram type 5
Something in my childhood
A loss of trust and a will to survive
Many things can happen
They reveal a pierced soul
For whom will we take solace?
What will be the toll?
…
DCG
The way you approach the world
It’s clear you have no respect
What you fail to investigate
Promulgates the ignorance on why you reject
A view through the lens of Marxist ideology
A world of chaos is what you see
In the arrogance of political dogma
You egregiously make your pleas
What is most disconcerting
You imitate what you hate
Though you do not recognize this
The irony of your fate
So much easier to lecture others
Adopting the indoctrination you accept as true
So little did you think about the implications
The reality that you live in and view
“If I were a tiger
I’d bite peoples’ heads off”
You told me this as a child
But now you just scoff
So easy to jump to conclusions
Faulty logic is close at hand
For someone who holds themself in high regard
I hold this behavior in remand
Why do you dismiss
What you don’t understand?
Chalk it up to your influences
Utopian as wonderland
…
DCG
Dark secrets of a family
Never willing to share
Bitter old man reminisces
Beholden to pride he doesn’t seem to care
The trait of a family
That never relinquishes the pain
Spawns a generation
Only understood by the arcane
Transactions of a lifetime
Tallied up on the abacus of circumstance
Modeled for a pedigree
A dominion over chance
The rebellious will break the cycle
That runs along family lines
Rejecting all of their disputes
That you may often see no direct signs
The residuum of our consequence
Is up for us to see
How we shall play this game
As we must also referee
…
DCG
Writing down my thoughts
I Journal them in code
Keeping secrets to myself
watching this mind erode
In courage and sincerity
It doesn’t always turn out right
When approaching a truthful account
We sometimes cower in its sight
Yet we must come to terms
With the failures from our past
Whether we confront them head-on now
Or whether we allow them to fester and last
What we tend to follow
Is what we tend to believe
How we write it down
Relies on what we preconceive
Consider reading your journal
From twenty years ago
How do you fare?
Did you eat crow?
Memory and cognitive dissonance
Shows written word as evident
Have you ever really changed?
Is this why you are so petulant?
Finding out about yourself
From another self of the past
Isn’t really a bad thing
Did you live up to the forecast?
…
DCG
It pains me to say
I struggle with my family
All those years ago
All of that calamity
It haunts me today
To make peace I have tried
Reminders of the past come out when I interact
Reopen those wounds when I have cried
We must keep in measure
The way we communicate with one another
Deeds will pass from way back when
Yet they will continue to fester if we place blame on the other
We must find find a common narrative
Closure is needed to come to terms
Ones that we can agree upon
If and when one learns
…DCG
We make choices
You can’t redo what has been done
Whether you lose the trust
Or whether you’ve won
We all have challenges
Some are better off than me
They don’t feel the pain like I do
Somethings they won’t ever have to see
Some will never get it
Some may never take into account
The failures of their inaction
The pendulum swings from surmount to discount
I know this is a hard conversation
In family one must work through blame
Get beyond the emotion
Get beyond the shame
What strikes me hardest
Is an unwillingness to directly address
Ones own personal connections
Why we deny and why we do not profess
This takes courage
This takes nerve
Some may learn to overcome their weaknesses
Some will just only serve
…
DCG
Be honest with your feelings
You must decide how to engage
Use reason with emotion
Don’t act as if all the world is a stage
If you are not authentic
You hide the truth and thus deceive
The worst is not in deceiving others
But rather it is when you deceive yourself I believe
One can argue
They are both forms of the same deceit
In any case one must have a moral compass
For one to take a receipt
Be true to the heart
It is best to feel deeply
That is to say
You will embrace your values completely
To be authentic
Is to be free
Escape from a double standard
Escape from hypocrisy
If you are ever wrong
Your logic and reason are put to test
No matter how strong the feeling was
Your course will change to settle the unrest
There is no contradiction
Be true to heart and feeling – let your conscience be your guide
One to balance the other
So that the truth should never hide
I have been hurt deeply
My heart left open to enjoy
But feelings aren’t always mutual
And so the story of a heart used as a toy
Yet I would do it again
Given lessons that I have learned
The balance of our temperament
Is now what is yearned
…
DCG
What if we protect ourselves from past pain
Replace the bad memories with false ones
Fake it and act out as another person we’d like to be
Am I one of those sons?
What if we could not handle the truth?
Get lost in a dream
Invent a world where we can live
Forever looking for a way to redeem
A simple example
The common confabulation
Our minds often rewrite
Such a simple relation
Not the way it happened
Not the way it is
We circle back years later
Trying to reconcile this nostalgic quiz
Maybe pride, maybe sloth or greed
Maybe lust, maybe gluttony or envy
I wonder which one I’ve fallen into?
I wonder which one is me?
Maybe my punishment is my hidden anger?
Am I living out wrath?
Have I become my own executioner?
Or is it the result of growing up with a psychopath?
…
DCG
Ask the right questions
Focus on the good
Knowing that you have been wronged
Won’t matter if this is understood
The best way forward
You must first find your stride
Following the affirmative
Let this be your guide
When you allow the cynical voices
To occupy your mind
You squelch any happiness
That you are willing if able to find
Wallow in the mire
Bespattered with wounded pith
If you remain there too long
A potential to overcome becomes myth
…
DCG
Deeply troubled child
Asking questions that never fade
Never fully brought out into the light
The kind of suffering that remains in the shade
Some children don’t feel love
Less than their sibling with needs
Some parents don’t know how to show
Some parents never know how to lead
Unresolved issues
Channeling trauma from the past
Interwoven into the present
Never knowing the root of the tears that they cast
Sometimes the child
Will grow into the man
But the inner child remains
Often playing hide and seek or catch me if you can
The age of the body
Does not mirror the age of the mind
Some experiences we have as a child
We never leave behind
…
DCG
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